


Ninety Days of Winter

by Axlaida



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Spirits, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Artist Katsuki Yuuri, Backstory, Communication, Drowning, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Ghost Hunters, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Sex, Kissing, Loneliness, Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Lives, Past Neglect, Pining, Resurrection, Seasonal Spirit, Spirits, Supernatural Elements, Supportive Katsuki Yuuri, Trust, Vicchan Lives, Winter Spirit Victor Nikiforov, Winter Spirits, but we already know that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:58:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 83,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axlaida/pseuds/Axlaida
Summary: The day a beautiful baby boy with silver white hair and bright blue eyes was born, the clouds grouped as whirling snow fell for the first time.~To the world around him, Victor Nikiforov is nothing more than a chill in the air, a shimmer of mist that comes and goes. But to the Earth, he is a Winter Spirit, caring for the winter season and guiding it like a coach. Victor is just a caretaker to his season – a caretaker that lives for ninety days a year before he falls into a dreamless sleep.For those ninety days that he lives, Victor likes to watch the beautiful artist that walks his dog around his lake every day. On some days, the artist sits and draws for hours and Victor can’t help but become more and more intrigued. Victor learns his name is Yuuri. And on the day he has to return Yuuri’s sketchbook is the day that marks a new beginning in Victor’s existence.Victor thinks he may be in love. And Yuuri begins to think it too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I am back with another AU. This time, it's Victor's turn to be the spiritual being!
> 
> In short, Victor is a Winter Spirit who cares and watches over the winter season. He's bound to a lake, unable to leave during his winter months. It's a long life and it's been a lonely one. Yuuri is an artist who visits Victor's lake every day. Some days he walks Vicchan, others he brings his sketchbook and draws for hours. And Victor can't help but find himself attracted to the shy artist.
> 
> Of course, a blossoming romance will come. I hope you all enjoy it!

 

_The day a beautiful baby boy with silver white hair and bright blue eyes was born, the clouds clustered as whirling snow fell for the first time in his village._

_His mother knew the moment her soft brown eyes fell onto the child that it wasn’t hers. The child did not belong to her and the monster inside of him had stolen the life of the child she had expected. She knew as she stared down at the baby boy in her arms that the child was going to be different. She knew that the child was going to bring nothing but harsh winters and a never-ending storm._

_Her mother had warned her of this child. The child was going to bring an eternal winter to the village. And with every year, the winters will worsen until the child took the lives of every soul that lived in the village._

_His mother knew what she had to do._

_She named the child Victor. And she was going to care for Victor. Because as much as she loathed the monster that had taken her child, she could not come to kill the delicate baby in her arms._

_Not yet._

_But his life would end by her hands._

 

* * *

 

Victor liked to watch the beautiful man that walked his dog around his lake.

He first saw the man early one winter. The air was cool from the last days of fall and the sky held a rich amber and pink against the clouds. Fall still hung on for a few more days. Visitors to his lake had yet to change from their light coats and jackets to woolly hats and scarfs.

Victor sat by the border where his forest began, in the mix of trees and tall grass. It was his favourite spot. He was watching the sun rise behind the horizon, cascading the sky in a painting of colour that hung in no order or arrangement. It was early morning and the blackness of night was receding against the blues and pinks of the sky. It shone against the lake below, shining its deep depths and casting a glow of the early sun.

He watched as the sun rise and life go by, each soul unaware of the presence that sat there curiously watching. There were early morning joggers and dog walkers going by their early morning routines before the day began. Few people visited his lake and Victor took no notice of the regulars. It was the new ones that caught his eye.

And that beautiful man was new.

He jogged along the side of the lake with his small dog on a leash running beside him. He bounced up and down in a rhythmic beat, breathing heavily through parted lips. His hoodie stuck to his skin, soaked in his sweat. Victor couldn’t tear his eyes away and when he stopped just beside Victor, wheezing heavily for a breath, Victor felt his own come to a stop.

Against the sweat that fell from his head, there was a smoothness to his skin that appeared to be softer than silk. His eyes were as rich as the earth’s soil and stained with a gentle amber. His hair was like the dark skies of winter and Victor’s fingers involuntarily twitched with a want to touch it – to run his hands through the smooth strands and feel.

Then a determined look flashed through the man’s eyes and he was jogging away before Victor realized.

He didn’t know what happened to him that day or why the man enchanted him so much, but Victor found he could not get the man out of his mind. Every thought was replaced with longing and fantasies of a life that did not exist. Victor dreamed of them being together in more ways than friendship. He thought about the man’s interest, his dogs name, and if he could kiss as good as his lips looked. He daydreamed about him in his waking moments, remembering the features of his face or the way his hair would move softly in the breeze. If Victor could talk to someone, all he would talk about was that man.

The man came back the following day. He continued his routine, jogging around Victor’s lake with his dog running beside him. Victor would sit by and wait for him to arrive. The man would then appear, Victor would feel his heart skip, and then he was gone – just like that. It was a routine. The man did it every day and Victor would see him at 7:17 AM sharp, but then that time got sooner and sooner as the man’s weight changed and his rounded curved smoothed down.

The man didn’t jog so much after that. Victor would either see him in the early morning, or arrive later in the day with his dog on a leash and a light hum in his voice, singing a sweet song Victor never heard of. Victor’s favourite kind of days were when the man brought his sketchbook to the lake. He would sit on the same bench every time, sketchbook and pencil in hand, and he would draw. Sometimes he would sit there and draw for hours. And every time, Victor would watch and admire his hard work.

Of the hundreds of people that have visited his lake, the man was the only one Victor paid attention to.

Victor admired a lot about the man from the way the breeze blew his hair to the way he spoke so kindly to his dog. The man had a determination in his eyes that encouraged him to wake up early in the morning and jog away his weight, slowly growing slimmer day by day. The man held a deep love for his companion. Victor hadn’t once seen him without the dog by his side. But sometimes, Victor saw a heavy sadness that poisoned his spirit and dulled his bright eyes. On those days, Victor wished to hug him – to tell him that whatever was happening beyond this lake was going to be alright.

Victor didn’t know where his care for the stranger came from. He never felt care for anyone before. He may have once cared for a dog he found, but he never cared for another person. He was hated and despised for something he couldn’t control. He was hurt because of who he was. And Victor decided a long time ago that he didn’t need anyone. He can fight his own battles. His only care would be himself and his season.

But for the first time, his season held little meaning to him.

There was more to Victor than just a person that lived around a lake. He was a Winter Spirit. He was a caretaker of the season, watching over it for anomalies and strange changes. He made sure it stayed in control and encouraged his season to fight back when need be. He was like a coach to the winter season. He guided, he encouraged, but he could not control it or change it. He held no winter like powers or abilities. He was just a caretaker – A caretaker that only lived for ninety days a year.

He wakes on the first day of winter, cares for his season for three months until the last day, then he falls into a restless sleep. And then he repeats himself. He wakes up, roams around his lake, and falls back asleep to do the same thing repeatedly. It was his life. He lived only to care for winter. He was never needed during the seasons of spring, summer, or fall. He was nothing important nor anything special.

But he had a purpose; a purpose that Victor was happy to live by.

He loved winter. He loved the cold air that bit his cheeks, the sky that washed with gray, and the blanket of snow that could change the environment so drastically. Victor could stand there and drink it all in, listening to the silence that hung so thickly in the chilling air. It was the soft sounds of winter – the silence of snow.

He loved winter. And winter was his season.

But it was coming to an end. Victor could feel it. The air was beginning to warm and it was making him feel drowsy and tired. The once dark nights were pulling out, each day the light lasted that minute longer and Victor was already missing the long dark nights. His season was ending. He would have to sleep soon.

Victor couldn’t think of any better way to end his final days but wait for the beautiful man and his dog, waiting to catch a final glimpse of his beauty. He wanted to remember the man’s face when he slept. He wanted to learn the man’s name so he could have a name to call the man. He wanted the man to be the last thing on his mind before his sleep, so he could awaken nine months later with his face still fresh in Victor’s mind.

He sat in his usual spot, waiting for the man to arrive. He played with his fingers and chewed his nails, anxious and afraid that the man would choose this day to not arrive at the lake. Victor had encouraged the last snowfall of the year to hit that night. He hoped it didn’t discourage the man from arriving. But the man could not arrive for a number of reasons. He could decide to not take his dog for a walk, or he could have found another place to go. Anything could happen to the man while Victor was at his lake, waiting, and wondering where he had gone.

Victor’s breath hitched when he saw the familiar figure of the beautiful man and his dog walking up the pathway. Victor’s hands trembled with anticipation. This was his last day and he was going to spend it the way he wanted – by the man’s side for as long as he could.

The man walked closer and Victor willed himself to his feet. And with a deep breath, he walked up to the man. Victor had a thought. Perhaps if he spoke to the man, he might be able to acknowledge Victor’s existence. He knew it was a long shot, but it was worth the try. When the man was close, Victor took a deep breath and spoke.

“Hi,” He said with a wave of his hand. The man didn’t flinch, look up, or even acknowledge Victor. He continued to walk, unaware of the spirit that just spoke to him. Victor let out a defeated sigh as he watched the man walk straight through him. At least he tried.

He moved forward to catch up with the man. If they couldn’t talk then Victor could walk alongside him, pretending that they knew each other and that their walk was a peaceful, silent walk. He knew it was silly for him to pretend. No matter how much he imagined it, he would always know the man couldn’t see him. But it felt nice to pretend for a little while.

Victor saw the man’s usual bench up ahead and he willed the man to stop for a moment, to pull out his sketchbook and spend a few hours drawing. Victor watched with hope as they drew nearer and when the man turned away from the path and move towards the bench, Victor felt a giddy excitement. He could spend more time with the man.

Victor sat down beside him as the man pulled his sketchbook from his bag. He placed it safely on his lap before turning back, searching intently through his bag until he pulled out a single pencil. Victor watched as the man’s eyes scanned the lake that sat in front of them, thinking thoughtfully to himself. His pencil touched the paper and his hand moved smoothly, drawing delicate lines across the white sheet.

That was how Victor spent his last day and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He sat beside the man that enchanted him in a way nobody had ever done before, watching him as he drew the lake that sat in front of them. It was peaceful and Victor was glad he spent his last day with the man.

But as the sun began to set over the horizon and the light breeze in the air attempted to push Victor out of his seat, he knew it was time for him to leave. He wished he could stay longer. He wanted to see the man finish his drawing. But he couldn’t and he let out a sigh. Perhaps next year, he could see another one.

Victor rose from his seat. The icy wind pushed harder as he stood, silently telling him that he should hurry up. He made no move to rush. He only had to walk deep into his forest so he could lay rest. He had until midnight to fall to his sleep. There was no need for him to rush, but the wind seemed to want him to leave.

Victor turned and took one last look. He held his gaze and took in every inch of the man. His large liquid brown eyes behind his glasses did not travel up to stare back at Victor, but instead, they remained focused on his sketchbook with his tongue stuck out in concentration. Victor felt his face flush warm. He was a person Victor wanted to know more about. He was a man that Victor could spend an eternity with.

But he had to leave. There was no choice in the matter.

He turned his back to the man, walking down the pathway and away from him and his dog. With each step, Victor could feel the tugging around his heart growing heavier. It was like an elastic band around his chest. And every step was adding another, slowly squeezing his heart to cause a constant ache. He didn’t want to leave.

His thoughts were suddenly cut short when he heard a loud bark and the yell of someone’s voice behind him. Victor turned and without warning, a bundle of caramel fur jumped into his vision and the weight of it took Victor by surprise. He stumbled backward. His feet refused to cooperate with him. One minute a dog was rushing towards him. The next he was staring up at the sky as a fluffy ball sniffed and licked at his face.

Victor couldn’t even process what was happening. A small fluffy poodle was stood on his chest, licking his face with pure delight as a voice was yelling somewhere around him. This was… unexpected.

“Vicchan!” The voice yelled and Victor attempted to move the dog from his chest. He didn’t want to hurt the dog and annoy its owner, but the licking was becoming increasingly annoying. As Victor pulled the small dog back and stared up at the fluffy face that he recognized, his entire body jolted to a frozen shock. “Vicchan, stop!”

It was the man’s dog.

The weight was then lifted and Victor blinked rapidly, coming back to his senses. He looked up at the figure standing in front of him and his breath hitched when their eyes met. Victor immediately lost himself. Everything that he was, everything he could be, was gone – every thought was erased and every negativity was cleaned, leaving Victor in a state of wonder. For the first time since Victor saw the man, his eyes no longer stared through Victor, but at him.

And his eyes were so beautiful.

“I am so sorry about my dog,” The man said as the dog wiggled around in the man’s grip. He put the companion to the ground and turned to Victor, extending a hand for him to take. Victor caught the slight tremble in his hand as they locked palms. His hand was so soft and warm against Victor’s own and when he was on his two feet, the man began to frantically clean Victor’s shirt free from snow.

“I don’t know what came over him!” The man exclaimed as he brushed the snow from Victor’s hair. Victor couldn’t help but let a smile stretch across his face. He wasn’t just beautiful. He was cute, too. “Usually he’s pretty good when we go for our walks. He even makes friends with other dogs. But I don’t know what happened! He’s never done that before!”

“I know,” Victor replied with a laugh and the boy came to a slow stop. He held his stare before his brows dropped, confused by Victor’s comment. Victor took no notice. “It’s okay though. I’m fine.”

Victor was more than fine. He was ecstatic. He wanted to laugh and cry and scream to the heavens, cheering for hours. It had been so long since he was last seen by anyone. That winter, it seemed that he had gone completely unnoticed to everyone and everything. Not a single soul saw him or glanced his way. Victor went unknown to the world, alone and forgotten. But that man – the one who had enchanted Victor in a way he didn’t understand – was the first person to see Victor that year. He was the first to meet Victor’s eye, to look at him and not through him. Victor felt his entire world stop.

“Well, as – as long as you’re fine,” The man said as his gaze diverted to the floor. Victor bit his lip to keep back his comment. He wanted the man to look up again. The man took a step back and Victor’s heart leaped in his chest. “I should just…” He pointed behind him and Victor watched as the man moved back to the bench. Victor decided to follow behind.

The man suddenly stopped and quicker than he did, he raced forward. He fell to his knees, frantically grabbing at something in the snow and Victor stepped closer, glancing over the man’s shoulder. In his hand was his sketchbook. It was covered in snow and soaked straight through, the once white pages now turned into a dull, wet gray. Victor could hear the man mutter something under his breath as his head shook from side to side. Victor wondered what was wrong.

“Is everything… alright?” He asked and the boy’s head shot up. A hurtful glare held in his eyes.

“No! Nothing is fine.” He dropped his sketchbook on the bench with a loud slap. He peeled the book open to a page, showing Victor that the book was more than just wet, but his drawings were smudged and ruined. The once clean lines were now faded and blurred, no longer looking like pieces of art anymore. Victor felt his heart sink. “This – this was my…”

Victor could see grief through his eyes. He wanted to comfort the man but he didn’t know the right words to say or the right way to do so. He wanted to cheer him up and help his sad eyes become bright and cheerful again. Victor moved to sit beside him, hoping that maybe his presence alone could help the man feel better. Victor watched the dog – Vicchan – try to comfort the man but he ignored every attempt his companion tried. Victor noted to himself that he didn’t seem to be one for comfort.

But it didn’t stop Victor from wanting to help him feel better. “Perhaps when it dries, you could salvage a few pages?” He suggested and the boy shook his head.

“No. If – if this drawing is ruined, the rest must be too.”

As Victor stared at the ruined sketchbook, he never realized that his favorite season could destroy something so beautiful. He never wanted the snow to ruin the man’s sketchbook. If he had known the man had dropped it, he would have encouraged the snow to freeze so the sketchbook couldn’t get so wet. He could have asked the wind to blow harder and push the sketchbook out of the snow. But he didn’t know and Victor could do nothing to help.

“I’m sorry,” Victor apologized and the boy let out a sigh.

“It isn’t your fault. I should have watched Vicchan and stop him from running off like that.” Victor didn’t want the man to blame himself but what more could he say? The man then breathed in hard through his nose and slammed the book shut. He let out a frustrated huff as he picked up his bag and stood to his feet. “I’m sorry I ruined your day,” He said, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground.

Victor shook his head as he stood. “You made it a thousand times better.” The man tore his gaze from the floor, meeting Victor’s eyes and a smile reached his chocolate-dipped eyes. Victor couldn’t help but admire as he smiled back. The man then chewed his bottom lip as he took a step back, looking a little uncertain before he waved.

“I’ll see you around?” He asked and Victor gave a quick nod. The man gave a final smile before turning around and with his companion by his side, he walked back down the pathway and away from Victor. Victor didn’t dear tear his eyes away, not until he saw the man turn the corner and disappear from view.

Victor let out a pleasant sigh. It wasn’t exactly how he imagined their first conversation would go but he was still going to remember every word that was spoken. A smile stretched across his lips and he squealed to himself. What an exciting end to his season that was. And for the first time in years, Victor could sleep soundly with a smile on his face.

Victor turned, now ready to leave his season behind to sleep but a strong gust of wind pushed him back. He heard the sound of paper rustling in the breeze and he stopped, turning to the noise. His eyes fell on the man’s sketchbook that he left on the bench. The pages were still wet and the book was so close to ripping that Victor felt his chest lurch. He pressed his hand down on the book, stopping the pages from flying against the breeze. The wind came to a stop. He took a deep breath and as carefully as he could, he picked the book up, holding it so cautiously as if it could shatter any moment.

Victor let out a breath as his eyes fell on the book cover and he relaxed. In a sudden, another gush of wind blew against the pages and slowed down when it opened to the first page. Victor pressed the book to his chest, fearing the pages were close to ripping.

“Stop it,” Victor said out loud to the wind. He felt the light breeze come to a slow stop and Victor held a cautious glare as he moved the book away from his chest. He took a look at the page that was open and the moment Victor’s eyes landed on the little sketches, his breath hitched and his heart stopped.

They were drawings of him.

The page wasn’t as damaged as the others. A few sketches were blurred and smudged, but Victor could make out the little drawings of him. Some were focused on his hair while others were a detailed sketch of his face. Victor impulsively reached up for his cheek, feeling his cold skin beneath his fingertips. The man had captured his appearance well. Victor could hardly remember what he looked like anymore but as he stared at the drawings, images of his own face came rushing back to him.

But more than that, Victor’s mind could focus on only one thing: the man had seen him before. The man had seen Victor and thought he was beautiful enough to draw not only once, or twice, but multiple times. Victor had to bite his lip to keep his smile back as his heart swelled with such delight that he couldn’t help but press the book to his chest and close to his heart. It meant the world to him.

He took one final look at the drawings and let his smile break free. The drawings were beautifully done. Victor’s eyes then fell onto some words written in the corner of the book. He struggled to read it as a few letters were smudged but when he felt confident in what the words said, he spoke them out loud.

“Property of Yuuri Katsuki.” Victor felt his smile stretch wider. He really liked the name. “Yuuri Katsuki,” He said again because he wanted to. And he could.

Victor closed the sketchbook and kept it close. He was going to treasure it throughout his sleep and when he wakes up. By then, the book should be dried enough for Victor to look through and return. It wasn’t his to keep. He just hoped Yuuri would appreciate him looking after it until they next meet.

Victor turned his heel and began his walk through his forest. He took the same path every year, following the clearing that people took when they adventured through his woods – and beyond. The snow was smooth under his feet but beyond the pathway were remnants of branches and a few leaves that survived the cold, icy winter. The last light of the winter sun created long channels of shadows against the forest ground and cast an orange glow throughout the forest, reflecting in the snow and creating a sparkling white scene before him.

Victor stopped. Ahead of him was a clearing. The ground was smooth with frozen snow and sat in the middle of a clearing was a tree stained with white. The tree swayed in the cold winter wind as droplets of melted snow and icicles hit the ground with a light smash. Victor let out a breath. This was where he will rest.

He sat against the tree and held Yuuri’s sketchbook close to his chest. He felt a sudden exhaustion flush through him and as Victor closed his eyes, he willed himself into a deep sleep and allowed the earth to care for him – to become one with him and protect him through his sleep. And just before darkness overtook, Yuuri was the last thought in his mind.

 

_Sleep soundly. You have a winter to remember._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: "You know what, I'll write this story while I'm working on another one and upload it when I've finished."  
> Also me: *Uploads anyway*
> 
> I will possibly regret this but I was so excited to get this up!
> 
> Let me tell you something. I wanted to write this AU for a while now, even when I was writing my Death AU but I couldn't get a story to work without it being too similar to my Death AU. BUT I finally have it! And I hope you guys like it!


	2. Chapter 2

 

_Victor did not know his mother’s plans for his future._

_As he grew into a small child with long hair and big eyes that held innocence, he noticed the way his mother would glare at him when she thought he didn’t see. He saw the way her lip would curl with a slight scowl and how her stare held daggers. He never knew why her eyes held grief and hatred. But the older Victor got, the less he cared._

_When he turned seven, he knew his mother hated him. He had accepted that long ago but confirming it felt different. He knew his mother was never going to pick him up or hug him like the other children’s mothers did. His mother was never going to read him a bedtime story or praise him for his achievements. His mother didn’t care about him. But that was okay. Victor didn’t need her love to feel a loving warmth inside of him._

_All he needed were the winters that ended the year and began the new one._

_He loved the cold and everything about winter. It spoke to him in a way nobody could understand – whispering to him in a language only he could read. He liked to feel the crisp cold air that bit his cheeks and the frozen mornings that seem to cover the world in a crystalized blanket. He liked the snow flurries that fell from the sky. He’d lie on the ground, staring up at the sky and watch as the snowflakes fall one by one in disordered directions. He loved the way the snow shined like diamonds in the sun and how white everything was._

_He didn’t need to feel his mother’s love to feel happy and warm. Victor felt familiar with the winter. And as long as the cold came at the end of the year, Victor was happy._

 

* * *

 

When Victor woke, there was a light chill in the breeze and a soft smile on his face.

He breathed in his first winter breath and felt for his season's changes. He could feel winter drawing in, pushing back the warmth of fall that hung on for a few more days. It was going to be a slightly warmer winter that year but nothing Victor would say was a concern. He could still bring the cold winter nights and the early morning snowfall.

His season was doing okay. It wasn’t as cold as he would have wanted but it was okay.

Victor’s mind jumped to the sketchbook he had slept with. He glanced down, finding it resting on his lap. His smile widened. He picked it up, observing the previous damages. The pages had dried during his sleep and the cover was cold against his fingertips. He flicked through the pages. The paper had crinkled and creased to Victor’s disappointment but most of Yuuri’s drawings were salvageable.

Victor couldn’t wait to return it. He couldn’t wait to see Yuuri and Vicchan again. He wanted to get to know Yuuri and find out his likes and dislikes, hobbies, and interests. Victor wanted to learn so much about Yuuri. He only hoped that now he was seen, Yuuri could see him more often. But that was all down to how spiritually open Yuuri was.

Victor had hope. If Yuuri had seen him once before, Yuuri should see him again.

Victor got to his feet and felt the morning sun warm his back. He began his walk back through the forest, following the same path he took every year. He took in his surroundings. It felt so different to when he slept. He last recalled his forest covered in snow. Now, it felt too much like the last season. It didn’t feel right.

There was a strangeness to fall that didn’t appeal to him. The breeze was cold with the icy kiss of winter promising to follow, but the air held a lingering warmth. The chill was nothing like the bite of Victor’s wintery blusters. Against the cloudless blue sky, the trees were so bare that he could count the leaves on each one. The ground around him was a riot of colors and there were too many – reds, greens, ambers, and browns.

The season wasn’t his season. He missed the pristine white of frost – the icy fog in the early dawn.

Victor walked until he saw his lake in the distance and smiled. He jogged the rest of the way, hurrying to get to his lake. He passed the trees and tall grass, coming to a stop when he stepped foot on the clear pathway and he closed his eyes, breathing in his home.

The lake was still. Not even a ripple in the silver-blue water was seen. There came not a single sound around him. No movement of branches or birds calling. His lake was silent, waiting for Victor’s return. Not much had changed during his sleep but not much ever did. A few benches had been replaced with a fresh, clean wood. Across the way, he saw a newly build dock stretching outwards and a man was sat on the edge with a fishing rod in hand. Victor smiled. He hoped the man the best.

Victor’s eyes dropped to the water. He bent down and dipped his hand in the clear blue lake. The water was cold and moved over his skin with an icy bite. His hand didn’t send ripples across the water. It remained as flat as a mirror. He moved back to sit on the edge and inhaled slowly. He felt at peace.

And Victor waited.

He stayed in that spot, his eyes falling on every person that walked past in hopes that one of them would be Yuuri. He didn’t find himself worrying too much. There was a gentle breeze in the air – cool and calm – that made him feel a sense of serenity. But even with the calmness of the environment, he couldn’t help but feel a nervous tug in his chest. He feared Yuuri never showing up ever again – that Yuuri had moved to another lake or he found no interest in Victor’s one anymore. He desperately hoped it wasn’t the case. He had Yuuri’s book to return. He wanted to talk and get to know Yuuri.

Victor took a deep breath. It was going to be fine.

He was used to the long, silent days where nothing happened. It was a normal day for him. He was hardly ever seen by another person and on the rare occasion where he was, he wouldn’t be spoken to. He never realized how dull his days could be until that conversation with Yuuri. And now, he wished for more. He wished he could speak to people and see the world outside of his lake. He wondered how much it changed.

He turned to Yuuri’s sketchbook after a while. He skimmed through the pages, eyes meeting new works Victor had never seen Yuuri draw before. From the water damage, he could make out a limited number of pages but he liked to try and guess what Yuuri drew on the ruined ones. He imagined they were all masterpieces – drawings beyond Victor’s wildest imaginations. He was never the creative type. Not like Yuuri.

There was a unique style to Yuuri’s drawings. He could bring a page to life with even the simplest sketch. There were limited colors but plenty of drawings to fill the page and writing that Victor enjoyed reading. On some pages, the words were notes that seemed to be reminders while others sounded like nice quotes and phrases Victor never heard of. They made him smile. It felt like a little look into Yuuri’s life outside of the lake.

Victor had constructed multiple scenarios in his head, many involving how he would approach Yuuri with his sketchbook. He didn’t want to come across too creepy but he neither wanted to lie or pretend. He wasn’t like that. But in his scenarios, everything went perfect – even the gentle kiss they would share at sunset with Vicchan by their side, tail wagging with delight. His dreams were sweet but the reality was sour. Yuuri still hadn’t arrived at his lake yet and Victor’s heart was growing heavier by the hour.

As the sun set and the darkness swallowed the fiery red sky, Victor’s heart sank. It was clear that Yuuri wasn’t coming today. Victor couldn’t help but keep the book close to his heart. It was like a protective cage, keeping his heart safe and locked away, only for the person who owned the sketchbook – and Yuuri was the key.

He knew he was being overdramatic. But Victor was sad. He felt like a tortured soul – a broken-hearted man who lost the love of his life. Overdramatic.

The day was swallowed by the cold, hungry night – eating at the light until the sky was a field of deep blues and constellations. The lack of lights around his lake never bothered Victor much. It was only on the dark nights where the clouds hung thick and heavy in the sky that bothered him at times. That night, the world fell into a darkness where not even the moonbeams could brighten his lake. Normally, Victor wouldn’t mind. But with the absence of Yuuri and Victor not knowing whether he was okay made the night more than just bothering. It was unbearable.

He walked around his lake but it only did so much to occupy his mind and distract him from Yuuri. He encouraged his season for a snowfall but with the warmth fall had left behind, he could feel it pushing in slower than he hoped. He would have to wait a few more days. He then moved to the dock that had been built during his sleep and sat on the edge where the fisherman once sat. He dipped his toes into the icy cold water and laid back. He stared up at the clear sky above.

It was hard to put aside his worries. He couldn’t stop thinking of Yuuri. He knew he had no reason to worry. He didn’t even know Yuuri that well. They held no personal relationship or mutual friendship. They were strangers. But Yuuri was no stranger to Victor. He stopped being a stranger a long time ago.

Eventually, Victor allowed himself to just stop thinking. He could feel the wind picking up and surrounding him in an icy embrace, comforting Victor in the only way it knew how to. Victor gave a weak smile. He appreciated the support.

He tried not to worry. Whether something had happened to Yuuri or not, there was nothing Victor could do about it. He was alone. He couldn’t leave his lake to search for Yuuri. He couldn’t visit Yuuri where ever he was and ask for his return. He was trapped there – bound to his lake by an unseen force. And as Victor laid there, staring at the silver glow of the moon, he closed his eyes and found himself saying the words he wanted to speak.

“Stars. Moon. Earth. Whoever is listening… May I ask you where he is?” Victor’s voice felt like a boom in the absolute silence. “May you give me a sign to say that he is… he’s alright?”

It was silly of him to request such a question. Mother Earth had better things to do than to answer Victor’s question. But he wanted to try. The thought of something happening to Yuuri while he had slept sent an ache through his chest and a chill down his spine. He couldn’t bear the thought.

It did amaze Victor how Yuuri had made him feel so much when he didn’t even know Yuuri. He didn’t know what Yuuri was like outside of the lake. He could be a horrible person who didn’t care about anyone or anything. But Victor doubted that. The Yuuri he saw was kind and beautiful and interesting. There was more to Yuuri than just a beautiful man. Yuuri was many things and Victor wanted to learn the unique subject called ‘Yuuri’.

The sun slipped back over the horizon and Victor returned back to his usual spot. The birds began their song and as the morning fog began to fade, the world slowly woke up. The fisherman Victor saw the day before was the first to arrive. He watched the man as he sat on the end of the dock, fishing rod in hand, and got himself ready for another day of fishing. Victor wondered if there were even any fish in his lake. He assumed so. Morning joggers began their route around his lake, as well as a few early morning dog walkers. Victor looked at every one of them but he paid no attention.

None of them were Yuuri.

Victor pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and gave a defeated sigh. He couldn’t help but dwell on the absence of Yuuri. He had been asleep for so long and all he wanted was to wake up and see Yuuri, return his book, and begin something Victor hadn’t had since he was alive. Whether it was a friendship, a fling, or a relationship, Victor didn’t mind. He would be with Yuuri and he could do what he hadn’t done in centuries – he could live.

He rested his head against his knees and sighed heavily. All he had to do was wait.

The breeze took Victor by surprise. It blew strong, nudging his body with it. He raised his head. The howl of the wind rocked the trees, swaying the branches like arms and lifted the leaves to take flight in the air. Victor’s brows hung low. It was a sudden change and he felt it was trying to tell him something. Above the howl, Victor heard a light _bork_ and he turned in an instant. His eyes fell on the familiar figure he missed all yesterday and as he stared, his breath was stolen from him and his heart missed a beat.

It was Yuuri.

He was on his feet before his mind caught up. He could feel his heart racing and Victor pressed his hand against it, hoping to calm the rapid beat. He took a deep breath. He was calm. He was cool. But most importantly, he was ecstatic and thrilled and excited. His brain snapped to Yuuri’s sketchbook and Victor looked to the ground, turning until he saw the black-covered sketchbook and picked it up.

He raised his head in time to see Yuuri walking past him. Everything around Victor came to a stop. Yuuri hadn’t seen him yet so Victor gazed freely. He had aged a little over the year. He appeared more mature and lost a little more weight than the last Victor saw him. But there was no doubt he was still the Yuuri Victor last remembered him being.

His eyes saw how the light played on Yuuri’s skin and how the soft smile on Yuuri’s lips sent a rush of warmth throughout him. Victor imagined touching his midnight colored hair as he kissed him, his laugh that was probably the sweetest melody Victor will ever hear, and his smile that would always capture Victor’s attention.

Victor was in this deep. But he would be damned if he wasn’t going to try and do something about it.

He moved from his spot and stepped foot onto the clear pathway. Victor stared with his mouth agape as he watched Yuuri walk past him, unknowing to the spirit that wanted to speak with him. Victor felt his heart sink a little but he sucked it up and took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“Yuuri!” He spoke loudly. His heart raced as he waited for the moment where Yuuri would turn. It quickly came to Victor that Yuuri hadn’t heard or seen him. He followed on and tried again. “Yuuri!”

Yuuri slowed down and Victor came to a quick stop. He held his breath, full of anticipation. Vicchan then turned and as his eyes saw Victor’s form, he gave a loud bark that alerted Yuuri. Yuuri glanced down at Vicchan first, then shot Victor a look over his shoulder. As their eyes met, Victor fell harder.

“Oh!” His eyes widened, startled by Victor’s appearance. Victor watched Yuuri as he turned fully but he didn’t step any closer. “Uh, hi?” He said with uncertainty in his voice. Victor couldn’t help but step closer.

His nerves frayed quick. He’d play with his hands if it wasn’t for the book in his palm. Then the book became the only thing Victor could feel. The weight in his hand could determine his and Yuuri’s future. It could make or break a possible friendship. It could begin something more as their fingers touch and their hearts become one.

Or Yuuri could hate him and never want to speak to him ever again. Victor tried to think on the lighter side.

He breathed in heavily through his nose, calming his nerves. “I don’t know if you remember but…” He chewed his bottom lip as his eyes cast down to the sketchbook. “I have something for you.”

Victor held up the sketchbook and Yuuri stared with caution. He stepped forward, taking a closer look at the book. A gasp then escaped his lips as his eyes widened, glancing between the book and Victor. He blinked rapidly, taken back by surprise. He raised his hand to take the sketchbook and as their fingers grazed, Victor felt sparks and butterflies.

He opened the book and skimmed through a few pages, eyes still wide and mouth hung agape. He then raised his head. “Wait, I remember you,” Yuuri said slowly. “You were the man Vicchan tackled in… February, wasn’t it?”

Victor tried to bite back his warm smile but it was an awful attempt. He let it show as he nodded. “Yes. It was the last snowfall of winter. It got wet by the snow if you remember.”

Victor watched as Yuuri’s cheeks were suddenly kissed with a warm pink. He dropped his gaze, staring intently at the ground as his hands found each other, playing with his fingers. “I – I didn’t expect you to… keep it.”

“I saw you left it and I wasn’t sure if you wanted it back or not so I kept it until I next saw you,” Victor explained. Yuuri kept his gaze away and Victor hesitated to touch his cheeks – to raise Yuuri’s head so they met eye to eye. “I didn’t want a random stranger taking your beautiful drawings for themselves.”

Yuuri head snapped up, eyes wider and cheeks flushing to a rosy red. “You… saw my drawings?” He asked and Victor didn’t hesitate to nod. “So, you… you must have seen the first page to know my name.”

“Yes. They’re wonderful drawings, Yuuri,” Victor smiled. “I hope you continue them. It was such a treat opening it and seeing my face there!” It was more than a treat. It was a pleasure to think that a talented artist like Yuuri wanted to draw him. And he hoped Yuuri would continue to draw him.

Yuuri cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. “I uh… I didn’t mean to draw them in a perverted way or anything. I was just… I saw you and you kind of… inspired me in a way.” Victor felt his heart soar. Yuuri gave a weak shrug. “I don’t know. You were like a muse and I just had to draw you. Not creepily!”

Victor shook his head. “I don’t find it creepy at all,” He said. “You can draw me as often as you like.”

The smile Yuuri returned wasn’t as wide as Victor had liked for it to be – or as genuine. But Victor treasured it regardless because although it didn’t reach his eyes or feel as warm as it could have been, it was still a sight to see.

Yuuri let out a breath as he said, “I do feel embarrassed by it. I didn’t expect anybody to look at it besides myself. So, uh… thank you for looking after my sketchbook.” Yuuri turned to his book and flicked through the pages a few more times, pausing on a couple before moving onto another. “You were right. Some pages are salvageable. I want to make it up to you but I don’t really know how to.”

“This conversation is enough,” Victor said. He saw Yuuri’s mouth twitch and he was certain Yuuri was fighting a smile. “I appreciate you stopping and talking to me.”

They met each other’s eyes and for a split second, everything came to a silent pause. Victor could get lost in those coffee-dipped eyes. He could see a love that burned deep and his spirit that danced and swayed like his drawings. It was like a fire that gave a warmth Victor never thought he needed.

A sudden bark tore their gaze away from each other as they turned to the sound. Vicchan called for attention and hopped to his feet, bouncing on the spot as he gave another bark. “I think someone here is getting bored,” Yuuri said with a laugh in his voice. He met Victor’s eyes again and asked, “Will I see you again?” Victor felt butterflies erupt in the pit of his stomach. Yuuri wanted to see him again.

Victor nodded. “I’m here every day.”

“Me too.” And then there was a silent pause. It wasn’t full of awkwardness but more peace as it laid over Victor’s skin like a soft blanket. Yuuri then took a step back, ready to leave but hesitated as he said, “Thank you for the book, uh…?”

Victor cleared his throat. “Victor.”

“Victor,” Yuuri repeated slowly. His own name sounded so strange to hear roll off Yuuri’s tongue. “Thank you for my book. And I guess I will see you tomorrow.”

Victor gave a frantic nod and once again, he found himself watching Yuuri and Vicchan walk away. When they were far down the pathway, Victor sighed happily to himself.

It felt so much different to the first time they spoke to each other. Yuuri was met with disappointment from his ruined sketchbook. He apologized for ruining Victor’s day when the reality was that he made it a thousand times better. And Victor didn’t have a long sleep he needed to take. He wasn’t uncertain if Yuuri was going to come back again because he said he would himself. Victor knew he was going to see Yuuri again. He knew Yuuri was happy to speak to him and be around him. And knowing that felt so much nicer than not knowing at all.

Victor pressed his hand to his heart and let out his deep breath. He could feel his chest pulling with eagerness for the next day to come. It wouldn’t ease but Victor didn’t mind that it didn’t. Only the wait would be bothersome but completely worth it when the next day arrives.

As he felt the breeze pick up and circle around him in a frosty hug, he could only thank it for ruining Yuuri’s sketchbook in the first place – for giving Victor an opportunity to speak to him again. His season may not have begun the way he imagined it would, but the conversation was even better than he dreamed of.

 

_This is the beginning. I know what you want._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the start!! They've met again and things for them look good from here! o(^▽^)o
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Kudos and comments are very much appreciated! Thank you!! <3


	3. Chapter 3

 

_Victor knew his mother wasn’t the only one that hated him. The other kids in his village did too._

_His childhood was lonely. The other kids didn’t want to talk to him or be his friend. Much like his mother, they didn’t want anything to do with him but Victor didn’t mind that. He didn’t mind the loneliness because none of the children were worth his time if he was not worth theirs. Victor tried to look on the lighter side._

_When he was nine, he found out why the children didn’t like him._

_Victor was different. But that was always the reason why kids bullied other kids. Victor couldn’t help being different. He didn’t want to change his hair color or cut it to satisfy the children that bullied him. He couldn’t stop them from throwing snowballs at him with stones buried inside, or pulling his hair, or calling him hurtful names that didn’t make sense to him._

_Victor was an outcast, alone, and forgotten by everyone._

_But their voices stopped hurting him. The loneliness stopped tugging so harshly around his heart. When the kids would yell, the whistle of the wind muted their voices. If Victor felt lonely, he would feel the chill in the air wrap around him like a warm blanket, caring for him and reminding him that he was never alone._

_The winter cared for him. And Victor loved the season._

 

* * *

 

There was an excitement that Victor hadn’t felt in a long time. It poured out of him like sunshine through a fine white sheet. And he glowed.

He had a good feeling. And nothing could possibly go wrong.

He was so eager to see Yuuri again. He decided against sitting in his favorite spot but chose to stand by the gate to his lake, waiting impatiently for Yuuri to arrive. He had waited there all night until early dusk painted the sky in a collage of reds and pinks. He felt like every fiber of his being was humming with anticipation. He wanted to run, to shout and tell everyone who came to his lake what was happening but he forced himself to stay calm. He had to sit back and wait but even that was a struggle. His mind was restless and he was deliriously happy.

He had never felt this eager over something in such a long time – not since he had the best winter.

He sat down after a while when boredom had settled in. He only had so much he could do to keep his mind occupied. He could play with his fingers and rip at the grass all he wanted, it wasn’t going to stop him from glancing up every two minutes. He regretted not asking Yuuri for a time or a place for them to meet. It could have made things so much easier for himself. Yet, he imagined the wait would still be unbearable.

The day was going by slower than he wished. Yuuri should be here soon. Yuuri with his beautiful dark eyes and warm smile would arrive and Victor would feel his heart race faster. He watched a couple walk through the gate, hand in hand and smiles on their faces. He reflected his own future in them, imagining his hand being touched gently by Yuuri’s, sharing adoring looks and shy smiles.

A soft bark echoed and Victor turned to the sound. He felt his entire being come to a stop. He was only able to focus on the beautiful bright smile on Yuuri’s face. His heart raced and his hands felt clammy but he pushed himself to his feet just as Vicchan raced towards him. Vicchan jumped up against his legs, demanding a fuss with a tongue stuck out and his tail wagging so fast like it was about to take off.

Victor laughed happily as he petted the fluffy dog. He kneeled by Vicchan when he calmed down and settled by Victor’s side, letting him stroke his hand through his fur and enjoying the love. Victor glanced up. He had to check that Yuuri really was here – that it really was his dog that Victor was stroking. And it was true.

“ _Yuuri_ ,” Victor breathed. He almost couldn’t believe Yuuri was here.

“Hey, Victor,” Yuuri smiled and waved. Victor became interested in nothing else but Yuuri. It was as if he was a star amongst a cluster of planets – and Victor was stuck in his orbit. “This is good timing. I wasn’t sure what time you’d be here so I thought I’d just arrive the same time I did yesterday and hope for the best.”

Victor brightened up and his heart raced faster – if that were possible. He stood up quicker than he expected and felt himself stumble a little, but caught his balance before Yuuri noticed. “It’s – it’s good to see you again.”

He didn’t know why he felt so nervous. He was always so calm and level-headed but his usual confidence seemed to have just vanished. Shyness wasn’t his specialty but being face to face with Yuuri again – being seen by the one he had been enchanted by – made every ounce of Victor’s self-confidence crumble like a house made of sand.

Yuuri’s eyes cast down to where Victor once sat, eyeing the small tower of grass he ripped from the ground and put into a small pile. Victor watched Yuuri bite his lip as if to keep back a grin. “Did you wait for me?” He asked.

Victor smiled, “Yes, I did.” Yuuri let his show.

“You didn’t have to wait for me, you know.”

“I know,” Victor nodded. “But you didn’t say anything about me not wanting to. I’ve been excited to see you again!”

Yuuri’s gaze dropped to the ground and a fear struck Victor’s chest. He feared he said something wrong and he felt the instant need to apologize. But he caught a soft smile on Yuuri’s lips and watched as his cheeks painted with a soft pink. Victor felt his smile grow as he sighed thankfully.

Yuuri then cleared his throat. “Well, uh… Would you like to walk with me and Vicchan?”

“Of course.” Victor couldn’t think of any better way to spend his day.

Vicchan – who wasn’t on his leash that day – had already stormed ahead of them, bouncing along the pathway without a single care. He came to a stop to look at the two and waited impatiently for them. Victor couldn’t help but smile. The dog held a kind of happiness that could never falter, not even on the worst days where the clouds were too dark and the air was sticky and hot.

He and Yuuri walked in silence. It wasn’t that Victor wanted it to be silent but he didn’t know what to say. It had been so long since he last had a conversation with somebody, he didn’t know how to bring up a subject. He could easily talk about winter and the snow but he decided to avoid any talk of the weather. He wanted to have a normal conversation.

“So… It’s kind of cold today,” Yuuri’s voice broke the silence and Victor let out a laugh. He could see Yuuri staring at him from the corner of his eye but he didn’t turn to stare back. He found a conversation to begin.

“So, Yuuri.” Victor liked the way his name rolled off his tongue. “Tell me a little about yourself.”

“There isn’t much to say,” Yuuri replied. Victor doubted that a lot. Whether Yuuri had a lot to say or nothing at all, he would find anything Yuuri said interesting. “You know my name and that I draw a lot.”

“Yes, but I’d like to know more,” Victor said. “There must be more to the world of Yuuri Katsuki?”

Victor found himself looking right at Yuuri and he couldn’t turn away. Yuuri hummed thoughtfully to himself. “Well, I live with my family,” He said as he began rubbing his hands together as if to warm them before burying them in his coat pocket. “I’m planning on moving out soon to pursue my dream of being an artist. I turned 23 a few weeks ago and I spent most of my birthday painting.”

There was a lot of things around the two that Victor could look at but he could see them anytime. He wanted to look at Yuuri while he could. He wanted to remember how snug and warm Yuuri looked in his coat and how there was a light pink to Yuuri’s nose from the cold.

Victor kept looking right at him. “You seem very dedicated to your art.”

Yuuri gave a nod. “If I want to be anything, I have to be.” Victor had to admire his determination. It was much like the first day Victor saw Yuuri when that determined spark in his eye encouraged him to continue jogging and seek his goal. He had strength.

Victor wanted to learn more about Yuuri’s life. He wondered what his parents did and if they were as kind as Yuuri’s was. Victor’s mind suddenly fell dark and he feared something bad was happening to Yuuri while he was stuck at the lake. He found himself asking, “Why do you want to move away from your family?”

“I love them, I really do, but they own an inn and sometimes it can get very crowded and noisy,” He answered. Relief washed over Victor. “But I can’t concentrate in an atmosphere like that.”

“You like the silence,” Victor said.

Vicchan suddenly leaped through the trees and inside his mouth was a stick that was a little too big for him. He dropped the slimy stick in front of the two and gave a bark. Victor glanced at Yuuri. He had a smile on his face and knew what his companion wanted.

“I do,” Yuuri said as he picked up the stick. “That’s why I come here a lot. It’s peaceful here.”

Yuuri raised his arm and Vicchan ran forward fast. He skidded to a sudden stop and looked at Yuuri, realizing he still had the stick in hand. Yuuri then threw the stick back down the path and they watched as Vicchan raced after it. They made it a few steps before Vicchan was back in front of them, stick in mouth and asking for it to be thrown again.

“I’m glad you like the lake,” Victor said as Yuuri picked the stick up again, throwing it farther than before.

Their walk came to a halt because of the stick. Vicchan wanted to play for a while and Yuuri couldn’t say no. Victor didn’t blame him. It was hard to deny the big brown eyes and swishing tail of Yuuri’s pet. Victor asked if he could join in after a while. He wondered if this was a common occurrence of theirs – that Vicchan always found a stick and Yuuri had to stop for a while to play.

Yuuri then accidentally threw the stick into the forest and Vicchan was determined to find it. He soon lost interest in finding it and the game itself. Yuuri called him over, putting the leash back on and continued their walk.

Victor found that Yuuri’s sketchbook would come to mind every so often. He wondered how Yuuri felt about Victor giving it to him and seeing his drawings. He felt a worry slowly chewing at his mind and he had to say something. “I hope you didn’t mind me looking through your sketchbook.”

“I did a little,” Yuuri said honestly. “But I get that it couldn’t be helped. I did leave it here after all. So I only have myself to blame.”

Victor shook his head. He didn’t want Yuuri to blame himself. “It was my fault mostly. But it was an accident, too. The wind was blowing through the pages and I was scared that they would rip so I stopped it and I just so happened to have stopped it on the first page.” Victor thought back to the drawings. The fluidity and delicate lines that crafted his own face still took his breath away. “I’m glad I did. They’re beautiful drawings, Yuuri.”

Yuuri smiled softly as his eyes fell to the ground. “Thank you,” He said and glanced back up, meeting Victor’s eyes. “I’m glad you did return the book. The water damage actually gave a few pages a nice effect. It gave this nice watercolor effect. And I was able to draw over a couple of drawings so that wasn’t too bad. Although a few pages were completely ruined… I – yeah. Thank you for returning it.”

“Like I said, I didn’t want a stranger coming and taking the book from you.”

“But it did take you a while to return it,” Yuuri mentioned and Victor huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s my fault.” Victor was then faced with a choice. He could tell Yuuri why it had taken him so long or he could lie to Yuuri. Victor was many things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. “I had been sleeping over the past nine months so I’ve been absent for a while.”

Yuuri gave a laugh. “Yeah, I guess I have been as well.”

Victor’s brows dropped. It surprised him that Yuuri didn’t question what he said. Victor had no reason to hide who he was to Yuuri but the comment seemed to go right over his head. He watched as Yuuri eyes fell dim and sigh heavily through his nose. Something was on his mind.

“It’s been a tough year.”

Victor didn’t know how to react. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Yuuri shook his head. “Don’t. It’s just bad luck really. I…” He came to a stop. His hands rubbed together but not the same way as before. He wasn’t trying to warm them but more play with them to distract himself. He gave a sigh. “You don’t mind if I just ramble on a bit, do you? I know we just met and I shouldn’t shove all of my problems on you but I’m finding it hard to talk about it to someone without them throwing solutions that won’t work with me and I just –”

“Yuuri,” Victor said loudly and Yuuri stopped talking. He met Victor’s eyes for a split second before he looked away. Victor knew his eyes were full of emotion that he wanted to share. And Victor had no reason to deny him that want. “Yuuri, it’s fine. If you don’t want advice, I won’t give you any. I’ll listen. I don’t mind.”

Yuuri closed his eyes and sighed heavily. As they opened, brown met blue in a combination of trust. “It’s been a hard year. Before, I had success where I got so much recognition and people loved my work. Then I had an exhibition and suddenly… nobody seemed to care anymore.” He fell quiet for a moment. “I think what’s been worse is that I’m fresh out of ideas. I feel like every drawing is terrible and every idea I have is just a cheap knock-off from somebody else’s work. It’s nearing the point where I feel like I should give up but I can’t. What if one day, I do draw something and everything goes back to normal? And I – I’m sorry. I rambled too much there.”

Victor didn’t realize how hard being an artist could be. But Victor never had any ambitions like Yuuri did. He never had a dream he wanted to pursue or a career he could aim for. He always dedicated himself to his season. Even when he was alive, it was all about winter. Yuuri just opened a new world to Victor. It was a world outside of his season where people struggle with their goals and fear failure. Victor never had that.

He shook his head. “It’s fine. It’s good to ramble sometimes.” He hoped that was the right thing to say. He imaged it felt good getting out emotions like that. “Your drawings are still beautiful, Yuuri.”

“Beautiful or not, nobody cares about them.” Victor wanted to deny that and say that he cared about them – and Yuuri too – but Yuuri spoke before he could. “And you saw last year’s work. Wait until you see my recent work.”

“I would love to see your recent work,” Victor grinned.

Yuuri held his stare. Victor could see a flash of uncertainty and doubt rush through them. Yuuri shook his head slowly. “You… really wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Victor assured him. “I won’t pressure you into showing me them but I will always be happy to see your art.”

Victor felt a sudden gush of wind blow strong and heavy, pushing him back as if it was an invisible shield blocking him from moving onwards. Victor blinked and his surroundings became clear. He didn’t realize he had walked with Yuuri all around the lake and up to the wooden gate Victor couldn’t cross. He wasn’t allowed father than the gate.

He glanced at Yuuri who had stopped himself and turned his attention to Vicchan for a moment. He then raised his head and met Victor’s gaze as he asked, “So, are you leaving now too?” Victor’s heart sank. He didn’t want Yuuri to leave just yet. He was enjoying his time. He shook his head as Yuuri’s hand fell on the gate. “Okay. Will I see you here tomorrow?”

Victor suddenly perked up. Knowing that Yuuri still wanted to see him again sent a rush of loving warmth throughout him. He couldn’t force back his smile as he nodded happily. “Yes, of course! The same time?”

They both agreed and Victor was already excited. He watched as Yuuri turned and stepped through the gate, letting Vicchan through first before closing it behind him. Victor found he could never turn his gaze away from Yuuri whenever he left. But unlike the last time, Yuuri turned and shot Victor a final smile and a wave. Victor’s heart soared and a flutter of butterflies erupted in the pit of his stomach.

Tomorrow was such a long wait.

Victor let out a content sigh. The day wasn’t as life changing as he had imagined. They neither fell hard for each other or made love in the forest, but it was a sweet conversation and Victor wouldn’t trade it for the world. The day was amazing and Victor couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

And suddenly a week had gone by and Victor didn’t even realize.

Meeting with Yuuri quickly became Victor’s new favorite thing to do. It made his day even brighter and his nights feel colder with an icy breeze that chilled him to the bone and satisfied his heart. He learned so much about Yuuri that he made a mental list of it that ranged from Yuuri’s favorite color to Vicchan’s real name. (Blue and Victor. He remembered.)

Victor learned about Yuuri’s life outside of the lake too. Yuuri had a deep love for dogs which Victor had already guessed. He had loving parents and a sister named Mari who Yuuri had a deep family bond with. His best friend was called Phichit who was from Thailand but they met in school where Yuuri studied abroad. Everything Yuuri had done amazed Victor. He had been to so many places and met many people along the way. And even though their conversations were only an hour a day, Victor treasured every second of it.

It was the most exciting part of Victor’s day.

Victor lost count of how many days he had been awake for after day nine but he found he didn’t mind. He liked living in blissful ignorance to his gradual coming sleep. It was nice to not think about it for a while. It was nice to not worry so much about his season either. He could feel a steady temperature. The air was still cold and the wind still had a chilly bite to it. He didn’t ask for another snowfall yet. He was just letting his season be.

And when Yuuri arrived on a day that felt like fall, Victor regretted letting his season be.

Yuuri didn’t wear his usual blue scarf and woolly hat. There was a light chill in the wind but the air was too warm for Victor. He felt light headed and his vision flashed with dark spots. He couldn’t handle the warmth very well but he only had himself to blame. He should have kept a closer eye on his season and look into any sudden warmth coming in. He had just ignored it.

“Nice day today!” Yuuri grinned happily. Victor could say a thousand reasons why that day _wasn’t_ a nice day but he decided against doing so. Instead, His eyes fell on the blanket under Yuuri’s arm and he became curious.

“Why do you have a blanket?” He asked, eyes switching between Yuuri and it.

Yuuri moved on and Victor followed beside him. “I wanted to sit here and draw for a while. I hope you don’t mind.” Victor shook his head. He didn’t mind at all. He was more thankful than anything. He couldn’t handle an hour of walking in the heat. “I’ll give you the heads up now but I will be silent. Sometimes I can draw and talk but I want to try and concentrate today.”

Victor didn’t mind at all. They settled down in a little clearing beside the lake. Yuuri laid out the blanket and dropped himself and his bag on top. Victor sat beside him and watched as he emptied out his bag with little care. A sketchbook fell out followed by a clutter of pencils and other art utensils Victor struggled to identify.

That was how they spent their day. Victor laid back on the blanket, staring up at the bright blue sky and trying to ignore the blistering heat that made him feel sticky and tired. Vicchan slept soundly beside the lake. He only woke when a noise startled him or he wanted to chase a leaf that flew in the wind. Yuuri kept his head down and focused on his drawing, silent and unaware of Victor’s gaze falling to him.

Victor admired Yuuri in many ways. He was talented and smart, beautiful, kind, and so much more. There was a strange wonder Victor felt as he watched Yuuri draw. His glasses would slip down his nose and threaten to fall off but he would always push them up before they did, only to repeat himself sometime later. He would sigh and purse his lips as he judged his own drawing, eyes narrowing to see what the problem was. And like a cat, his tongue would stick out unknowingly as he focused.

Victor didn’t want to say how he felt was a crush because the word felt too underwhelming. It didn’t describe how he felt well enough. Victor didn’t have a crush on Yuuri. He admired him with a passion hotter than a thousand suns. He respected Yuuri and had a strong fondness for him. Yuuri could take his breath away but make his heart beat faster. He could make Victor go from a calm, collected spirit to a nervous wreck with just a smile and a wave. Yuuri held the stars in his eyes and the warmth in his lips and Victor had never wanted to kiss somebody as much as he had Yuuri.

He didn’t have a crush on Yuuri. Yuuri was so more than a crush.

“What do you think?” Yuuri’s voice tore Victor away from his thoughts. He blinked rapidly as his eyes met a page in Yuuri’s sketchbook. Victor sat up, wanting to get a clearer look.

It seemed to be a ballerina in many different poses. Victor’s head tilted to the side, almost as if to get another look. The lines were quick and fast-paced but there had been cleaner lines drawn over them, adding more definition and detail. Victor couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s beautiful,” He said. He had never seen anything like it before.

“Thank you,” Yuuri said happily as he put his book back into his lap. “She’s my ballet teacher, Minako.”

Victor couldn’t help but be surprised. “You do ballet?”

“Well, I _did_ ballet.” Ballet or not, Victor was still surprised. He suddenly wanted to see Yuuri show him what dances he could do and if he could move as fluidly as his drawings were. “It was mostly to keep up with my weight but I needed to concentrate on my art this year so I dropped my classes. But she lets me draw her sometimes.”

Victor smiled as his eyes fell on the drawing. “She looks very elegant.”

Yuuri gave a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you say that. I was worried the drawing looked too stiff.”

“No, I like it.” Victor shifted closer to Yuuri, moving so close beside him that their knees touched and their hands grazed each other. Victor swore he heard Yuuri’s breath hitch but he wasn’t certain if it were his own. “I like how swift the lines are and how you’ve created a quick and fast-paced sketch. It feels like she’s dancing on the page, showing us her elegance and grace in a frozen shot. You captured the movement in a single second.”

Yuuri met Victor’s eyes and Victor couldn’t read just one emotion. Yuuri was flooding with them, filling up with so much that he couldn’t decide what to feel. Then his lips curled into a warm smile and his eyes brightened with delight. Victor couldn’t keep his own back. Yuuri had such a beautiful smile.

Then Yuuri tore his gaze away and Victor wished for that moment to have lasted longer. “I – Thank you, Victor.” A silence fell between them. It wasn’t as peaceful as Victor had wanted. There was a thickness in the air that felt suffocating and Victor felt the need to fill the silence with a noise. Yuuri then raised his head and met Victor’s eyes once again. “Can I ask you something?”

Victor nodded. “Of course you can.”

“You’ve asked a lot about me but I haven’t asked much about you,” Yuuri began and Victor already knew where it was going. “I was just wondering if maybe I could ask about you? I’d like to know you better.”

Victor liked for Yuuri to know more about him too. He wanted to share everything with Yuuri from his love for his season to his past life when he lived as a human. Victor smiled. “Well, where would you like to start?”

“What’s your full name?”

“Victor Nikiforov.” Yuuri’s eyes went agape for a moment. Victor caught the look and he had to ask. “You seem surprised.”

“I feel like I heard that name before… But I’m probably thinking of somebody else,” Yuuri shook his head to himself. “How old are you?”

Victor thought about it. He knew how old he was when he died, but how old he was as a spirit was completely out of his head. He lost count of how many winters he had lived years ago. “Well, I was 27 when I died,” He said with a shrug. Yuuri didn’t blink for at least 20 seconds – at least. It then came crashing down on Victor what he had just said. “Oh, well… that came out of nowhere.”

Victor didn’t plan to keep who he was a secret from Yuuri. He didn’t want to overcomplicate things with lies and discretion and find himself having to explain it all when Yuuri eventually would find out. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from Yuuri and he hoped Yuuri thought the same. But as he stared into Yuuri’s wide eyes, he wondered maybe he should have kept it a secret for a little longer.

“It… did,” Yuuri said slowly. He then cleared his throat. “Was that supposed to be a joke?”

It was Victor’s turn to fall back with surprise. He shook his head. “No. I died when I was 27,” He repeated himself. “I’ve haunted this place ever since.”

Yuuri let out a laugh. Victor didn’t know what was so funny. “Wait, so you’re telling me you’re a ghost?”

“Not a ghost. I’m a spirit,” Victor corrected. He could see Yuuri didn’t know how to react or what to feel. His face held a flood of emotions – many of which ranged from confusion and disbelief. But Victor continued because perhaps Yuuri would believe him eventually. “I’m not alive but I’m not a ghost. I’m a little more powerful than a ghost. My purpose is to care for the winter season.”

There’s a silence. Then a laugh. “That’s funny, Victor.”

“I’m being truthful!” Victor defended. He felt almost insulted that Yuuri didn’t trust his word and believe him. He knew it was a lot to ask Yuuri but he hoped there was enough trust between them that Yuuri would believe Victor even the littlest bit.

But as Victor watched him shake his head to himself and turn back to his drawing, he doubted Yuuri believed him at all. It almost broke his heart but Victor wasn’t going to give up. He thought back to Yuuri’s own determination and felt it rushing through him.

Yuuri would believe him one day. He was sure of it.

 

_Love endures. You have to be patient._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Victor. You're so in love! (´♡`ʃƪ) And throwing out you're a winter spirit like that? Give the boy some time to take that in!
> 
> I feel like it's a slow start but that's how it's going to be for a few chapters. I hope you don't mind and I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading this far! <3


	4. Chapter 4

 

_Victor loved winter. And winter loved him. It looked out for him._

_On days where the ice would thicken and vanish, Victor would giggle to himself as he watched the other children slip on the ice. It brought entertainment to his day. But when Victor would walk over the invisible patch of ice the other children slipped on, he would feel a strong grip beneath his feet that kept him firmly on the ground. He never once fell over._

_But winter did more than that. The cold wind would guide him when he needed it – showing him the right direction back home if he were ever lost. The snow would worsen when the children tried to bully or hurt him. It would wrap around him like a soft blanket when his mother kicked him out of the house for something he said or did. It protected him. It kept him safe._

_When Victor was ten, he learned he didn’t react to the cold like everyone else did._

_He would hear the children complain about the snow – which he never understood. They would dislike the icy winds, complain about another snow day, and whine because their fingers and toes had gone numb. Victor never knew what they meant. The icy winds chilled his bones with a soft touch and a snow day was the best day. But Victor didn’t know what they meant when they said their fingers and toes would go numb. He never felt it._

_He decided to test it one day. He pressed his hand into the many inches of snow and felt the bitter cold seeped through his woolen mittens, soaking them. He could feel the icy burn against his fingers and the bitterness bite his skin but he didn’t feel a numbness. He didn’t feel what the other children complained about. And as he removed his mittens and stared at his bare hand that was frozen white and blue from the cold, he knew he wasn’t the same as them._

_Victor went against telling his mother. She didn’t need to know._

 

* * *

 

On the ice-covered day in mid-December where the lake laid silver and frozen against the noon sun, Victor sat with Yuuri.

There was a pleasant coldness in the air. The snow beneath his feet was thick and the frozen air nipped his nose with a light bite. He watched the white vapor escape Yuuri’s lips but there was no puff of his own breath. He sat back on the bench and breathed in the lush freshness that only his coldest season could bring. How he loved these winter days.

Against the cold, Yuuri still drew. His glove covered his left hand, keeping it warm and protected from the icy bite in the air. His right was bare and fighting against the cold that made his hand turn pink and his fingers so stiff. He stared undisturbed at his sketchbook, eyes focused intently while he scribbled and drew a work of art.

Victor didn’t know what Yuuri was drawing but he didn’t mind. There was a pleasantness to sitting with him. It was nice to be with someone on a cold, quiet day where his lake was silent and the world was still. He used to dislike silent days. He would feel a tug around his chest that slowly squeezed, reminding Victor that it was just him and nobody else. It would stay morning, noon, and night, even through to the next day when his lake became busy with life. It stung like a bite. It ached in his heart.

He could never predict those quiet days but he could always count on Yuuri to arrive. He enjoyed the presence of another; the presence of one Victor was delighted to be with.

Victor closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and fell into serenity. But his peace was immediately disturbed by the sound of paper shuffling around. He opened his eyes and watched Yuuri push his sketchbook into his bag before pulling out another one. He placed it onto his lap and met Victor’s eyes.

“Can I show you something?” He asked and Victor gave a nod. Yuuri opened the book onto the first page and handed it to Victor. Victor’s eyes roamed the page, eyeing the painting that was too beautiful for words. “What do you see?”

“It’s a lake,” Victor answered. He could see the many trees that lined around the lake, keeping it in a protective circle and a pathway that followed along the side. His mind then clicked. “It’s this lake.”

“And how does it look?”

“Beautiful,” He answered without a single hesitation. “You captured the atmosphere. You can feel how cold it was just from the way you used the colors. And you can see the breeze with how you used the brushstrokes.”

“Now look at the next one,” Yuuri said.

Victor turned the page. He couldn’t help but react. It was so different to the work he saw before. Everything about it felt off. The colors were wrong and the painting didn’t fit on the page properly. It felt as if it had been painted on lopsided, yet it was straight and clear. Victor cleared his throat. “Uhm…”

“Right?!” Yuuri said loudly. “It just doesn’t look right. I’ve tried drawing it so many times but it’s just… bleh!” He stuck his tongue out as his face held disgust. Victor bit back his smile and turned his attention back to the sketchbook as Yuuri flipped the page. On the other side was the same painting but smaller and less detailed. A few were drawn, others used different types of media. Yet it was still the same thing – it didn’t look right.

Victor pressed his lips together, trying to think of a compliment. He didn’t want to say anything bad about the work. He tried looking for the lighter side but he couldn’t see anything. He cleared his throat. “Well… at least the first page looks nice.”

Victor tried hard to bite back his groan. That wasn’t the best thing to say.

“There’s a difference,” Yuuri said. He flipped between the two pages. “The two paintings here. There’s a difference between the lake and the… I don’t even know what to call it. Let’s say an elephant.”

Victor raised a brow. It didn’t look like an elephant. It was almost as if he was trying to paint a person. “Was an elephant on your mind?”

Yuuri let out a deep huff. “It was supposed to be an abstract painting of my mother.” Victor chose to stay silent. “I can’t even show it to her. It’s so bad. I felt horrible after I painted it and I was so tempted to burn it but I couldn’t and… anyway. There’s a difference. If you look further into the book, some drawings and paintings look okay.”

Victor flipped through the pages. Yuuri was right. There was a range of paintings and drawings, all in different styles and colors. Victor stopped on a few to admire them even longer while others he took a glance at and turned the page quick. “I like this one,” Victor said as he stopped on a drawing. It was the fisherman and a dog that looked just like Yuuri’s – only bigger.

Yuuri shifted closer and Victor’s heart raced as they touched. “Me too,” Yuuri said. His voice was dangerously close to Victor’s ear that he could feel Yuuri’s warm breath tickle his neck. “I asked the man if I could draw him and his dog and he said yes. I’m rather proud of it.”

“You should,” Victor said. “It’s beautiful, Yuuri.”

In the corner of his eye, he caught the shy smile on Yuuri’s lips. “Thank you,” He said. “But again, a difference. Can you tell what it is?”

Victor couldn’t. He flipped through the sketchbook again but he couldn’t figure out what Yuuri was suggesting. He shrugged and decided to take a guess. “Is it the style?”

“It’s where I drew it,” Yuuri said. Victor looked back through the pages and suddenly realized what he had missed. “I can only draw when I’m here. If I’m at home or anywhere in town, I can’t concentrate or think properly. It’s strange because even the weather goes bad when I try and draw anywhere else. You would not believe how often I had to run after a drawing because the wind blew it away.”

Victor couldn’t help but stare. It was strange enough that Yuuri’s talent seemed to diminish outside of the lake, but the weather going against him drawing elsewhere was even stranger. He couldn’t understand why the wind would do that to Yuuri – why Mother Earth gave him a hard time drawing away from the lake. He appreciated the thought in a way. It brought Yuuri back to him. He just couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“That is very strange, Yuuri,” Victor replied and Yuuri nodded.

“It is. It’s like the earth is going against me drawing anywhere but here.” Yuuri paused, chewing the inside of his lip as he thought. “Not that I mind. This place is peaceful and calm and it helps me think.”

Victor smiled. “It does have that effect, doesn’t it?”

Yuuri returned the grin and nodded. “I like it here. And Vicchan likes it too.” The dog raised his head at his name and Yuuri leaned forward to give him a quick fuss. “I’m not going to complain much about it, even if it would be nice to have a change of scenery… But I can always take pictures and bring them here, can’t I?”

“You can,” Victor said, nodding. He hoped Yuuri did that. He didn’t want Yuuri to move elsewhere to work on his art. He would miss him too much. Yuuri was the light in his day – the beat in his heart.

Then the world fell silent. It caressed Victor’s skin like the cold icy breeze, soothing his soul and taking his worries away. There wasn’t a single bird that sung or another human for miles and Victor’s ears became accustomed to the lack of sound. He could hear the ice in the frozen lake shifting and the light scratches of Yuuri’s pencil against the paper. The sounds soothed him and relaxed him.

“It’s the end of the year soon.” Yuuri’s voice disturbed the peace but Victor didn’t mind.

“I didn’t realize,” Victor replied. He had lost count of how many days he had lived for a while ago. He recalled nine days but then they blurred into hours of waiting that it slipped from Victor’s mind. He knew, however, if it was nearing the end of the year, he had an event coming up. “It’s my birthday soon.”

Yuuri paused his drawing to look at Victor. “Oh!” He grinned. “When is it?”

“December 25th.” After all these years, he could never forget his birthday. But there was a horrible sorrow that followed it too. “It’s also the day that I died.”

There was a forced smile on Yuuri’s lips and his eyes narrowed. It was as if he was trying to figure something out but it wasn’t working for him. He instead let out a weak laugh, shook his head, and said, “There you go with the death thing again.”

Victor gave a sigh. He wanted Yuuri to believe him, he really did, but he didn’t know how he could prove it. His control of the weather took days, if not, weeks to prove and Victor wanted something quick to show. He couldn’t come up with anything. But as he met Yuuri’s eyes, he wondered if Yuuri had an idea.

“What can I do to prove to you that I am who I am?” He asked, hoping Yuuri had a quick solution for him to do.

There was a look on Yuuri’s face that Victor couldn’t describe, but he knew it hit him with sorrow and heartache. Yuuri shook his head, almost as if to tell Victor to stop. “I think you’re really nice, Victor, but this dying thing… It isn’t funny.”

Victor didn’t think it was funny either but it was never supposed to be funny. Yuuri was the one who took it as a joke first. Victor was nothing but serious. All he wanted was for Yuuri to believe him and let Yuuri know something not a single other soul knows. They were friends and Victor wanted him to know about his life. If they never became anything more, Victor wouldn’t mind. He hadn’t ever had a friend before.

A flash of determination suddenly ran through his veins and Victor was struck with a confidence that he didn’t know how it came to be. “I can prove to you that I’m a spirit,” Victor said as he sat up straight and spoke with a firmness to his voice. “Tell me what a spirit does and I’ll do it. If I can’t prove it, you have every right to… to stop talking to me.” Victor knew he would regret saying that, but he was determined and prepared. “But if I prove it to you, I ask for nothing but your trust.”

“Alright,” Yuuri said. “Deal.”

Victor suddenly didn’t know where to go from there. He scratched his neck and willed his mind to hurry up and think of a way to prove it. “So… I do need some help,” He eventually muttered with defeat. “Give me something that a spirit does and I’ll see if I can do it.”

Yuuri hummed and pressed his pencil to his lips. “Well, spirits are like ghosts, correct?”

Victor wanted to say no. There was a difference between a spirit and a ghost. As a spirit, Victor was stronger. He could hold a spiritual body. And a physical one to the person who can see him. He could breathe like a living being but feel no air go through his lungs and feel a heartbeat but to another person, they would feel and hear nothing. He could think for himself and choose his actions.

A ghost was weak. They held no body and were a blur through time. They unknowingly attached themselves to life and endlessly roam for eternity, lost and unknown to who they are and where they’re going. A ghost was a lost soul.

Victor had a purpose. He was a spirit.

But he also didn’t want to complicate things, so he nodded. “Yes.” He would explain it to Yuuri later in life – if he could prove himself.

Yuuri then turned to the forest that sat behind them. He pointed towards it with his pencil in hand, stared Victor eye to eye and said, “Walk through those trees.” Victor’s brows dropped. It seemed like such a strange request. “If you’re a spirit, then you must be able to walk through things, right?”

Victor had never tried it. He had no need to. “I don’t… is that what it’ll take for you to believe me?” He had to ask. And when Yuuri gave a nod, Victor bit back his heavy sigh.

He stood to his feet and moved across the pathway towards the forest that could determine his and Yuuri’s growing friendship. He could feel Yuuri’s eyes staring at the back of his head. He was going to judge his actions or wait for his failure. But Victor wasn’t going to fail. He took a deep breath to prepare himself then closed his eyes.

He kept them closed as he stepped forward. His heart raced with anticipation every step he took. He hadn’t felt the tree yet and Victor could feel himself smile. He must have done it. He must have walked through the tree. He opened his eyes as he took one final step when suddenly –

“Ah!”

The pain wasn’t there but the shock of having a tree trunk hit his face knocked him back. He pressed his hand to his face as if it would help the tight burn he could feel on the bridge of his nose. He could hear Yuuri’s stifled laughter in the background and the crunch of his footsteps in the snow moving towards him.

Victor fell still as Yuuri stood in front of him. He gently wrapped his fingers around Victor’s wrist and carefully moved his hand away. He leaned forward, his face inches away from Victor’s as his fingertips gently touched Victor’s face, moving his head side to side to look over Victor’s nose for injuries. Victor’s heart was running mad. Yuuri was close – _very_ close.

Then suddenly, he wasn’t. Yuuri gave a smile as he moved back and gently patted Victor’s cheek. “Well, you didn’t walk through that tree but I admire your determination.”

Victor swallowed hard and dropped his gaze to the ground. “I guess this means you’ll stop talking to me now.”

“I’m not going to do that,” Yuuri said and Victor couldn’t help but smile. Even after everything he had done – what he couldn’t prove – Yuuri still wanted to talk to him. “I just want you to stop with this death thing. I don’t know if it’s some coping mechanism you have or if it’s something you really believe but I just want you to not mention it around me… if that’s okay?”

Victor hesitated to agree but he didn’t want to ruin the one good thing that came into his life. The wind around him suddenly picked up. The icy air coiled around his feet and bit at his ankles and Victor wondered what it was trying to say. Around his feet, the snowflakes danced in the wind, following their own choreograph around him.

He had an idea.

“Can I try one more thing?” Victor asked. Yuuri held his stare, staying silent for a moment before he let out a defeated sigh.

“Okay,” He nodded. “One more try.”

Victor took a few steps back. His eyes never left Yuuri’s. “I am a Winter Spirit,” He began. He watched Yuuri’s face for a change – for the moment when he believed him. “My role is to care for the winter season and make sure it stays in control. I can’t control it. I have to encourage it. And right now, I’m going to show you that I’m… I’m attached to it – that it is connected to me and I can make it do things that nobody else can do.”

“I thought you were dead,” Yuuri asked.

“I am,” Victor said. “I was always destined to be a Winter Spirit. I just never knew until I had died.”

Victor took a deep breath and in the second of silence, the air whirled to life. The breeze was cold and crisp as it fluttered around him, ruffling his hair and chilling his bones. It gently caressed the snow around him and lifted it to take flight. It danced and twirled in a reckless choreograph, following its own music and sound. The snowflakes touched his skin with delicate kisses as the wind howled, lifting the snow like a small whirlwind around him as it rose higher in the air.

Victor couldn’t help but smile as he watched Yuuri’s reaction.

It took Yuuri a second or two to take in what was happening, even though it was right before his eyes. Victor watched the moment he took it all in – when his eyes grew wide, his eyebrows reached for the sky and his mouth hung agape. He didn’t once turn away. He didn’t hide from the truth or dismissed it. He embraced it, even if Victor could still see a flicker of doubt.

The wind came to an instant stop and the snowflakes fell in light flutters, returning back to the ground. Victor couldn’t keep his smile back and when Yuuri came to his senses, he couldn’t keep his own hidden either. Victor had to thank the wind – Mother Earth – for being on his side. He didn’t understand why they helped him but he wasn’t going to complain. They helped him and Victor was grateful for that.

“This is proof that I am a Winter Spirit,” Victor spoke. He stepped forward and took Yuuri’s hand in his own. He pressed Yuuri’s palm against his chest where he could feel his own heartbeat – but Yuuri would feel nothing. Victor let out a breath. “This is proof that I am not alive.”

Yuuri’s eyes fell to Victor’s chest. He moved his palm and pressed a little harder. His brows dropped as he glanced back up. “I can’t – I can’t feel anything,” He murmured. He moved his hand away. “I can’t feel your heartbeat.”

“I told you. I’m not alive, Yuuri.”

“I – I thought you were…” Yuuri’s hand weaved through his hair. His eyes and mouth were frozen wide open, his expression stunned and surprised. He was pale but not from the cold. “I thought you were messing with me.”

Victor shook his head. “Why would I do that?”

Yuuri didn’t reply. Instead, he mindlessly moved back to the bench they previously sat on. Victor joined him and sat down beside him, both silent as the world around them continued to move. Victor watched Yuuri. He stared straight ahead with his eyes still wide and his hands in his lap, his thumbs tapping against each other as he was deep in thought.

Then like a switch, Yuuri had questions.

“You’re a Winter Spirit?” He began with and Victor answered with a simple nod. “So, you died and became a Winter Spirit?”

“Yes,” Victor answered. “I’ve been haunting this lake ever since. It is my home.”

Yuuri’s questions became more complex after that. Victor didn’t mind. It meant that Yuuri did more than believe him, but he wanted to know more about Victor. He wanted to ask questions about his life and get to know him better like Victor had with Yuuri. He couldn’t help but let his smile stay stretched across his face with each question Yuuri asked.

They ranged from how long Victor had lived to why he only existed during the winter season. They were the easy questions that Victor didn’t have to think of the answer for. But it wasn’t until Yuuri met Victor’s eyes and asked, “Why do I see you often if nobody else can?” That Victor had to pause and think for a moment.

“I don’t really know,” He answered. “Sometimes people see me, but they never stop to talk to me or even realize I’m a spirit. But nobody has seen me as often as you have, Yuuri.”

Victor caught the sorrow that flashed through Yuuri’s eyes. “It must be lonely.”

Victor blinked. “What is?”

“You said you’ve been here for many winters and that you don’t get seen often by people,” Yuuri said and paused for a moment. “I’d feel like it’s a lonely life.”

Victor had never thought about it. Or perhaps he had once long ago but forgotten. He could say he felt lonely at times, like when the night was silent and all Victor wanted was for someone to walk through his lake to keep him company, maybe that was loneliness. Or when he wished to be loved and nurtured by someone. Maybe it was the squeezing around his heart that would tighten when he’d try to speak with people who visited his lake, only to be ignored because they couldn’t see him – perhaps that was his loneliness.

Victor never thought about it but perhaps he was lonelier than he thought.

“I guess I’m just used to it,” Victor murmured with a weak shrug. He couldn’t say he was okay with being used to it but there was nothing he could do. He was a spirit and it was a lonely life.

Something warm touched Victor’s forearm and as he looked, he saw Yuuri’s hand curled around his arm and squeeze with support. His heart raced and he glanced up as Yuuri said, “That isn’t okay, Victor.

“Maybe,” Victor said with a deep breath. “But there isn’t anything I can do about it.”

“But there’s something I can do about it,” Yuuri said. Victor glanced up and as he met Yuuri’s warm eyes that stared back into his, he came to realize something.

Yuuri truly cared about him.

Victor felt the desperate need to cry. It wasn’t from sorrow – not completely. It was from happiness, laughter, relief, and sorrow. It was a mixture of emotions and Victor couldn’t pick just one to focus on. And when Victor felt Yuuri’s warm arms wrap around him and pull him into an embrace, the world came to a stop as his heart ached for the touch. Maybe there was nothing romantic between them just yet, but Victor would never hesitate to fall into Yuuri’s arms. He never wanted the moment to end.

But moments pass and Yuuri pulled back, giving Victor a smile that melted his heart and made everything feel okay.

 

_I will help you where I can._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> °˖✧♡◝(ˆ♡ˆ)◜♡✧˖°
> 
> I'm updating this more often than I thought I would. I hope you all don't mind that!


	5. Chapter 5

 

_There was very little Victor told his mother._

_He didn’t tell her that he knew he was different to the other kids. He didn’t tell her that the snow was his sanctuary and it loved him more than she did. He never told her what the other children did to him or the things they said to him because he knew she didn’t care._

_Victor didn’t tell his mother a lot of things. But he didn’t tell anyone anything._

_There were times where Victor would sit out in the forest behind his home. He’d sit by his favorite tree, humming a Russian lullaby he heard a mother once sing to her child, and talk. He didn’t know if anyone was listening or if the winter even cared for his problems, but as he’d speak, he’d feel the cold breeze circle around him and hug him. It felt nice to get out his emotions even if he wasn’t sure anyone listened._

_When summer hit, he couldn’t feel his favorite season surrounding him._

_He never had a good summer. He always felt so alone and his favorite season wasn’t there to comfort him. The air was too hot and sticky, the kids that bullied him would be outside more, and he had nobody to turn to. He’d try and escape in the forest when he could but the kids would always find him._

_When Victor was Thirteen, he met the new boy in the village. He was Victor’s age and nobody had spoken to him yet. Victor saw his change. He had somebody he could ask to be his friend._

 

* * *

 

 

Victor learned a lot throughout his life and existence.

There was always another way of looking at life. Even when it seemed everything was lost, he tried to look on the brighter side. Dogs always understood love better than people. And trust was hard to come by. It was a rare treasure in the depths of the ocean, buried in the darkest sea and only a handful of people were lucky enough to find it.

Against the odds, Victor had found it.

Yuuri was his treasure.

Victor knew he trusted people too easily. He gave away too much of his trust. It had been broken, lies were told, and he realized how valuable being happy was. But Victor still trusted people. He continued to give his heart because he knew if he ever found that one person that didn’t abuse it, he had found somebody that deserved his trust. He had found somebody that would return it.

Yuuri returned his own in a way that was different. It wasn’t generic and it wasn’t all talk. He showed it in the way he tried to help Victor feel happier – helping him feel less alone and forgotten. He didn’t make Victor feel weak, but stronger, even with his determination to help him. And Yuuri cared for Victor. He had earned Victor’s trust and he cared for it so gently. Victor wasn’t sure if Yuuri even realized that.

Yuuri was Victor’s strength and happiness. And he never wanted to lose him.

There came a morning where the sky held a blanket of clouds. The dark clouds hung low and unmoving as it cast the world in a bitter gray. It hid the sun and darkened his lake. The white environment that was thick with frost was just enough to help Victor see in the darkness of the morning. He waited for the sun to rise and lighten up the sky.

He did what he did every morning before the sun rose and he felt for the weather changes. He couldn’t feel rain coming but the clouds laid undecided. He hoped to encourage a snowfall to hit instead of rain or even to move the dull cloud away but Victor could have been too late.

He waited patiently for Yuuri in his favorite spot. It was his usual routine. He’d sit, check for the weather, and wait for Yuuri to arrive – then wash, rinse, repeat. He didn’t expect Yuuri’s arrival for another three hours and while Victor was being impatient on Yuuri’s arrival, he also didn’t mind. It gave him enough time to _really_ discourage the rain from traveling his way, but he hoped that if his efforts failed that it didn’t discourage Yuuri to arrive.

“Victor!” Victor heard the call of his name. It startled him into awareness as he blinked rapidly, searching the area around him for the source of the sound. His eyes fell on the pathway and through the darkness, he could see something. He squinted his eyes, trying to get a better look. As the figure came closer, Victor’s brows dropped.

It was Yuuri. But the absence of Vicchan gave Victor an unnerving tug in his gut.

“Yuuri?” Victor questioned as he called back. It was too early for Yuuri to make his usual visit. He wasn’t even certain if the sun had risen yet.

Yuuri happily made his way over and sat down beside Victor. Victor watched Yuuri, curious on his early arrival, the absence of Vicchan, and why Yuuri was searching through his bag. He was about to ask then a parcel suddenly was in his face. It was wrapped in colorful paper that ranged from greens and reds and as Victor glanced at Yuuri and saw the bright smile that reached his eyes, Victor held his stare.

“Merry Christmas!” Yuuri cheered, “And a Happy 27th Birthday… again!”

Victor didn’t process it for a second or two. His mind then first snapped to the date, remembering that his birthday was most definitely Christmas Day, and then to the gift that Yuuri had gotten him. “…It’s Christmas?” Victor had to ask first. He didn’t realize it was so close the end of the year was.

“Yes!” Yuuri smiled. He moved the gift closer, encouraging Victor to open it. “And your birthday too.”

Victor held the gift in hand and decided to try and guess what was inside it before he opened it. As his fingers pressed to feel the inside, he could feel two things. There was something that he could bend with ease while another didn’t move an inch. His brows dropped. He didn’t know what was inside. He brought it up to his ear and shook it as he asked, “What is it?”

“Open it and find out,” Yuuri smiled.

Yuuri remembering Victor’s birthday as well as putting in the thought to get him a present caused a smile to stretch across Victor’s face and his stomach to flutter lightly. He tugged at the paper hiding away his gift, tearing it apart until the wrapping came away and as Victor stared down at his gift, his heart missed a beat.

 “There!” Yuuri smiled. “Now while I’m away, you have something to keep your mind occupied!”

Victor’s eyes were wide as he stared down at a sketchbook in his hands. It was the same as Yuuri’s, only smaller and with more pages. His fingertips touched the sides, feeling the clean crisp edges that felt straight and sharp. His eyes shot up and met with Yuuri’s. He could feel his heart beat hard in his chest – every beat stronger than the other and as he stared into Yuuri’s eyes, he wondered what was going through Yuuri’s mind.

“You…” Victor was lost for words. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to,” Yuuri replied. Even against the silence that surrounded them, his voice sounded so quiet and gentle. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how you sit here and just… wait for me. And you can’t even talk to people, I think that made it worse. So, I wanted to give you something to help you pass the time.”

“You got me a sketchbook.”

Yuuri nodded. “And pencils too!” He picked the packet of pencils from the ripped wrapping. Victor hadn’t seen that when he unwrapped it. “I don’t really know if you will enjoy drawing the same way I do but I couldn’t think of much else to bring. If you’re more of a reader or writer, I can bring books?”

Victor glanced down at his sketchbook then back up to Yuuri. He shook his head. “This is perfect, Yuuri.”

Yuuri smiled and Victor’s was automatic, moving before Victor even realized. He turned back to his new sketchbook and quickly flipped through the pages. As he hit the cover, he caught the sight of a page that looked different to the others. He opened it to the first page and when his eyes fell on a drawing, his breath hitched. There was a pencil drawing of himself, Yuuri, and Vicchan. Victor could see from the detail itself how much effort and hard work Yuuri had put into it. Victor pressed his hand to his heart, easing the growing tugging that sent waves of warmth and butterflies through his stomach.

“I wanted a picture of us but I didn’t think I’d be able to do that with you being a spirit,” Yuuri’s voice was so close to Victor’s ear. He had to breathe in deeply to calm his chest. “So, instead, I drew us.”

Victor closed his eyes and pressed the book to his heart. It was more than just the gift itself that meant so much to Victor, but the thought and effort Yuuri had put into creating something for Victor. It was the thought behind it, the dedication, and the uniqueness of the gift. Nobody had ever drawn him something before.

“Thank you, Yuuri,” Victor’s voice trembled. His arms went around Yuuri, pulling him into an embrace. Yuuri tensed and Victor feared he had overstepped a boundary but as he felt Yuuri relax and slip into the embrace – arms around his back and pulling him closer – Victor enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

Victor’s mind then snapped to a thought and he gasped, pulling back with eyes wide as he exclaimed, “Yuuri, I didn’t get you anything!”

He saw Yuuri wave off the comment and shake his head. “It’s fine, Victor,” He said. “I don’t expect you to give me anything.”

“No.” Victor shook his head. “No, I want to give you something.”

Yuuri let out a breath as he smiled warmly. “If you do, I’ll be here again later.” Victor raised a brow, unsure if Yuuri really meant he was coming back. “I have family visiting today but I wanted to find time to see you. So I’m going to spend a while with you before they wake up, and later today when everyone’s left.”

Victor was both honored and delighted that Yuuri wanted to spend time with him. But he didn’t want Yuuri to spend all his time there – no matter how much Victor wished he could. It was supposed to be a day where Yuuri could see his family, not ignore them for the sake of him. He didn’t want Yuuri to do that. “You shouldn’t not see your family because of me, Yuuri.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here now,” Yuuri replied. “None of them know I’m away. And I’ll be back again later so if you happen to find me a present, you can give it to me then.”

Victor smiled widely as he nodded. “I will. You deserve the best present, Yuuri.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as the sky brightened with the alarm of the morning sun rising behind the heavy clouds. The frozen chill still hung in the air but Victor could feel the temperature fluctuating – warm to cold and undecided. His lake stayed hardened by the cold icy frost. It was just thick enough for Victor to skate on it like he used to do. But he couldn’t without any skates. It would be a pitiful attempt if he even tried. He missed being able to skate.

Victor found his gaze locked onto Yuuri. He felt a little more at home every time they were together. He could easily get lost in those soft eyes and as Yuuri turned and met Victor’s eyes, he took a deep breath. He hoped that Yuuri’s thoughts about him were good.

Yuuri let out a sigh. “I should really leave,” He said and Victor’s heart sank. He knew Yuuri had a family to see but It didn’t stop Victor longing for him to stay. “I’ll be back later, okay?”

“I’ll miss you,” Victor murmured. Yuuri stared as his cheeks grew with a light pink. He took a deep breath.

“I’ll miss you too,” Yuuri replied. All Victor wanted was to hear Yuuri say that to him, and now it was said, Victor wished for more.

“I’ll have your present ready when you arrive.”

Yuuri smiled. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Victor walked Yuuri back to the gate. During their usual farewells, Yuuri would usually wave goodbye. Victor didn’t know where Yuuri’s confidence came from but this time he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Victor. Victor wasn’t going to complain. He hoped it would be their new way of saying farewell. He watched Yuuri as he left then returned back to his usual spot.

Victor’s lake was silent that day but for the first time, he didn’t mind that. His thoughts were occupied with trying to come up with the perfect gift for Yuuri. He wanted it to be special and he wanted to put a lot of thought into it like Yuuri did for his gift. But there was so little Victor could work with. All he had on him was himself and the sketchbook Yuuri had given him.

He found himself staring at Yuuri’s drawing for a while. It wasn’t just because of how beautiful it was drawn – it was the thought and effort behind it. Yuuri did more than just capture the bond that was already growing between them, but he even captured his own beauty. Yuuri was beautiful and Victor hoped Yuuri knew that.

Victor decided what Yuuri’s present was going to be. He was going to draw something for Yuuri like Yuuri had for him. As much as he couldn’t draw as well as Yuuri, he was going to try.

He opened a clear page and grabbed a pencil. He prepared himself to draw something that he hoped would be a masterpiece but as the pencil hovered over the page and he stared down at the blank paper, his mind blanked. He had nothing – no ideas, no inspiration, no nothing. He sighed heavily and tapped the pencil to his lips. There had to be _something_ Victor could draw for Yuuri.

He tried drawing Vicchan. He knew how much the small dog meant to Yuuri and it would have been a nice gift. His only reference was from Yuuri’s own drawing which he wasn’t too pleased by but it was better than him using his own memory. He had wanted to be unique but he had to work with what he had. He tried hard making it the best he could do and spent what might have been hours on such a simple drawing.

When he had finished it, he felt rather proud of his work. But it didn’t last long. When he found himself comparing the two drawings, he wanted to rip it to shreds and giving up. The lines were thicker than how Yuuri’s were and the shading didn’t look right. It sat on the page wrong and the proportions were off. Victor sighed heavily and closed the sketchbook, deciding that drawing something was definitely not the right gift to give.

But then he was stuck with what kind of gift he could give. He couldn’t give Yuuri anything else. He had nothing else to offer. He could have skated something for Yuuri but he didn’t have his skates when he had died. He couldn’t do that. He was lost for ideas.

He walked through his forest to clear his head. He walked along the rough path, avoiding the frozen pools that were beginning to crack and melt from the warmth of the day. It wasn’t a long trek. He followed the path that went around his lake and further into his forest. His forest was always quiet. He rarely ever heard the loud chirping of birds or the voices of strangers getting lost in his forest. It was silent and it helped Victor think.

He felt the wind pick up and swirl around him, giving him an encouraging push away from the path and into the forest. Victor didn’t know what it wanted to show him but he knew it wanted his attention. He felt one more big push before he decided to just go along with it. Whatever the wind wanted to show him was important. He stayed focused on where the wind was taking him, following its breeze, and going where it wanted. The further he got into his forest, the more he became cautious of where he was being taken.

He came to a stop when his eyes fell on an oil painting of colors. The wind fell silent as it became a hushed whistle in the air. Victor stared at the wide array of wildflowers. They laid scattered on the grass, covering the area in purples and whites, reds and yellow. He stepped forward and picked a flower, holding it in his fingertips as he looked over it. Its red petals stood out against the frozen white fur that fought against the warmth. Victor eyed it for a while. How the bed of flowers had survived through his harsh winter had surprised him, but he smiled. He came to a decision.

This was going to be the gift for Yuuri.

He picked a range of different types and colors, adventuring with the growing bouquet in his hand. There was a soft fragrance he could smell and the more flowers Victor picked, the more excited he was to give them to Yuuri. The bouquet was a vibrant array of colors and as he picked one final flower, he looked over them before nodding to himself. It wasn’t much, but he was pleased with it.

He glanced around the area he was in. The wind was all around – weaving and dancing through the trees. He gave a soft smile and said loudly, “Thank you!” He felt the breeze pick up as it whipped through his hair in response. Victor shook his head as he laughed.

Victor noticed the sky beginning to darken and he turned. He couldn’t see his lake in the distance. He had walked further than he should have. He kept the bouquet close to his chest as he hurried back, running and weaving through the trees. He didn’t want to not be there when Yuuri arrived or keep him waiting any longer than he could have.

When he saw the lake up ahead, Victor slowed to check on the flowers. They were all still intact which was a relief. He had feared the run may have ruined them. He glanced back up as he walked the rest of the way and checked the area he could see Yuuri. It wasn’t until he stepped onto the pathway around his lake that he saw Yuuri sitting in his favorite spot. He couldn’t help but smile.

He walked on and Yuuri eventually saw him. He smiled brightly as his eyes fell onto Victor and waved. “Victor!” He called. Victor noticed he had a new hat on.

“Hello, Yuuri,” Victor greeted as he sat beside him. He saw Yuuri’s eyes cast down to the bouquet in his hands and back up to Victor’s gaze. Victor took a deep breath, preparing himself before passing the flowers to Yuuri. “I know it isn’t much but it’s the best I could find.”

Although he had seen the gift before it was given, his eyes still widened and his cheeks burned with a soft pink. He pressed his hand to his mouth, hiding his beautiful smile behind them and Victor wished for him to move his hand – to show Victor his happiness. “These are beautiful, Victor,” Yuuri managed to murmur out and Victor’s grin stretched wider. He was so pleased Yuuri liked it.

He didn’t process the moment Yuuri leaped into his arms and pulled him into a tight hug. And before Victor’s mind caught up so he could return the gesture, Yuuri had pulled back with his smile on show and his eyes bright with joy.

His eyes fell onto Yuuri’s new hat and he found himself asking, “You got a new hat?”

Yuuri pressed a hand to his hat and nodded. “It was a present from Phichit,” He said. “I had wanted one like this for a while now and luckily, he knew exactly the one to get me.”

“That’s very nice of him,” Victor smiled but it was mostly to hide his own annoyance in himself. He wished he could have gotten Yuuri a gift he really wanted. Victor had to work with what he had. If he could, he would have gotten Yuuri so much more than just flowers.

“So…” Yuuri began and Victor feared he was about to ask the one question he was hoping to avoid. “Did you do any drawings while I was gone?”

He had hoped to avoid such a subject. While he wasn’t happy with his own drawing, he really wasn’t looking forward to showing Yuuri – a very talented artist – his pitiful attempt at trying to create something. But he didn’t want to say he hadn’t and upset Yuuri because he had. He sighed hard and shrugged lazily. “I did, but it really isn’t that good.”

“Sometimes we criticize our own work harsher than we should.” Victor thought about it. Yuuri did have a very good point. “Are you sure you don’t want me to see it?”

Victor was very tempted to say no but he didn’t see the point in it. He sighed heavily as he picked up the sketchbook. He wasn’t overly fond of showing Yuuri the drawing but he was going to anyway. He opened it to the page and handed it to Yuuri, keeping his eyes away so he couldn’t see Yuuri’s reaction. “It really isn’t that good.”

“It’s Vicchan, isn’t it?” Yuuri asked and Victor was surprised Yuuri noticed. He turned, eyes falling on Yuuri’s expression and was relieved to see Yuuri wasn’t laughing at his drawing. He nodded. “You did good!”

“Don’t give praise where it isn’t needed, Yuuri,” Victor said with the shake of his head. He didn’t want Yuuri to praise something just so he didn’t hurt Victor’s feelings. He wanted Yuuri to be honest.

“I don’t. I’m giving it where it is needed.” Yuuri then flipped between the pages of his drawing and Victor’s. He let out a sigh. “I see what you did.”

Victor blinked. “What?”

“You compared your work to my own, didn’t you?” Victor decided not to answer but his lack of response was enough to confirm Yuuri’s suspicion. “You shouldn’t do that. Trust me, it’ll just make you feel worse about your own work.”

“It’s not that I wanted mine to be better than yours,” Victor said. “I just wanted it to be… like yours, I guess.”

“Everyone creates differently, Victor. Whether it’s art, writing, filming, music, we all have our unique style.”

Victor could say his was a unique style but it didn’t mean it looked good. He appreciated Yuuri was trying but he felt it was a pointless effort. “It just doesn’t look good.”

“It does and it doesn’t.” Victor’s brows dropped. Yuuri met his eyes and asked, “Do you want constructive criticism?”

He wanted to improve and if Yuuri could give him advice, he would take it. He nodded. “Yes, okay.”

Yuuri cleared his throat and move closer to Victor. “Like I said, you did good. You were able to use my drawing as a reference and replicate it without actually copying it line for line. You did really well there.” There was a pause and Victor waited for the negative. “But I have to ask this. Did you think about how hard you were pressing down the pencil?”

Victor thought back and shook his head. “No. I just drew.”

“I think you can improve on that,” Yuuri said. “Instead of pressing down with harder lines, try sketching lightly like so…” He silently asked for Victor’s pencil and Victor handed it to him. Yuuri then showed him how lightly he draws the pencil against the paper. Victor watched his hand move back and forth, delicately coloring the page. His lines were light and free. Victor felt there was more control over the pencil. His eyes widened with surprise. He hadn’t thought of that. “Like that. What do you think?”

Victor took the pencil from Yuuri’s hands. “I didn’t think of that,” He said as he tried practicing what Yuuri had shown him. “Do you think it’ll help me improve?”

“I’ll say so,” Yuuri nodded. “You just have to practice a little more.”

Victor had a thought and his smile was lopsided as he said, “Which means you can come here more often and teach me, yes?”

Yuuri held his stare for a moment before his lips twisted into a smile. “I can do that.”

Yuuri showed him a few new techniques that he could practice a little more. The time had flown past and before they realized, the sky had darkened completely and neither could see what they were doing. Yuuri had chosen that as a good time to leave. He hugged Victor a farewell and promised to be back the next day.

When night fell, the clouds had passed and the skies were clear. And as the sun began to rise once again, the sky brightened to a clear blue sky and Victor felt content with the world. He didn’t mind sunny days as long as the sun didn’t make his season too hot or keep snow away from him for too long. Yuuri arrived a little later that day than the day before and Vicchan returned by his side, hopping along with another stick in his mouth.

They practiced drawing a little more before they became distracted by a conversation that bled into another, and another – until they had gotten sidetracked from six topics and accidentally fell onto a seventh topic.

“That reminds me, I looked you up online,” Yuuri had said and Victor’s brows dropped.

“…Online?” He asked. He didn’t know what it was. There wasn’t much Victor knew about the world outside of his lake.

Yuuri pulled a face that faded into realization. “I forgot you don’t know about the internet and computers, do you?” He asked and Victor shook his head.

He knew about the little electronic devices that people called their phones. He had seen many people walking around with them in hand over the years and he noticed how they began to change too. Their phones had gotten bigger and touchier and the earplugs that played music had gotten smaller. He knew little about phones but nothing about computers.

“No,” Victor said. “I was born in a time before then, remember?”

“Would you like me to try and explain it?” Yuuri asked and Victor nodded. He didn’t mind trying to imagine what a computer looked like. “Well, it’s uh… it’s like a huge electronic library all inside of an… uh – an electronic book.” Yuuri pulled a face that didn’t make Victor feel confident about his explanation so he took it with a pinch of salt.

“That sounds… interesting,” Victor replied. He couldn’t come up with a mental image. His mind was thinking of a library of phones but he knew that was wrong.

Yuuri cleared his throat. “But anyway, I searched online for you and I found a few things which I feel relate closely to you.”

Victor wondered what the electronic library was saying about him. He raised a brow. “What kind of things?”

“There were a few things, like ghost stories.” Victor frowned. He wasn’t a ghost and he didn’t enjoy that there were stories about him. “I found these local ghost hunters that are very dedicated to finding you. They have a whole page on their website dedicated to this lake alone.”

“Oh, yes, I know of those people,” Victor said. He remembered the ghost hunters. Yuuri’s eyes widened in surprise. “They come here once or twice a year.”

They first appeared five winters ago and tried to talk to him. Victor had wanted to communicate at first. He never had a group of people want to find and talk to him. He rarely ever spoke to someone. But after a while, he realized that they didn’t want to talk to him the same way he wanted to talk to them. They just wanted to prove that he was there. They wanted evidence for something Victor didn’t understand and it put him off wanting to talk to them.

He avoided them when they arrived the next year but they tried hard to find him. They had equipment that could sense where he was and no matter where Victor went that night, they followed closely behind. They tried hard to trace where he was and get proof that he existed. Victor really didn’t like it. It made him feel uncomfortable. He felt like he was an animal being hunted just so they could prove that he existed.

He was more curious what they were saying about him now. “What does it say?”

“Well, they know you’re here. They have evidence but if I’m being honest, it isn’t that… good,” Yuuri shrugged. “I think it’s different for me because I know you’re real, you exist, and I know you’re really here. With them, it’s all… not that good evidence.”

Victor was relieved. It had to mean that their equipment wasn’t as good as they claimed it to be that night. He felt himself smile. “That’s good,” He said. “I don’t really… I don’t enjoy it when they come here.”

“They claim to know your story,” Yuuri said and Victor became very curious.

“What kind of story?”

“Well, there were a few I found,” Yuuri said. “The first one was called The Man of the Lake. They say that a man haunts this place during the winter season. When he was alive, he vanished without a trace during the worst snowstorm this area had ever seen. The man’s body was never found but people have claimed to see a frozen man with silver hair walking in the depths of the woods. That one feels really cliché to me.”

“Hmm,” Victor hummed. “I can’t say that happened to me. I know where my body is.”

Yuuri face flushed as he paled. “Uh… D-Don’t tell me, please.” Victor didn’t plan to tell Yuuri yet. Yuuri swallowed hard and continued. “So – so the other one is about a ghost with long silver hair. People debate whether they’re a man or a woman. It isn’t a very common story but it’s one I found. People have seen a teenager with long silver hair ice skating on the lake in the very dead of night.”

Victor’s brows reached the sky. “Oh! I used to do that!” He grinned. “When I was alive, I used to ice skate on this lake a lot!”

“But you don’t have long hair,” Yuuri mentioned. Victor reached for his hair, confirming to himself that it was definitely still short.

“I did once,” He said. He remembered his long hair and how much he loved it. It felt like an eternity ago. But he moved past from that look for many reasons. He cleared his throat and wanted a subject change. “Tell me more about those stories of me.”

“The last one was apparently a prophecy,” Yuuri said and Victor felt his heart stop.

“… A prophecy?”

Yuuri nodded. “It was said that the day a baby was born with blue eyes and silver hair, he would curse his village and bring them into an eternal winter. The child apparently was not going to stop his winter until he took the lives of every soul that lived in his village. He needed to collect those souls to bring the world into an ice age. It gave him more power.”

Victor let out a relieved breath as he laughed. “Well, I can assure you that I can’t say that’s… completely true.”

Yuuri met Victor’s eyes and for the first time, Victor turned away. “… Was something like that believed while you were alive?” Yuuri asked and Victor remained silent. “Did people believe that you were born to… curse them?”

Victor took a deep breath and met Yuuri’s eyes. “What you found wasn’t completely true but…” He exhaled another breath and nodded. “Yes. They believed I was born to hurt them.”

Yuuri’s face fell. “They… did they treat you well?”

Victor paused. “No.”

He didn’t process the warmth his hand felt until he felt fingers curl around his hand. He looked down and saw Yuuri’s palm pressed against his. Victor tightened his grip, returning the gesture as Yuuri said, “You can’t help who you are, Victor.”

Yuuri was right but it didn’t stop all the pain and heartache from the memories. “I didn’t ask for this,” He spoke, his voice sounding fragile and weak. “I was chosen without being asked. And while I don’t mind because I love the winter season and I can live throughout it every year, I just… I wished they were kinder to me.”

“They should have been,” Yuuri said. “You’re still a person.”

Victor felt his lips tremble but he refused to turn away from Yuuri. His grip tightened as he fought back his tears. “It was really lonely, Yuuri.” A single tear slid down his cheeks, and then another one. He sucked in a breath and quickly wiped his cheeks dry. He thought he was over crying. “I thought I had a friend but I didn’t. I thought I had a lover but I don’t want to talk about that…”

“Victor…” Victor didn’t expect Yuuri to say anything else. He was just happy that Yuuri was listening to him.

“Thank you for being my friend, Yuuri,” Victor said through the tremble in his voice. “Thank you for accepting who I am and being so, _so_ kind to me. I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me.”

Yuuri wrapped his arms around Victor’s shoulder and pulled him close, gently rubbing his back to soothe his despair. Despite the flutter in Victor’s stomach of being so close to Yuuri, he sunk into his warmth. The simple gesture made him feel safe and his worries slowly disappeared, easing to a bitter memory that still made him ache and hurt – but very little.

“Why don’t you come with me, Victor?” Yuuri spoke in the embrace. “The outside world must have changed so much since you last left here. I want to show you it all.”

Victor tightened his grip and squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t,” He whispered. “I’m bound to this lake. I can’t leave here.”

He heard Yuuri let out a defeated sigh. They didn’t move from their embrace and in the silence of their comfort, Yuuri whispered back, “I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me too.”

 

_You’ve found someone you trust. Let them in._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not happy with this chapter at all. I actually rewrote this and while I think its... okay, it doesn't feel the same as my previous ones. I do apologize if it isn't that good!
> 
> But either way - I hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

_When Victor made friends with the new boy in his village, he felt he finally met someone who he could trust enough to tell some of his secrets to. For the first time, he told somebody what he would tell the frozen air in mid-winter. He told them how he felt and what the kids did to him, but he didn’t tell his friend about the strange differences he experienced during winter because while Victor trusted them, he was young and too scared to lose his first ever friend._

_But as summer faded into fall, Victor began to notice him acting strangely._

_He would catch his friend glancing at another kid and giving them a look, which the other kid would return and no words were ever spoken. Victor ignored it. Then his friend started talking to those other kids and he’d leave Victor for them. Victor tried hard not to mind because he could have other friends, but Victor couldn’t shake the bad feeling he had._

_His friendship with the boy was short. By the end of fall, he realized his friend wasn’t his friend after all._

_Victor was walking back home when he heard the usual group of kids calling him. He ignored them like he always did but this particular day, they tried hard to grab his attention. When he felt a hand grasp his hair and tug him back, Victor would have yelled back if he hadn’t seen his friend standing amongst the group._

_The main kid of the group sneered insults and abuse at him but it went over Victor’s head. His eyes fell onto his friend. He never met Victor’s eye._

_“He told us all about you,” A kid in the back yelled and Victor felt his heart crack. He could see his friend’s embarrassment but not from being a part of the group. He was embarrassed because of Victor. “He told us about how ‘lonely’ you are and how your mother hates you too. No wonder. I would have drowned you if you were my kid.”_

_Victor had never felt hurt like he did that day. He was betrayed – tricked by somebody who was supposed to be his friend. He didn’t hide who he was from him or hide his personal feelings. Victor thought he could be himself around him, but he was wrong._

_“Were you ever my friend?” Victor asked and he held his breath as he awaited a response._

_“No,” He answered. “Why would I be friends with someone like you?”_

 

* * *

 

The fisherman returned one morning without his fishing rod.

Victor hadn’t seen the man in a while but it didn’t surprise him. His lake had been frozen for a while. Any attempt in fishing would have been pointless. But the man returned with nothing but his dog by his side and Victor watched from across the lake. The man sat at the end of the dock, closed his eyes, and breathed in the crisp fresh air.

The man raised his head upwards as if he pondered the weather. He was different to the others that visited Victor’s lake. Their eyes stayed downcast to the ground as they walked but the fisherman held his up high. He had a stride of confidence and Victor couldn’t help but read the man as he slowly moved closer to him. The fisherman held a kindness to him, trustworthy, and was at peace with the world.

Victor stood on the dock. He watched the man as he scratched his back and wondered what was going through his mind. He was curious what kind of life he lived outside of the lake and if it was going well for him. Victor began to notice the people who visited the lake. He became curious about them. They each held different lives, all with a unique set of traits and thoughts. They held stories and pasts that were known to only themselves and Victor wished to learn.

“You must like dogs,” The man’s voice spoke low and rough, catching Victor’s attention with a startled jump. Victor turned, eyes searching behind him for the person the man was talking to but nobody was behind him. “I am talking to you.”

Victor faced him. His brows dropped and he hesitated as he pointed to himself. “M-me?”

“There is nobody else around. Yes, you,” He spoke. He stroked his hand through his pet’s fur and the companion laid down beside him. The man then gestured to the area beside his dog and met Victor’s eyes. “You can sit if you wish.”

Victor swung his legs over the edge and sat down next to the dog. The companion looked just like Yuuri’s dog – only bigger and fluffier. Victor kept his hands locked in his lap to stop himself from fussing the dog without permission. A silence fell between them and Victor wondered why the man invited him to sit with them.

“I see you here often,” The man’s voice disturbed the silence. Victor looked at him with his brows dropped and a question on his tongue. The man looked back. “You’re the ghost the kids talk about, yes?”

Victor bit his tongue to stop himself from correcting the man. “The kids talk about me?” He instead asked. He never often saw kids around his lake, only the occasional few with their families going for a walk. He wondered which one of them might have seen him.

“Yes. They have some rather… interesting stories about you,” The man replied. Victor thought about the stories. They might be different to the ones Yuuri had told him or the same, but Victor still wondered about them. He decided against asking. He didn’t wish to know yet another story of how he could have died. He instead looked up at the man and asked, “How do you know I’m a spirit?”

“I recognized you,” The man said and Victor still didn’t understand. Yuuri had trouble believing Victor was a spirit, yet the man had no trouble believing or even knowing that Victor wasn’t alive. The man cleared his throat and turned his eyes back to the lake. “As I said, I see you here often. This is the first time I’ve seen you in full.”

Victor raised a brow. “I looked different before?” He wondered what the man meant.

“You looked like a shimmer in the mist,” He answered. Victor’s gaze fell back across his lake. He didn’t realize he looked different to certain people. He thought he was either seen in full or not at all. “It’s strange seeing that boy talk to a ghost. He must see you often, if I’m correct?”

The man was talking about Yuuri. Victor’s heart jumped in his chest. “Uh, yes. Yes, he sees me in full.” Victor nodded and the man hummed in response. There was a pause and Victor took it as his chance to ask another question. “I am curious why you invited me to sit with you.”

“Just as I am curious why you stay at this lake or why you hang around with that boy so much,” The man explained. “I believe I know the answer to one, but I am curious myself.”

Victor’s brows dropped. “Which one do you know the answer to?”

“I can assure you I have not the slightest clue why you stay at this lake,” The man replied. His gaze finally turned away from the lake as they looked at Victor. “Why you hang around with that boy so much, the answer is written all over your face.”

“My face?”

“It’s more than a young crush, isn’t it?” The man asked and Victor’s heart began to race. “You admire that boy a lot, don’t you?”

“More than a lot,” Victor answered. If he were to say all the reasons, he would be speaking to the man for hours. He swallowed hard, thinking about the way Yuuri made him feel and his mouth began to speak without him knowing. “I – I feel a lot when I’m around him. My heart beats fast when he smiles and my stomach flutters when he looks at me. I trust him more than I ever trusted anyone else before. I’ve given my trust and it had been broken so many times but with him, it’s different.”

“Why is it different?” The man asked and Victor had to stop to think.

“Because while I constantly fear that whoever I speak to would abuse my trust, he’s…” Victor paused. “He cares about me. And nobody in my life has ever cared that much about me. I’ve been used and forgotten and just thrown away for being an outcast and for the first time, I feel… important. I feel like I mean something to someone. But I’m terrified, too.”

“Why are you scared?”

Victor had to let out a breath. It was a lot of emotions he had been hiding away for some time now and they were bursting forth. “I’ve… had trouble choosing the right people when I was young. I choose the wrong friends – if I could even get any. I chose the wrong lover, and the wrong mother to be born from.” He inhaled a deep breath. “I’m terrified one day, he’ll turn around and say he doesn’t care about me anymore. I know he wouldn’t, but… it wouldn’t be the first time.”

The man stayed silent for a moment. “I think you could tell that boy that you kick puppies and he’d only become reluctant to come here regularly.” Victor was mortified. He would never kick puppies. The man then let out a chuckle. “He’s just as smitten over you as you are of him.”

Victor held his stare. “You’re very observant,” He noted.

“I would say when you get to my age, you’d understand,” He paused to chuckle to himself. “But there is a very high chance that you are much older than me. Is that true?”

“Yes,” Victor answered. While he had forgotten his age, he knew he was no doubt older than the man who sat beside him. A silence followed. “My name is Victor, by the way.”

“Yakov,” The man – Yakov – introduced. He held out his hand and Victor took it. Victor’s eyes then cast down to the dog in between them. Yakov must have noticed as his hand was back through the dog’s fur. “This is Makkachin.”

Victor smiled down at the dog and hoped it was an invitation for him to fuss the fluffy dog. He gently ran his hand down its back, feeling the silky soft fur through his fingers and he repeated the action. The dog raised its head and stared at Victor with its tongue stuck out. Victor’s smile grew wider. “Hello, Makkachin.”

The dog gave a light _boof_ and Victor loved her already. “She sees you too,” Yakov mentioned and Victor gave a nod. He noticed years ago that animals seem to see him easier than humans – especially dogs. Another silence followed as Victor paid more attention to Makkachin. He then heard Yakov’s voice ask, “I do have to ask why you never leave the lake. There’s an entire world outside of here. You’ve never seen it, have you?”

Victor shook his head. “I can’t leave here,” He answered. If he could leave his lake, he would. If he could venture beyond his forest and into the life that existed further than Victor had ever been, he would. But he can’t. “I’m bound to this lake. I cannot go far.”

Yakov didn’t reply but Victor was pleased he didn’t. He didn’t always want solutions or advice to his problems. He wanted somebody to sit by and listen to him, even if the conversation was short and they’d never speak again, it was nice knowing somebody listened to him.

“If you do ever wish to talk again or join me when I fish,” Yakov spoke, “You are more than welcome to.”

Victor didn’t react for a moment. The awareness that another person seemed to care about him struck Victor with a sense of surprise and shock. And when it finally settled, his lips curled into a small smile.

“I’d like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

The day was dry but the earth was not. The frost had melted not long after the sun had risen, causing the world to become damp and moist. But beneath the shade of the trees where the sun’s rays failed to catch, frost still remained like an incomplete jigsaw. The grass was too wet for Yuuri to sit on and instead, he and Victor chose to sit on a bench in the sunlight where it was somewhat dry.

Yuuri had taken it as an advantage to draw. He sat facing Victor with his knees bent and his sketchbook resting on his legs. Victor noticed how Yuuri’s eyes would glance over his sketchbook then shoot back down to the page but Victor stopped noticing after a while. Yuuri was drawing something private – something he wouldn’t let Victor see just yet.

“It’s New Year’s Eve,” Yuuri said as he looked up from his drawing. He smiled brightly at Victor, his face full of excitement for the new year.

“Tonight?” Victor asked and Yuuri nodded. He hadn’t realized how soon the end of the year was. “Oh, that’s nice.”

Yuuri hummed as he focused intently on his sketchbook for a moment. His tongue stuck out in concentration and Victor couldn’t look away. Yuuri kept his eyes on the page as he asked, “So, what do spirits do during the new year?”

Victor frowned. “I… haunt?” He questioned his own answer. He didn’t really have an answer. “There isn’t much that I can do, really.”

“Not even your own celebration?” Yuuri asked as he finally tore his gaze away from his sketchbook. Victor shook his head and Yuuri let out a defeated sigh. “I guess I should have expected that. We should do something tonight.”

Victor would love to spend the new year with Yuuri but as much as he would love that, he didn’t want to take Yuuri away from somebody else who might want to spend New Year’s Eve with him. He had family and friends who might want him there for the new year. Victor couldn’t take him away from them. “I won’t be taking you away from anybody if I said yes, would I?”

“Just my family,” Yuuri waved off his comment. “But I have it all planned. I’d cheer a Happy New Year with them and come over here to spend the rest of the night with you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Victor said.

“But I want to.”

Victor was more than just happy. He was overjoyed. He knew that Yuuri wanted to spend time with him but the idea was still new and strange. It made Victor feel warm and sweet. It made his stomach flutter and his heart skip beats. Victor couldn’t help but smile and accept the request. He had never spent the new year celebrating with someone, only his mother, but he couldn’t call it ‘celebrating’.

They fell into a silence and Victor really began to ponder what Yuuri was drawing. He noticed Yuuri’s eyes would glance up to his face and instantly back down to his sketchbook – over and over again until Victor decided he had enough and needed to ask.

As Yuuri glanced up, he held his stare longer than usual and his brows fell. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked and Victor let out a huffed laugh.

“I should be asking you the same thing.”

Yuuri narrowed his eyes but Victor could see the playful smile he was trying to hide. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Yuuri replied and Victor turned in his seat, eyes focused on the sketchbook.

He pretended to lose interest for the moment. He saw in the corner of his eye Yuuri’s cautious gaze but waited for the moment where Yuuri would look away. He waited until he heard the light scratches of Yuuri’s pencil against the paper and in an instant, he moved forward, quickly looking down at the book – but quicker than he had done, Yuuri moved the sketchbook in an instant and pressed it to his chest.

“Victor!” Yuuri snapped. His brows were dropped and he had the least impressed look on his face. “I told you not to look at it yet.

Victor fell back in his seat and he couldn’t help but pout. He really wanted to see it. “But _Yuuri_ ~” He whined but Yuuri kept his book close to his chest and shook his head. Victor had never felt so defeated before. He let out a sigh of defeat. “Fine. I won’t look.”

“Not until I’m finished.”

Time seemed to move slowly after that. Victor found himself constantly looking towards Yuuri’s sketchbook, hoping to catch a glimpse of that he was drawing or to get a clue what it could be – but Yuuri was cautious. He kept his book away and his gaze never slipped from Victor long enough for him to really peak over.

Victor had taken entertainment in playing with Vicchan. Vicchan came over with another stick in his mouth and Victor would throw it for the small dog to chase. He would then come bouncing back with the stick almost dragging along the ground and patiently wait for Victor to throw it again. By the time Vicchan was worn out and too tired to chase the stick, Victor wondered how long it would take Yuuri to finish the drawing. He was really curious why Yuuri wouldn’t let him see it.

Yuuri still hadn’t finished whatever he was drawing. Victor crossed his arms and sighed hard. His fingers tapped on his arm in an attempt to entertain himself. It did hardly anything to occupy his mind. He had debated on drawing in his own sketchbook but he still felt embarrassed with his lack of talent that he didn’t want Yuuri to see it.

Yuuri then let out a heavy sigh and slapped his book shut. Victor looked at him and saw him putting the book in his bag. Victor’s brows dropped. “I thought you were going to let me see it?” He asked, hoping that Yuuri would reach back in and show Victor the drawing.

“I told you I’d show you when I’m finished,” Yuuri corrected. “I am not finished; therefore, I cannot show you it.”

Victor frowned but he couldn’t argue against it. Yuuri did say not until he was finished and if he wasn’t finished, Victor couldn’t see it. “Can I see it when you next come?” He asked, hoping it would be finished by then.

Yuuri stood to his feet and slipped his bag on his shoulder. He let out a hum. “If it’s finished.” He met Victor’s eyes. “I’ll be back later. I have a surprise for you.”

Victor’s brows raised and he smiled with delight. Yuuri had yet another surprise for him and he couldn’t wait. He held his smile as he walked Yuuri back to the gate. They hugged longer than normal and Victor counted up to five seconds – their longest hug yet.

And then Yuuri was gone and Victor had a whole lake to himself where he could do whatever he wanted. Which wasn’t much because there was never much Victor could do.

He walked around his lake a few times and walked along with a few people who visited. There was a young jogger who ran around the lake and Victor watched them from afar. He had two people on a date walk around his lake. Victor eavesdropped on their conversation a little – learning about their lives just from them wanting to learn more about each other. Victor saw himself and Yuuri in them.

Then night fell and Victor chose to sit under the moonlight on the end of the dock and practice his drawing. He still wasn’t very good but he could see himself improving slightly with each page. Yuuri had told him to draw every day – even if it was a bad drawing or he had no inspiration – because he would be constantly learning. It was a struggle at times, especially when he didn’t like the drawing, but he did it. He trusted Yuuri’s word.

In the dead of night, Victor heard a loud boom echo in the air and there was a distinct smell of gunpowder that followed. Victor kept his eyes on the sky. He heard the boom again and to his left, he caught the sky brighten momentarily. He kept his eyes in the new direction and heard a clutter of little bullet-like bangs echo through his forest as the sky brightened with reds and blues. He couldn’t see what was making the noise but Victor knew the year was coming to its end.

He put his sketchbook away to watch the sky brighten briefly and hear his lake echo with noise before falling into a quiet, dark silence. Victor wished he could see what made those noises. He wished he could venture into his woods and try to find what were making the noises but they were never close enough for Victor to see.

Yuuri arrived sometime after the booms had stopped with a package in hand. Victor wondered if this was another present for him. He eyed the box curiously, trying to read what was written on the box but it seemed to be all in a language he didn’t read.

“Happy New Year, Victor,” Yuuri smiled and Victor returned it. He hadn’t realized it was gone midnight.

“Happy New Year, Yuuri,” Victor replied. His eyes fell back on the box and he became more curious. He pointed towards it and asked, “What’s in the box?”

“It’s your surprise.”

Victor let Yuuri guide him along the breakaway between his forest and the pathway. Yuuri told Victor to sit and wait for him. Victor did as he was told and watched Yuuri as he ran onto the dock with the box in his hand. He felt too far back to see what Yuuri was doing but he trusted Yuuri had his surprise thought out. He waited until Yuuri came running back and as Yuuri quickly sat beside Victor, a loud whistle spat from the box and the sky burst into a fiery boom of colors.

“I thought you’d like to see some fireworks,” Yuuri said when the firework fizzled into nothing. Another then exploded above, casting the sky in vivid colors that ignited the night sky. “This was my surprise. I hope it was worth it.”

Victor had never seen fireworks before. They were what he heard every year but not once had he ever seen one. He knew his expression must have held wonder – staring up at what he knew so little about yet heard so often. He marveled at the creation and enjoyed each firework that whistled and boomed. There were different types. Some split into more and more until the color faded. Some exploded with a loud boom that sent a thrill of excitement through Victor. The sudden silence was always brief until another whistled from the box.

Between the loud booms of the fireworks and Victor’s amazement in them, his mind fell onto Yuuri. The display became forgotten as he turned to Yuuri and watched his expression. The fireworks would light up his face, showing the smile on his lips and the sparkle in his eyes. It was a perfect moment to remember and Victor would never forget that moment.

A vivid red and pink exploded through the sky. Victor’s eyes fell onto Yuuri’s gloveless hands and his fingers twitched unconsciously. He exhaled a breath and in a moment of pure confidence, he reached over and clasped Yuuri’s hand. Their bare hands pressed against each other and Victor could feel how cold Yuuri’s hands were.

Victor was suddenly staring into coffee-stained eyes and his breath escaped him. There Yuuri was, so close to him. The bright hues of blues and reds would light up Yuuri’s face, reminding Victor of the beauty that hid behind the darkness. Victor’s eyes glanced to Yuuri’s hair – his soft locks that Victor had yet to touch. He wasn’t aware of the moment his hand slowly reached up until he felt his fingers lace through Yuuri’s hair. It was soft to touch.

“Victor?” Yuuri spoke just above a whisper. The fireworks had stopped.

His hand was on Yuuri’s cheek. His thumb stroked across the skin. Just like his hair, it was soft to touch. He could see Yuuri’s lips grow into a warm smile as he moved in with the touch and Victor could only think of kissing those lips – to feel them against his own. Yuuri’s breath was warm against Victor’s lips and he wondered when they had gotten close.

They were so close. Victor’s eyes glanced from Yuuri’s lips to his eyes. He waited for the confirmation – the look through Yuuri’s eyes that said it was alright, but Victor couldn’t see it. He didn’t know if Yuuri wanted this but Yuuri didn’t pull away. He inhaled a breath and held it. He would regret never trying and he willed himself to slowly move forward –

“Not yet,” Yuuri whispered and Victor stopped. He pressed his lips together, moved back, and opened his eyes. “Not yet, Victor.”

He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little hurt through his chest but he understood as well as he could. Yuuri wasn’t ready. He said so himself. Not yet wasn’t a denial, nor was it a rejection. It was a soon-to-be yes. Victor let out the breath he was holding and nodded softly. “Okay,” He said. “Not yet.”

Yuuri’s expression fell. “I – I’m sorry, Victor.”

“Don’t be, Yuuri,” Victor replied. He didn’t want Yuuri to apologize for not wanting something. He had no reason to continue something he didn’t want to do yet and Victor was never going to force Yuuri into it. “It’s okay. I can wait.”

“It – It isn’t a rejection, okay?” Yuuri said and Victor nodded. He knew, but it was nice hearing the words come from Yuuri. It wasn’t a rejection. “I want this too. Believe me, I do. But I just… I want it to be good for both of us.”

“When you are ready, Yuuri, I’ll be here,” Victor said. He would always be there for Yuuri. Even if it were a rejection and Yuuri just wanted to be friends, Victor would still be there for him. “Don’t think you owe me anything. I will wait.”

Yuuri pressed his lips together tightly, almost as if to keep the glaze in his eyes from falling. He leaned forward but not for a kiss. He gently pressed their foreheads together and Victor closed his eyes, basking in the warmth he could feel radiate from Yuuri. “We could have started the new year with a kiss,” Yuuri said and Victor let out a soft laugh.

“This is just as good,” Victor replied. He opened his eyes and saw the soft smile on Yuuri’s lips. Yuuri then moved closer and Victor’s arms went around him, pulling him closer. He could feel Yuuri’s arms circled around his waist and his head resting in the crook of his neck.

And they stayed like that, even when Victor heard soft, deep breaths come from Yuuri. He had fallen asleep. He wanted to wake Yuuri and send him home, but the softness of his face and the warmth of his body discouraged Victor to do so. He wanted to enjoy this especially now his season was slowly beginning to end.

He was going to enjoy his time with Yuuri – whether they kiss one day or not, Victor would enjoy every moment.

 

_Love awaits. You were patient. It will work in your favour._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel better about this one! Also Yakov and Makkachin made their appearance!! I really wanted to involve the two somehow and I knew exactly what to do when I remembered the fisherman!


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

_When Victor was fifteen, he ran away from home._

_It was the dead of night. He could feel the snow beneath his feet as he ran. He could feel the wind encouraging him to run – pushing him forward and giving him speed. Distance was all that mattered and Victor didn’t stop for anything. He didn’t turn back. He didn’t second guess himself. He was gone._

_He couldn’t spend another day in his village. The longer he stayed, the more hatred began to accumulate deep inside his mind. He wanted nothing more than to see his village buried beneath a heap of snow and never see it in his sight ever again. He wished for the children to stop with their taunts and their parents to stop blaming him. He wished for his mother to care for him for once in his life. He wished for a lot of things._

_But Victor had to fight his battles alone. If he wanted them gone, he’d have to leave._

_He had to stop when the sun began to rise. He was tired and worn out and he needed a drink. It was then he found a lake. It was as if the trees had opened up to reveal its beauty to him. The water was still – frozen solid like a mirror. There was an absolute silence. No air stirred the trees and no clouds drifted across the blue sky. It was tranquillity and Victor fell in love._

_He thought he was far enough to never be found but the strong hand on his shoulder made his chest ache and his heart shatter. He looked up to see his mother’s face. She stared down at him - emotionless and blank. He didn’t understand why she’d go looking for him. He didn’t understand why she was trying to bring him back home but he never understood his mother. And she didn’t let him._

_Victor had given up. His mother didn’t let go of his shoulder or loosen her grip as she walked him back. The walk was silent and neither spoke a word but that was normal between them. Victor looked up at her eyes. They were cold but not like his season._

_“Did you ever love me?” Victor asked. He already knew the answer but the last ounce of hope he had inside made him pray for a different answer._

_His mother never looked at him. “How can anyone love a pebble in a shoe?”_

 

* * *

 

Victor could say a lot about how Yuuri made him feel.

He wanted to say it was love but it didn’t feel right to claim that just yet. He couldn’t say it was a crush either. He was stuck in between the two – stuck in a constant loop of not knowing his own emotions to knowing exactly what it was and Victor changed his mind almost every minute.

Whatever it was – whether it was love, friendship, or pure admiration – Victor knew what he and Yuuri had could not be replicated or replaced by another. Yuuri was too important to Victor. He could never throw away what they have for another person. Nobody could make Victor feel how he does and nobody ever had. Yuuri cared for Victor with pure kindness and devotion. Victor felt strongly for Yuuri. And Victor hoped to whatever entity was listening that Yuuri felt the same way.

Yuuri slept soundly by Victor’s side. His breathing was even and his body was warm and relaxed. Victor kept him close, holding onto him to keep him comfortable against the rough ground he sat on. It didn’t last long. Yuuri woke up soon after he had fallen asleep and Victor sent him home to sleep in his more comfortable bed. It was better than the ground.

When Yuuri said goodbye, Victor thought long and hard about what he wanted to do next.

They had nearly kissed. That was fact number one. Yuuri had denied the kiss and said, “Not yet.” That was fact number two. It seemed easy to understand when Victor spoke the words out loud but thinking about them made him overthink and overanalyze. That wasn’t what Victor wanted. He didn’t want to make his own assumption on how Yuuri felt and what Yuuri was thinking. He wanted to get on the same ground as Yuuri – to understand him and to listen to how he really feels.

Victor knew what he wanted to do next.

He came to the quick decision to talk about it. He wanted to ask Yuuri about his feelings and get on the same page as him. It was silly of them not to speak about it and Victor didn’t want them to pretend it never happened. He didn’t want to avoid the topic and become confused. He thought it was the right thing for them to discuss it in full so he knew where he was standing and how Yuuri felt.

Victor agreed with himself. A talk was needed.

The morning sun rose above the trees, casting the world in a ray of amber with reds that painted the clouds in patches. It was a clear day. And it was a silent one. The fisherman he met arrived with his dog and Victor sat up as he watched Yakov walk down the pathway with Makkachin bouncing happily behind. Victor waved to get his attention but Yakov did not glance up. He couldn’t see Victor that day.

Victor waited. The sun rose higher and when Yakov and Makkchin left the lake, Victor wondered if Yuuri was coming back. He felt the chill of fear rush up his spine. He feared he scared Yuuri away by being too forward and now Yuuri didn’t want to speak to him anymore. He knew it was an irrational fear. Yuuri was most likely still asleep but no matter how many times Victor told himself that, he still worried.

Victor sucked in a breath, bowed his head, and forced his mind to focus on the positive. He needed to calm down. He needed to grab his senses and stop worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet.

“Victor?” Yuuri’s voice disturbed him and as he glanced up, relief washed over him.

“Yuuri,” Victor sighed happily. He was so delighted to see Yuuri again. Victor shifted to the side to make room for Yuuri and as he patted the space beside him, he said, “Sit, please, I want to talk to you.”

“No, Victor,” Yuuri’s voice was forceful and stern. Victor held his stare as he blinked. It seemed out of character for Yuuri to act that way. Yuuri then cleared his throat. “Can… can you stand up…. Please?” And there was the polite and kind Yuuri Victor knew.

Victor stood to his feet. The moment their eyes met, Yuuri moved closer and Victor stood frozen. He could feel his chest race as his mind focused on the rich amber in Yuuri’s eyes. Yuuri’s hands were pressed against his cheeks, cupping them as he leaned forward. He didn’t press his lips to Victor’s like Victor had imagined. Instead, he rested his forehead against Victor’s, closed his eyes, and breathed.

Victor exhaled a shaky breath. He let his eyes close, allowing himself to feel. Yuuri’s hands were bare. His icy cold fingers seeped into Victor’s being and warmed him from the inside. Yuuri’s hair tickled his skin as the breeze blew gently in between them, circling their bodies and silently moving around them. He wondered how close Yuuri’s lips were. His warm breath ghosted across his skin and Victor stifled his surprised gasp as Yuuri’s lips captured his.

And suddenly, without words, Victor knew how Yuuri felt.

Quicker than it happened, it was over. Victor didn’t know if he should pull away or move back but Yuuri remained still, his hands still cupping Victor’s cheeks. Victor fell into the touch as his hands found the soft curve of Yuuri’s hips. His arms circled around as he encouraged Yuuri to step closer. Both their breaths were shaking.

“I spent a long time encouraging myself to do that,” Yuuri said, his voice was barely above a whisper.

“Had you not wanted to do that before?” Victor questioned. The conversation he had planned was quickly forgotten. This was far better than the talk.

“I had,” Yuuri replied. “But I realized how stupid it was for me to want to wait. I had no reason to wait, Victor. I had no reason to deny something that we both want.”

Even if Yuuri had asked to wait, he would have. But hearing those words and finally being able to kiss Yuuri was far better than waiting and Victor couldn’t help himself any longer. He gently leaned in and kissed Yuuri’s warm lips. They were soft and fit in perfectly on his own. The world around him seemed to fall away, everything became muffled and silent except for himself and Yuuri. As they pulled apart and met each other’s eyes, they couldn’t contain themselves anymore.

Victor knew this could end in heartbreak. He wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he was immortal while Yuuri was human. Yuuri was going to age while Victor stayed young. Victor was going to still be at the age of twenty-seven when Yuuri dies of old age away from his lake and Victor would never see him again. Victor was very aware of that.

But in that moment where their kisses blurred together, he knew he couldn’t fight this. He couldn’t fight against the thoughts that were going through him. Whether this was love Victor was feeling or a strong crush, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because Victor knew he would follow Yuuri through hell if it meant keeping him safe. He would care for Yuuri and treat him the way he deserved because Victor would give Yuuri the world and beyond if he could.

Yuuri’s words then echoed through his mind. _I had no reason to deny something that we both want_. He pulled back and let out a shaky breath. He needed to ask. “Yuuri,” He purred, his voice was low and husky. “You want this?”

“I do,” Yuuri replied. They opened their eyes and stared into each others. “I wanted this for a while now but I think I was scared.”

“You have no reason to be scared, Yuuri,” Victor said and Yuuri didn’t hesitate to agree with Victor. He tightened his grip around Yuuri. He wasn’t going to let him go.

“I know. It was my nerves that stopped me.”

Victor put the pieces together. It was why Yuuri had told him it wasn’t a rejection – why he said he wanted it but he wanted to wait. Yuuri was nervous and as much as Victor didn’t want Yuuri to shy away from him, he couldn’t make Yuuri open up to him. But Victor would be patient. He would happily go at Yuuri’s pace if that meant Yuuri feeling comfortable.

“So, what would you like for us to be?” Victor asked. He wanted Yuuri to make the call. “Because I know what I would like to call us.”

“Lovers?” Yuuri asked. Victor watched a warm smile grow on Yuuri’s face and Victor let his own show. He nodded happily and without a second doubt. And suddenly, it was official. They were lovers.

Victor couldn’t help himself as he kissed Yuuri’s lips once again. He would never get used to that feeling.

~

“Have you got the video recording?”

Victor’s ears perked up. He could hear voices in the darkness. He stayed where he was – leaned against his favorite tree – and listened.

“No, because we haven’t started yet,” A different voice replied back. It was a male. Victor didn’t look to see who it was. He chose to remain hidden just in case they could see him. “I’ll start the recording when we begin. Now everyone, move out of the frame. I want to get Mila and Georgi in.”

Victor became curious. He recognized the voice and he remembered the man’s name but his assumption felt wrong. It couldn’t be who he thought it was. He peered around his tree. He hoped his assumption was wrong.

He saw three men and a woman standing in a clearing with flashlights in their hands that brightened their area of the woods. One male was holding a camera in hand, the other had a bag over his shoulder that Victor knew was more electronic equipment. He narrowed his eyes at the group. He knew exactly who they were.

“Okay, are you ready?” The youngest of the group spoke. They each nodded. “Okay, recording in three, two,” He said the one silently and nodded when he hit zero.

“Another year, another look into the infamous lake that many have claimed to be haunted,” Victor recognized the man as Georgi. Victor got to his feet and stepped closer. He hadn’t expected them to arrive so early in the year. “We’re taking a different course of action this year. I would like to introduce Mila Babicheva – a very gifted psychic medium who is going to help us dig deeper into the life of the spirit who lives here.”

Victor couldn’t help but smile to himself. After the day he had, even the ghost hunters couldn’t ruin his mood. He stepped forward and stood in between Mila and Georgi. He wanted to test if the medium could really sense he was there and if she could actually get his story right and learn more about him.

“That is true,” Mila spoke to the camera. “I can use my mediumship to feel for any spirits. Then, I ask them questions and try to see their life through my eyes.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, staying silent for the moment. Victor raised a brow and wondered what she was doing. “I sense the spirit is here.”

Georgi’s eyes went wide. He turned, spinning in a circle with his flashlight pointing in each direction to find the spirit Mila spoke about. He completely looked through Victor and Victor couldn’t help but grin. It was humorous to watch. “Where is the spirit?” Georgi suddenly asked when he faced Mila.

Mila kept her eyes closed. She held her hand out in front of her and moved it around in the air. She then turned to face Victor. Her hand moved forward and Victor felt a tingle through his gut as Mila’s hand went straight through him. “They’re here,” She said and Victor wanted to squirm away but he couldn’t. His limbs went stiff as he froze on the spot, unable to move away.

She then removed her hand and Victor was quick to stumble back. He shivered and cringed, moving away from them. He always hated when those who couldn’t see him touched him or walk through him. It would make him feel strange and sick. And the worst part was that he couldn’t even move away from it.

“Do they have anything to say to us?” Georgi asked as Victor moved away from the two and behind the blond who was recording. Victor thought he was less likely to accidentally touch him. “If you’re here, please tell us your name!”

Victor wasn’t too much in the mood to be near them anymore but he wanted to have some fun with them. He held a mischievous grin on his face as he stared straight at the medium and said, “Georgi.”

Her brows dropped and Victor questioned the look. Her eyes opened and she looked at Georgi. “I heard your name,” She said. Victor and Georgi shared the same expression – brows up high and eyes wide. “I feel like they’re taunting us.”

Victor crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. He wanted to taunt them. He wanted to annoy them and irritate them enough that maybe one year, they’ll give up trying to find him and leave him to haunt in peace. But he also didn’t enjoy taunting them. He felt no better when he did. He just wished they would stop trying to chase him.

“Perhaps we should use a different tactic to get them to talk to us,” Georgi suggested. “We could try and anger them?” Mila pulled a face and shook her head.

“No, that would make things worse,” She said. Victor liked her more than he thought he would, even if she did stick her hand inside his gut. She then hushed the group and everyone fell silent. Her eyes fell shut and she let out a breath – a puff of mist escaped her lips. “I sense a male in their… late twenties. I can’t tell their age but from a guess, I want to say twenty… seven.”

Victor felt his heart pound. They had never gotten that close to discovering him. He knew he wanted to see how close they could get to discovering him but hearing them get that close had him change his mind. He wanted to remain anonymous and to continue to be a mystery. He hoped they would one day give up and leave him alone. He didn’t like the chase. He didn’t like their obsession with him. He may be dead, but he was still a human with emotions and feelings. They sometimes didn’t think of him that way.

“What else can you sense, Mila?” The one standing behind the blond-haired boy asked. Victor recognized him from the previous year when he replaced another member. He never learned the man’s name.

“I want to find his name,” She said. Her eyes were still closed and her hands clasped together as she focused.

“If we find out his name, we can learn more about his past and who he is,” Georgi said to Mila. Victor didn’t want that. He didn’t want them trying to find out more. He wanted to forget his past. It didn’t matter to him now. “If we uncover the secrets of this lake and find out who he is, we can go even further. We won’t be seen as a joke anymore.”

“We’ll always be seen as a joke with the way you obsess yourself over ghosts,” The one filming said and Victor felt himself smile. He had a point. “We’ll just find out who this guy is and leave it at that.”

“No. People want to know more. They want full proof and I _will_ give it to them.” Georgi turned to meet the camera. “Edit that out.” He looked back at Mila. “Mila, try and find out as much as you can. If you give us a name, we can get plenty from that.”

“I’m trying but he’s closed himself off,” Mila said and Georgi exhaled a frustrated huff. Victor could see Georgi was beginning to get irritated but he didn’t want them to know any more information about him. He built himself an invisible wall and hid behind it in defense. It was his only way of fighting back.

Victor knew Georgi was the leader of the group. Every year, he demanded more than he was given while the others would be happy with what they had received. Georgi had replaced members over the years. Victor didn’t need to be told why.

It was the same thing every year – Georgi would attempt to find Victor and Victor would either hide from them or keep himself closed off. He may not know when somebody can see him or not, but he knew how to be nothing more than a whisper in the wind when he wanted to.

“He’s – wait,” Mila held up a finger as she paused. “I think I have a name.”

“A name?” Georgi asked as he stepped forward. The cameraman did too, as did Victor. “What is his name?”

She closed her eyes and focused. There was a silence. “Victor.”

Victor was stunned, to say the least. He thought he had blocked himself off from them but he had clearly been wrong. Georgi’s group had never gotten that close to him before. Mila helped him discover more than just a blurry photo of him. She helped find his name and Victor didn’t yet know how he felt about that.

“Victor?” Georgi questioned. Mila nodded. “Don’t you have any last names or…?”

“No. I’m – I’m getting a few things come through.” She fell silent. Her fingers gently pressed to the side of her head as she closed her eyes. Victor waited with anticipation. “He – He died here. I can’t sense where, but his body is somewhere in this area.”

“Do you think we could find his body?” Georgi asked and the cameraman let out a disgusted noise while the man behind him pulled a repulsed face. Victor could agree with them. It was rather disgusting that he wanted to find his body. Victor didn’t think too fondly of the idea of somebody wanting to find him.

“That is disgusting and we are not doing that,” The cameraman stated. The man behind nodded. “We’re looking for a ghost, not a crime scene.”

“Look, Yuri, it was just a thought,” Georgi snapped. Victor felt his heart soar. The cameraman had the same name as his Yuuri. He perked up just at the thought of Yuuri and the amazing day he had.

“I just felt a lot of emotion,” Mila said and Victor quickly pressed his hand to his heart, trying to force himself to calm down and stop feeling. She was reading too much and he was being too open. “He’s lonely, but he’s… he’s found someone.”

Victor’s stomach locked tight and his teeth pressed tightly together. He shook his head, wishing that she could see him. She wouldn’t dare mention Yuuri’s name. He vowed if she got his Yuuri involved in the mess he was stuck in, he would not hold himself back.

“Who?” The cameraman – the other Yuri – asked. “Perhaps we can find them and ask about this ghost?”

Mila nodded and she returned back to her focused state as she asked out loud, “Please tell us who you’re speaking to.”

There were many things Victor wanted to say to them but Yuuri’s name was certainly not one of them. He crossed his arms and kept his lips sealed. He wasn’t going to say a word. He had debated about leaving but he knew they would only follow him once they got their equipment out. He was going to keep his foot down. Yuuri was something they were never going to find out.

“He won’t tell me who it is,” Mila said and Victor gave a strong nod. He was definitely never going to say. She opened her eyes and met Georgi’s disappointed stare. “It’s understandable. He feels strongly towards this person. I want to say love but I don’t think he’s quite there yet. He wants to keep them protected.”

“So, we’re dealing with a spirit that’s fallen in love with someone?” Yuri asked and Mila nodded. “… Is that all?”

“What do you mean, ‘Is that all?’” Georgi turned to Yuri, mouth agape with amazement in his eyes. He let out a laugh, “This is amazing! You do realize we have to find this person, right? If they’re seeing and talking to this spirit we’ve been searching for, they’ll be able to prove that he’s here with us!”

Victor shook his head. Even if they did find Yuuri, he would never tell them about him. He would never utter a word about Victor’s existence or his story. Victor trusted Yuuri enough to keep it to himself.

“You’ll anger him,” Mila stated and Victor agreed with her. He was already feeling a growing anger towards them – Georgi in particular. The others already knew their limits. Georgi was the only one who was determined enough to go even further into the unknown and delve into Victor’s past uninvited and demand the answers that nobody knew the truth to.

Georgi was the problem. Victor could forgive the others but if Georgi were to get too close to Yuuri, Victor didn’t know if he could hold himself back. His perfect day felt almost ruined by the man. He wasn’t going to let him ruin any other days.

“We will get evidence,” Georgi defended. Mila crossed her arms and stood tall. “Think about it, we could be seen as legends. We could go even further than this lake and find more ghosts and spirits we could communicate with. And you will be a very successful medium. Doesn’t that sound amazing?”

Mila held her gaze as she shook her head. “I don’t care.” Victor liked her the most. “I know my limit. Spirits were once people – not animals that you hunt for your video evidence. I will not be a part of this team if we go questioning someone and anger a spirit. They can be powerful and dangerous.”

“Good,” Georgi said. “Evidence.”

Mila exhaled a breath as she shook her head. Victor noticed the other two shared the same expression of disappointment. Yuri had lowered the camera and the man behind him stepped forward. “I think we should call it a night,” He said and Yuri agreed.

“Otabek is right,” He said and Victor made a mental note of his name. “We can discuss more tomorrow and find out what we want to do.”

They agreed and packed away their things. Victor watched them as they began their trek outside of the forest, using their flashlights to light the way and ensure that the didn’t fall on any branches. He saw Mila hang behind and Victor became curious why she was slowing down rather than speeding up. She came to a stop and turned. Victor felt like their eyes met in the darkness and he couldn’t look away. She was waiting for something.

“I will make sure he doesn’t go too far,” She said. Victor didn’t know what to do. He wanted to thank her but he didn’t know If she could see or hear him. He wanted to let her know how much he appreciated that she was going to try and help.

Victor did all he could do too and he tried. “Thank you.” When he saw her smile, he knew she heard him. She turned around and ran back after her group. Victor stayed behind. However the conversation between them may go, he believed Mila had it under control.

He hoped, at least. But he trusted she would try.

 

_You will be safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact: I didn't actually intend on having Mila, Georgi, Yuri, and Otabek as the Ghost Hunters but that just kind of happened! I wanted to include them somehow and I thought it would be interesting!  
> Also, heeeeeeey, check out that kiss (´∀｀)♡  
> Also, also! Because of a couple of my readers, I have a possible Mermaid AU in the making! I don't think it'll be up until I finish this story, but I'm super excited for it!!


	8. Chapter 8

 

_Victor_ _had given up._

_He knew no matter what he did or where he ran, he could never escape the horrible life that he was living._

_If his mother hated him as much as he thought, he hoped that one day she might just end his pain for him. But he would think back to when she brought him home and he wondered why she even tried to keep Victor with her. She could have left him in that forest to live by himself or to die by natural causes and yet, she hadn’t._

_Victor thought a lot about that. But he also thought a lot about the lake he found._

_He went back._

_The first few times, he enjoyed the peace and the silence. He made extra sure that none of the other children followed him and that his mother didn’t know he was going back. He kept it private. It was his sanctuary to hide and escape from the world that hurt him._

_He didn’t stay. He couldn’t. He feared his mother would come back and force him back home if he stayed. He thought about running away often. He would look further the lake, beyond the trees and through the forest that he could easily get lost in. It would take nothing but his feet to take him further than he ever imagined. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know why. He just couldn’t._

_It was Victor’s sixteenth birthday when he found an old, worn down pair of ice skates in the back of his mother’s closet._

_He hid them in his bedroom where he knew his mother wouldn’t find them. Victor waited out until his mother left the house before he ran back, grabbed them, and quickly made his way over to the lake. The frozen bite of the wind and the thick snow that crunched beneath his feet was enough to tell Victor that the lake was frozen._

_Victor fell in love that day. And skating quickly became his enjoyed pastime._

 

* * *

 

 

Victor was hiding.

He couldn’t say he was hiding very well but it did the job.

The ghost hunters had returned. They came back with their equipment and cameras, setting it up around the area they were days before. Victor stayed away from them. He watched from afar, hiding behind a small tree that did nothing to hide him completely.

Victor watched their every move. Georgi had a camera in hand and walked around their area, snapping photos with each turn. Otabek and Yuri held a conversation that was unknown to Victor. He wondered if it was about him. And Mila stayed out of the way. She ventured further around the area but not too far from the group itself. He suspected she was searching for him.

Victor wanted to avoid them if it had not been daytime. Yuuri was due to arrive soon. Victor didn’t know how to explain he was hiding from a group of ghost hunters; he hadn’t even told Yuuri about them yet. He was sure to tell Yuuri today. He didn’t want the group to see Yuuri talking to somebody they couldn’t see. It would influence questions. They would bother Yuuri too.

As the day continued, they moved closer to the lake itself. They didn’t stray far. Victor hoped they would stay on their side of the lake. He would stay on his side, stood behind his tree and hidden from their curious eyes.

“Hello?”

Victor turned when he heard the voice. Behind him stood the red-haired medium he knew was named Mila. He blinked and fell silent for a second or two. He gave a small, uncertain wave. “…Hi?”

“I can see you,” Mila confirmed Victor’s assumption. Her eyes never left him. Victor wasn’t used to being seen my so many people. First Yuuri, then Yakov, and now Mila. He wondered why this year was so different.

“I can tell.”

Mila shifted where she stood. “I want to speak with you.”

Victor’s eyes fell across the lake. Mila’s group were all preoccupied with their own thing. Yuri and Otabek continued to talk. Georgi was staring down at his camera. Victor was certain they didn’t send her over to find him. He wanted to give her a chance.

“Okay,” He said as he met Mila’s stare. “What would you like to talk about?”

“I just want to start off by apologizing for Georgi’s behavior the other night.” Victor fought the urge to walk away. He didn’t want to hear apologies or excuses. But he let her continue. “When he becomes very dedicated to something, it borderlines obsession. He doesn’t mean for it to go so far. He just doesn’t know when to stop.”

Victor sighed and crossed his arms. “I don’t want to hear apologies,” He said. “I want you all to stop following me. While I like speaking to people, I don’t want to be stalked.”

“That is why I’m here,” Mila replied and stepped closer. Victor held his stare, trying to work out if Mila was as sincere as she came across as. “Yuri and Otabek are here for fun. They have an interest in ghosts and I think they’re here only because they’re bored. They don’t see this as a career or life goal like Georgi does. They’re young. They don’t know this world.”

As Victor watched Yuri and Otabek laugh with each other, he decided they were the least of his concerns. Mila was right. They were harmless. They were no threat to Victor. And he didn’t see Mila as one either but he couldn’t help his own curiosity. She was there for another reason. Victor could feel it.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why are you here?”

Mila exhaled a breath. “I want to give you a heads up.”

“A heads up?” He asked. “Is something going to happen?”

“I didn’t realize how much my words were influencing Georgi to become so dedicated in looking for you,” Mila began. Victor could feel his chest race. “My readings were so clear. You’re a very strong spirit. I didn’t know how much I was saying until the words fell from my mouth. You’re… different to other spirits I’ve sensed.”

“I’m just a spirit,” He said. He didn’t want Mila looking too far into his existence. He didn’t mind Yuuri knowing who he was. Mila was different. He didn’t know Mila. His brows then dropped as he had a thought. He couldn’t help but wonder. “Are you trying to say that it was your fault he’s here again?”

“I’m saying I may have influenced it.” Victor didn’t know what to say. Mila’s gaze fell to the ground. She exhaled a sigh. “If I didn’t say anything or claim that there was a spirit here, I could have stopped him coming back. I could have discouraged him.”

Victor wanted to blame her. He wanted to yell at her and say his new worries were all her fault. But he couldn’t find it in himself to be angry at her. He was thinking realistically. She wouldn’t be explaining herself if she didn’t feel sorry. She would be doing the same as Georgi – unable to see past her own obsession. Victor couldn’t be angry at her.

“I want to blame you but that wouldn’t be right of me.” When she smiled, Victor felt better. “That night, you said you would make sure he wouldn’t go too far. I’ll trust you.”

“Thank you, Victor.”

Victor returned the grin. “So, is something going to happen?”

“I’m sure you’re aware that Georgi wants to find the person you talk to?” Victor’s heart jumped to his throat. He held his breath as he nodded. “He’s desperate to find them. He seems to think they’ll tell him everything about you. They won’t, will they?”

Victor shook his head. “No.” He was certain Yuuri would never utter a word.

The wind whistled high above the trees. Their silence fell unnoticed to the world. Victor didn’t know where to look and he became interested in the grass that was swaying in the breeze. “I am curious,” Mila suddenly spoke. Victor glanced up. “How did they get so close to you? Are they a medium like me?”

If Victor knew himself, he would be hesitant to tell her. He had no answer to give. “I don’t know,” He said. “He saw me a few times before we spoke. He seems to see me all the time now.”

“Perhaps it’s a psychic connection?” Mila suggested. Victor didn’t know. “Some people are more spiritually open than others. It’s possible he could be more aware than I am.”

“Maybe,” Victor wondered. “There have only been a handful of people who have seen me. You’re the third person I’ve had a full conversation with.”

Mila’s eyes dropped. “You died here, didn’t you?”

He didn’t know what influenced her to ask but he had no reason to hide it. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.” Victor didn’t know what to say. It happened a long time ago. He had plenty of time to grieve over his own death. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”

Victor raised a brow. She couldn’t possibly know. “You know?” He had to ask and when she nodded, he questioned how much Mila really knew. He suspected it was more than she told.

“I picked it up during my readings. I didn’t mean to intrude but sometimes I get given more than I ask for.” It made a little more sense to Victor. He didn’t enjoy that she found out without asking but he reminded himself she couldn’t help it. They both fell silent for a moment. “Did your prophecy come true?”

Victor’s gaze fell to the ground. His chest swelled with emotion as he nodded. He heard no reaction out of Mila but saw her concern as he met her stare. He suddenly felt he could tell her all about his sorrows and she would sit there and listen to him – like a friend, or a mother. “I believed it could have gone differently if… certain circumstances were different. But it happened.”

Mila’s words fell silent as a loud yell of her name echoed across the lake. Georgi was waving at her to come back. Mila sighed and Victor would have commented if his eyes hadn’t fallen on Yuuri and Vicchan. Yuuri stared wide-eyed at Georgi, startled by his aggressive tone as he walked past. Victor’s heart quickened.

“I will keep them away from you,” Mila said as she took a few steps back. Victor glanced at her for only a second before his eyes fell back on Yuuri. He was past the group. Victor exhaled a breath of relief and turned his attention to Mila. “And I’ll keep information about you to the bare minimum.”

Victor didn’t understand why Mila would go to such efforts for him but he appreciated it. “Thank you,” He smiled. Mila gave a nod before turning and making her way back to her group.

Victor chose to stay behind. He watched Yuuri from a distance as he continued his walk around the lake. Yuuri often glanced back towards the ghost hunters and then to his surrounding area. He was looking for Victor. Victor usually waited where the ghost hunters were. He knew Yuuri was beginning to get concerned, he could see it in his face.

But he stayed put and waited. Yuuri would find him soon.

A thought flashed through Victor’s mind. He didn’t enjoy that somebody knew about his past and his prophesy, even if they were kind and trustful. He had wanted to mention it himself – to talk about it to the person of his choice and let them know a part of him nobody else should know.

Victor wanted to tell Yuuri. And he was going to in time.

Their eyes finally met. Yuuri’s smile stretched across his face and Victor’s did too. Yuuri strode forward with Vicchan following behind. Yuuri said nothing as he stood inches away from Victor and leaned in for a kiss.

But Victor was quick to deny it.

His eyes fell between Yuuri and Georgi and only one thought went through his mind – He needed to hide Yuuri. He gripped Yuuri’s hand and without saying a word. He pulled Yuuri with him and moved fast. He couldn’t stop glancing back. He needed to be sure Georgi didn’t see Yuuri. He needed to sneak away without being noticed.

He hadn’t had to do that in a long time.

“Victor?” Yuuri asked the further into the forest they went. Victor ignored him. “Victor, is everything okay?”

He knew Yuuri was getting worried. He would explain everything soon. His first concern was getting Yuuri out of sight and safe. He made sure they were far enough to be undisturbed. He glanced back to check one last time. He could see the lake but they were far enough for nobody to notice them if they stayed silent. Victor felt comfortable.

“Okay, we’re good,” Victor sighed. He met Yuuri’s gaze and although they held suspicion, he still asked, “Can I have my kiss?”

Victor leaned forward and waited for Yuuri to too. He stayed back with his arms crossed and his foot tapping against the ground. “Victor,” He began. Victor straightened his back. “Tell me why you were so quick to drag me into the forest and then I _might_ consider it.”

Victor didn’t want to waste a moment. He had to tell Yuuri sooner than later and he guessed now was the best time. He couldn’t find the right place to begin. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and let his mind just talk.

“I have a group of ghost hunters who have been trying to find me for a few years now and they recently got a medium who sensed me. She found my name and also found that I have been talking to somebody and now they may or may not want to try and find you so they can ask you about me.” Victor took a deep breath. It was a mouthful to say. He then smiled. “Can I have my kiss now?”

Yuuri didn’t react for a moment or two. He held a wide-eyed stare and his brows raised high. He then inhaled a breath and pressed his palms to his forehead then weaved his fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes then exhaled a breath.

“What do you mean I have ghost hunters trying to find me?”

Yuuri wasn’t taking it as well as Victor hoped. He stepped forward and cupped Yuuri’s cheeks. Yuuri didn’t move as he allowed Victor to lean forward and press a soft kiss to Yuuri’s lips. When Yuuri relaxed into the kiss, he pulled back and met Yuuri’s eyes.

“Do you feel better now?” Victor’s thumb stroked Yuuri’s cheek. His skin was so soft and warm to touch.

“Better? Yes.” He paused. “But am I okay? Not really.”

“I understand it’s rather shocking,” Victor said as his hands fell to Yuuri’s arms. He could feel Yuuri’s hands around his waist. “I don’t really know how to react myself.”

“How did they even find out?” Yuuri asked. “A medium can’t work that out, can they?”

“She somehow did,” Victor said. “I wouldn’t be too worried. They come here most years and it goes by with no bother, but…”

“They’re not going to try and make you go away, will they?” Yuuri asked and Victor was quick to shake his head. “Then what is it?”

“One of them is rather obsessed with finding me,” Victor said. Yuuri’s expression fell. “He seems to want to stop at nothing to try and prove I exist. He wants evidence and he thinks you’ll give it to him. I don’t want him finding you, Yuuri. I don’t want him to get you involved and make things tense between us.”

Yuuri blinked once. His brows hung low. “Why would it go tense?”

Victor didn’t know how to explain that either. While it made sense in his head, speaking the words out loud felt wrong. He felt like he was overthinking but at the same time, he was thinking rationally too. He wanted to tell Yuuri regardless and as he had to take a deep breath to calm his rapid heart.

“What if you can’t handle the constant hiding?” He bowed his head, unable to meet Yuuri’s stare. “He could be following you and all you had to do to avoid him was to… not come here anymore. I’m stuck here. I can’t leave this place with you or move around freely. What if one day you realize it’s easier to not be with me? I want to be the best lover to you but I fear I can’t be the lover you deserve.”

There was a nerve-wracking silence. Victor kept his eyes to the ground and his heart on edge. His eyes caught Yuuri’s hand reach for his own, lacing his cold fingers between Victor’s. Yuuri gripped tight, pressing their palms together and Victor finally looked up.

“Victor,” Yuuri spoke lowly. Victor held his stare. “I want this to work. Those ghost hunters are not going to scare me away. They’re not going to take away anything from us because I won’t let them. And you shouldn’t either. Do you understand?”

“I like our privacy,” Victor said. “I feel like it’s being intruded.”

“We’re always being intruded, Victor. You don’t notice it.” Victor raised a brow in question. “You don’t notice the way people look at me when I’m with you. It’s not because we’re doing anything strange. They see me talking to nobody. They see me kissing the air and holding hands with nobody. But I don’t care.”

Victor thought back to the times they were together. He never noticed anyone looking at them but he assumed he was so used to not being seen that he stopped noticing when somebody did look his way. Yuuri was very used to being seen. He would notice the looks and stares. And Victor felt his heart swell at the thought.

“You really don’t care about the looks?”

Yuuri shook his head. “They don’t get to see what I can see,” He said just above a whisper. Victor stepped closer and let a smile play on his lips.

“Let’s keep it that way,” Victor replied before capturing Yuuri’s lips between his own.

Victor had never craved for a warmth like he had the heat of Yuuri’s lips. They were soft and sweet and easy to get himself lost in. Their kisses blurred together until their lips opened and their tongues met. Victor could say many things about his season, the cold, and the icy bite of the winter breeze. But none of that compared to the warmth of Yuuri’s lips – the touch of his body.

Yuuri pulled back for a breath as their foreheads gently touched. His breath was shaky as he whispered, “Even if they did find us, they wouldn’t drive me away from you.”

Victor’s lips stretched into a smile. “I fell for you too quick to lose you so soon.” He leaned forward to kiss Yuuri – soft and passionate. “And I won’t lose you.”

Yuuri shook his head and smiled. “No. Never.”

And suddenly, January ended.

In the months of February, Victor could feel his season slipping further away from him. However, unlike past years, he didn’t notice it as much. The warmth of spring didn’t bother him. The lack of frosty mornings went unnoticed. Victor had never been so unaware of the end of his season before. And yet, he didn’t mind.

Victor learned a few new things about love and trust that he never knew before.

He had every right to trust Mila. The ghost hunters continued their regular appearance at his lake, installing cameras and staying overnight just to catch a glimpse of him. Mila couldn’t stop them from wanting to search for him, but she was able to divert them away.  The wind even offered some help too. It would attempt to knock over their equipment or bring rain to discourage them from staying long.

(Victor noticed that even Mother Earth was trying to keep him unnoticed. And yet, Mother Earth was pleased to show Victor to Yuuri. Victor thought a lot about that but he never questioned it too much. He didn’t want to.)

Victor watched Mila do a few readings. She continued to stay true to her word. She made up a story that Victor had died during a snowstorm that killed him and his village. She claimed his body had never been discovered which was why he haunted the lake. Victor enjoyed the story she told. She even lied about his looks. She told them that he did have long silver hair that thinned out during the storm, that his eyes were actually green and that he was very shy.

Victor was right to give Mila his trust. She stayed true to every word.

And while Victor found trust in Mila, he found a deeper connection with his Yuuri.

Yuuri was his daily dose of happiness. He was Victor’s favorite part of the day. And while the weather began to warm, Yuuri’s made more of an appearance.

He would arrive three times a day. He would jog in the morning and stay for an hour or two. He’d take Vicchan for a walk at midday. They would relax, talk, and sometimes play with Vicchan or draw together. And now Yuuri would arrive sometime before sunset, wrapped in more layers to keep himself warm.

Their relationship developed. Victor couldn’t do anything to contribute to their relationship but sometimes he would pick Yuuri some flowers or draw him something he was proud of. He liked to give Yuuri things. He gave his time, his love, and everything he could give Yuuri – which wasn’t a lot, but he tried.

Yuuri tried to make their relationship be as normal as it could. Victor couldn’t leave his lake so dates were usually the same. But he tried. He would bring a blanket on some days so they could huddle under it in the depths of his forest, far away from everything. Yuuri would sometimes bring food. Victor couldn’t eat it, but he enjoyed hearing Yuuri describe the taste. He had forgotten what food tasted like. And on days where the world was wet and they couldn’t sit anywhere dry, Yuuri would bring his umbrella and they would adventure through the forest.

Victor loved how much Yuuri was trying. And while they were together in ways that was more than friendship, they became much more intimate.

Their touches and kisses made him feel alive. It made him feel important to someone, loved, and cherished in ways he never felt before. He loved to pull Yuuri in for a kiss – to hug him and feel him being so close. Their kisses were obsessive and their touches were intoxicating. While they loved the touches, they tried hard not to push it too far. Yuuri would pull back when they do because he couldn’t walk home in the state he was.

It was fun. It was exciting. And as much as Victor wished to move on to new heights and be with Yuuri more often, he couldn’t. Yuuri had a life beyond the lake. Yuuri had a home, a family, friends, and a career that seemed quiet but Victor didn’t doubt he could get back on his feet soon. He wanted the best for Yuuri.

But with his season ending, he worried for the months that he would be away.

Victor had to make it clear that he would be leaving soon. He wanted Yuuri to be prepared for reality and understand that he would be gone for a while. Yuuri already knew but Victor needed to be certain Yuuri was prepared. He wanted to show Yuuri where he sleeps. While Victor’s wait for only be in seconds, Yuuri’s would be months, and he wanted Yuuri to be aware of that. He knew he would feel the same when he wakes up and he hoped Yuuri would feel the same too.

A lot can happen in nine months but Victor was confident that Yuuri would be okay.

 

_I’ll watch over him while you’re gone. He will be safe._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things:  
> \- Sorry for taking longer than usual to get this chapter up. I know I usually get chapters up quick but I have a busy week ahead of me. I also wanted to spend longer on the chapter, which brings me onto my next point.  
> \- I feel like my writing isn't improving and while it isn't, I'm not happy with it. I love writing so much and getting comments makes my day! But I'm a person that goes through stages of liking a story and how I wrote it, then I'll compare it to other stories and I'll begin hating it. That's something I'm trying to see past and while that's a personal problem that I have to face, there's always room for improvement - but I will not stop writing. That won't help me.  
> \- My Mermaid AU is a definite! I have quite a lot of it planned and I'm so excited to share it with everyone soon! I also have a surprise story that was supposed to be an epilogue for another but ended up becoming multi-chaptered coming out soon... I hope to see you there!
> 
> There was a reason why I mentioned my writing. It was mostly to explain why the past few chapters might have felt a little... underwhelming. But that's just me.  
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and don't mind my rambling! Thank you for reading!! <3


	9. Chapter 9

 

_When Victor was nineteen, he met someone._

_They lived in the village close by Victor’s. He never traveled there before but one day, he decided he wanted a change of scenery. It was a nice escape away from the talk in his village – from the glares and insults he’d receive daily from the local villagers. Nobody knew him there._

_Victor didn’t remember when they started talking. He vaguely remembered their first kiss. He remembered very well when they became everything at once – sexual and serious, best friends and lovers. It was refreshing to be with someone who didn’t look at him and think he was strange. They didn’t question him. They didn’t glare at him or accuse him of things he hadn’t done._

_Victor felt normal._

_When he was twenty, his heart was broken._

_He didn’t know exactly when it started but they suddenly became distant. Victor would travel to their village and he’d hear some excuse that they’d come up with, then Victor would walk back home and try again the next day. It continued for two weeks. Eventually, Victor had enough. He got angry and demanded answers. They never gave him one._

_It wasn’t until Victor overheard someone in his village talking about them that he learned the truth. And everything came into place. He realized why they distanced themselves – why they didn’t want to be seen with Victor anymore and why they suddenly turned cold towards him._

_They were distancing themselves from Victor because of who he was._

_Victor had so much to say to them. He wanted to argue – to yell at them, scream, and ask why they saw him so differently. But they sat there and let Victor yell with fear in their eyes. They were scared of him and Victor didn’t hesitate to end their relationship._

_It hurt but he couldn’t be with someone that was embarrassed to be seen with him or afraid to be around him._

_It was during Victor’s walk home where he wept that he decided he could only find strength on his own. He didn’t mind if he had to be alone. At least nobody could hurt him. People were cruel and unkind. He was better off being alone._

 

* * *

 

The closer March came, the more Victor noticed.

There was the distinct hint of spring slowly coming forth. The world came back to life as it washed in like a tide. On some days, the warmth of the sun’s rays surprised him, bathing his lake in an uncomfortable heat. On others, his wintry winds would demand a return of the bitter cold that Victor loved so much.

Spring was on its way. It melted the white blanket of winter and covered the landscape in vibrant hues of spring flowers and lush green grass. The last remnants of Victor’s season nearly vanished entirely. The only remaining sign of his season was the occasional icy mornings and the odd snowfall that never settled. Victor had attempted to make those mornings show more often but spring was demanding and strong.

Spring was close by and Victor had to leave soon.

He was never ignorant to his sleep. Even now he had somebody to leave behind, he didn’t pretend that it wasn’t coming. He knew he would have to leave Yuuri for most of the year. There was nothing he could do about that. He couldn’t stay any longer or exist when Spring did. He would sleep and Spring would awake, ready to take Victor’s place elsewhere in the World and care for their season. It was just how it is.

That didn’t mean Victor didn’t like that his sleep was coming.

He wanted to show Yuuri his clearing. He mentioned to Yuuri before that he was leaving and while Yuuri said he was ready, Victor wanted him to know how real it was. He needed Yuuri to be prepared for his absence. He wanted to make Yuuri’s wait as easy as possible. And when there was a week left of winter, he came to the decision to show Yuuri that day.

He guided a curious Yuuri far into his forest. It was the furthest corner he could reach, hidden in its depths. He knew the pathway like the back of his hand. He followed the same route every year without fail.

Yuuri had never been that far into the forest before. Even when adventuring with Victor, they never strayed far from the lake. Yuuri asked where they were going and what Victor wanted to show him, but he never said a word. He wanted to stay silent until they arrived.

It felt strange returning so soon and with somebody by his side. It felt less lonely.

The clearing was no different to every other year. It was almost like it never changed, only the season and the environment did. He watched Yuuri when they came to a stop. Their eyes met and Yuuri’s held question but he never asked. He scanned the area like he knew why they were there and what it meant. Victor suspected Yuuri had an idea but a guess wasn’t enough.

“I wanted to show you this place,” Victor said as Yuuri walked forward. Beneath his feet, twigs snapped and leafs rustled. It was the first time he heard life move around his clearing. “It’s very important.”

Yuuri ran his hand over the rough bark. He then looked upwards to the sky. The blue ocean above was mostly hidden by the green leaves rustling in the wind. Yuuri stare fell to the ground. When his eyes met Victor’s, there was a sadness in them.

“You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?” Victor could say nothing but nod. Yuuri inhaled a deep, heavy breath. He held his stare. “It’s funny. I didn’t know where you were taking me but now we’re here, I… I think I know why you brought me here.”

“I needed to make sure you’re prepared for when I leave,” Victor said as he walked forward. He stopped when he came close to Yuuri. Their eyes never left each other. “This is where I go when I sleep. I will be gone for nine months, protected by the earth until the first day of winter. That’s when I’ll be back.”

“That’s why you took me here?” Yuuri’s voice sounded so quiet and vulnerable. Victor nodded. “Being here makes it feel too real.”

“It is real, Yuuri.”

“I know,” He replied. “But it’s been nice to pretend it isn’t.”

The sudden need to touch Yuuri was instant. He reached out and laced his fingers between Yuuri’s. His palm was warm against his cold fingers. Yuuri moved forward, coming close to Victor as his free hand gently brushed Victor’s fringe away from his eyes. Victor couldn’t look away. His wait was so much easier than Yuuri’s but it hurt just as much. It hurt knowing that he had to leave Yuuri for nine months. It tugged at his heart knowing he would be away from the one he felt strongly for. He couldn’t stand the minutes when they were apart and knowing Yuuri had to wait nine months for him, he couldn’t even imagine it.

“I don’t have long before I go,” Victor said. “I have seven days left to make every minute count. It feels so short.”

It was too short. He didn’t want three months with Yuuri. He wanted twelve. He wanted months, years, and centuries with Yuuri. It wasn’t fair but it was how it had to be. They could make it work – Victor didn’t doubt that – but it didn’t stop the heaviness in his chest.

“I don’t want to see you go but there’s nothing we can do, is there?” Victor shook his head and Yuuri’s eyes fell. Victor hadn’t wanted him to turn away. He needed to remember Yuuri’s eyes, his face, his features.

His hand cupped Yuuri’s cheek and gently raised his head. Yuuri’s eyes weren’t just brown – they were the color of the winter trees at twilight and the rich soil beneath their feet. They are warm and sweet like hot chocolate on a cold, winter night. They were gentle and warm and sparked a soft twinkle when he smiled.

Victor could say so much about Yuuri but if he did, he’d be talking until the day he rested and continue the moment he’d wake up.

“Draw for me when I leave,” Victor spoke. Yuuri’s brows raised with surprise. “I want to see your beautiful work when I come back. Never stop drawing, Yuuri.”

Yuuri’s lips stretched into a soft smile. “I will. I’ll draw for you.” Victor smiled back before Yuuri said, “I want to spend your final week with you.”

Victor was both for and against the idea. He was absolutely delighted that Yuuri wanted to spend his final week together, undisturbed, and with each other until the left. But he couldn’t take Yuuri away from anyone. He couldn’t ask that of Yuuri. He had no right. He shook his head.

“I don’t want you to ignore your life for me.”

“I’m not,” Yuuri replied. “It’ll be a vacation. I see my friends and my family all the time. I see you for three months but the time we spend being with each other probably doesn’t even make up a week. I want to spend your final week with you. I want to remember you when you go.”

“Don’t you forget about me.”

Yuuri shook his head. “Never.”

He leaned forward to kiss Victor – warm and passionate. They stood close with their hands laced together and their lips unable to part. It was almost desperate like Yuuri was trying to remember every inch of Victor. He pulled back for a breath and stared at Victor’s lips. Victor felt the soft touch of Yuuri’s fingertips stroking along his bottom lip. Victor parted his lips and breathed, “Yuuri…”

“Can I draw you?” The question was sudden and took Victor a few moments to process it. He went to speak but no words were spoken. He didn’t hesitate as he nodded. He was always honored to be Yuuri’s muse. It made him feel important and special.

But more than that, he realized it meant he was worth someone’s time. It meant Yuuri enjoyed his time around Victor. Victor felt loved and liked and his past would slip away from him as in that one moment, he could exist next to the person who cared for him more than anyone had in his life.

They moved back to the lake and sat on Yuuri’s bench to draw all morning. Yuuri never left until his stomach growled in protest and he became desperate for food. It was then that he decided he should head back but promised he would return with camping equipment so he could stay for the week. Victor still didn’t like that Yuuri was doing it but he also loved it at the same time. He stayed quiet.

He sat back and relaxed as he waited for Yuuri to come back. The ghost hunters hadn’t made their appearance that day. Victor was relieved. He hoped that they didn’t arrive at all during his and Yuuri’s week together. He would like a week just the two of them alone.

Victor caught Yakov and his dog walking through the gate and he perked up. He had wanted to speak to the man before he left. He needed to say goodbye just in case he didn’t see the man any other days. He walked quickly around the lake. When he reached Yakov, the man had already set up and had his fishing line in the water.

Victor sat down beside Makkachin and made himself comfortable. He didn’t need to ask for permission anymore. He knew he was welcome to talk to the man. Victor sat down and the man glanced up for a second before turning back to his fishing, not saying a word. Victor wondered why he was so silent.

“I see you and that boy made things work,” Yakov eventually spoke and Victor couldn’t stop his smile from growing. In a weak attempt to distract himself, he made a fuss of Makkachin. It did nothing to stop his grinning.

“We made it work,” Victor replied. The companion rolled to her side and onto her back, asking for a belly rub instead. “Although, we’re faced with a new situation.”

“I’m going to assume it’s those ghost hunters that have been wreaking havoc around here.”

Victor was surprised he caught on so quick. He nodded and Yakov huffed with frustration. Victor was pleased he wasn’t the only one annoyed by their antics. He had to ask, “How did you know it was them?”

“I had one ask me about you.” Victor’s heart jumped to his throat and pounded hard in his ears. He held his breath and his fist clenched so hard his hand was trembling. “He asked me if I’ve ever seen a ghost here before as I often visit this lake. I didn’t tell him I’ve seen you.”

“Thank you,” Victor sighed.

“Do you stay hidden?”

“As well as I can,” Victor answered. He couldn’t really call hiding behind a tree that was barely thicker than him ‘hiding’ but it was an attempt. “That one is very dedicated in trying to find me.”

“It’s that Popovich guy, yes?” Victor assumed he was talking about Georgi. He nodded and hoped his assumption was right. Yakov sighed hard. “After it happened, I looked on their website. It seems their website is like this daily diary for them. Or shall I say just that guy.”

“What does it say?” Victor asked.

“They’re claiming that somebody who visits the park knows of your existence and they speak to you often.” Victor nodded. That was true and he already knew that. “He wants to find him. He seems to think that he’ll get all his answers but he won’t. That boy you talk who wouldn’t tell him, would he?”

“No,” Victor shook his head. “Yuuri wouldn’t sell me out like that.”

“You do realize that one day, they’ll figure it out?” Victor didn’t want to think of that. He focused his attention on Makkachin instead, fussing her stomach and smiling at her pure happiness. “How often does he visit this lake?”

Victor didn’t want to answer but he couldn’t ignore the question. He dropped his gaze and muttered, “Three times a day.”

“They’ll piece it together,” Yakov said. “Unless they’re as stupid as they look, they’ll figure out he’s the only one who often visits here.”

Victor didn’t want to admit that Yakov was right. They would eventually figure out it’s Yuuri. They would bother him until they got what they wanted. And then Victor didn’t know what could happen. He didn’t know what they’d do when they discover he existed.

It wasn’t that Victor didn’t want them to know he existed. He didn’t mind it when people saw him. He didn’t want them digging too deep into his life. He didn’t want them finding out his past, figuring out he was a winter spirit, or chasing him like an animal. His past was for him to speak of. His existence was for him to tell. It was nobody else’s business – only those who he cared about.

Yuuri was the only person who knew who Victor was and Victor planned to keep it that way.

“He’s staying with me this week,” Victor said. “It’s my last week.”

“Then you better hope they don’t turn up.” Victor was already hoping and praying that they wouldn’t turn up that week. If they did, he could ask Mila to keep them away but he didn’t want to keep asking her favors. “If it makes you feel any better, nobody really believes him.”

Victor looked at Yakov and raised a brow. “They don’t?”

He shook his head. “He’s claimed so many places are haunted but none of them had ever been proven.” Relief washed over Victor. He hoped nobody would believe him now. “He’s more seen as a laughing stock than a serious paranormal investigator – as he calls himself.”

Victor wanted to laugh but memories flashed through his mind. He couldn’t help but see Georgi being somebody in a similar position Victor was once in – an outcast because he was different. Victor suddenly became annoyed at himself for pitying Georgi. He was still looking for Yuuri. He was still going to search high and low for him.

Victor sighed heavily. “They want to find my Yuuri.”

Yakov looked at him and paused for a moment, thinking. “Perhaps there is something I can do to help?”

Victor stared at Yakov. He was surprised by how often people offered to help him. He appreciated it but there was only ever so much they could do. “I don’t know how you can do that.”

“Well, tell me what you want and I’ll see what I can do.”

Victor thought about it. There were many things he wanted; like the ghost hunters to stop bothering him. He wanted to leave the lake and be able to adventure into a world that had changed so much. He also wanted his past to have gone a little differently. But out of everything, there was only one thing that Victor desperately wanted.

“I want to have some alone time with Yuuri,” He paused, thinking about what he wanted before nodding a confirmation to himself. “Yeah. I want me and Yuuri to be able to spend time with each other somewhere we can be alone at. Somewhere where Yuuri can stay if he wants or where he can be warm when it’s cold.”

“It sounds as if you want a home?” Yakov suggested.

Victor took a moment to think about it. He then nodded. “Yes, that’s what I want.”

“There’s an old shack nearby,” Yakov began. “If he helps me, I will be happy to help rebuild it and give you both a place to stay.”

Victor blinked. It took him a second or two for it to click. “Wait, what?” He asked. He couldn’t have heard Yakov right. “You’re… going to help Yuuri get a home?”

“I know what it was once like to be young and in love,” He said. Victor wondered if Yakov was still in love. “Perhaps I can offer him a place here so you can see each other when you like.”

“You mean… he’ll have a home here?” He had to ask and as Yakov nodded, Victor couldn’t stop smiling. It was hurting his cheeks but he was so happy. “That shack… it’s close to the lake, isn’t it?”

Yakov pointed to their left. “It’s far that way. A half hour walk from here. You’ll come by a little stream and it’s just on the other side.”

Victor tried hard to think about the shack. He was certain he had seen it before but had forgotten it was even there. His mind then clicked. He remembered the stream. He remembered the old, worn down shack that needed major repairs. There was a home there for him. There was a place where he and Yuuri could be together.

He gave a frantic nod. “Yes, yes that would – would be fantastic. I – thank you. Thank you so much.” He couldn’t put it into words how thankful he was of Yakov. The man gave a small smile and Victor returned a large one. He needed to pull himself together and took a long, deep breath. It calmed the flutter of excitement in his stomach and eased the smile on his face.

They sat in silence after that, neither knowing what to say but it was relaxing. Victor gave Makkachin fusses and love while Yakov silently fished. Victor then saw Yuuri walk through the gate with a large backpack on his back and eyes searching the lake for him. Victor’s smile returned. He said a last thank you and a goodbye to Yakov before quickly making his way over to Yuuri.

He couldn’t believe how kind people were to him. That kindness was something he never saw as a child. And now, it turned those past memories into an unwanted blur. It was a smudge in his mind. He couldn’t wipe it away but he learned to ignore and forget about it.

He was too excited to tell Yuuri the plans that Yuuri didn’t get the chance to say hello before Victor was rambling about Yakov’s idea and if Yuuri was willing to do it. Yuuri was excited too. He was happy to help rebuild the shack, even if his handiness skill wasn’t that great. He was happy because it would also keep him busy while he waited for Victor to come back.

They began they walk through the forest, venturing deep into the seemingly endless woods. Victor was going to take him as far as he could go. That way if the ghost hunters did come to his lake, there was a chance they could avoid them.

Yuuri was rambling. He was going on and on about how excited he was for the home and Victor was happy. He was so pleased Yuuri was excited and ready.

“This is great!” He said with pure joy in his voice. Victor couldn’t tear his eyes away from Yuuri. His eyes sparked a soft twinkle as his smile reached his eyes. “I’ve been looking for a quiet place to live for months. This can help me with my art. And we can spend more time together! I can spend some days here and some days with my family. It’s probably cheaper than buying a house too!”

“I’m so pleased you’re excited,” Victor smiled.

“I am,” Yuuri nodded. “I’m very excited. Are you?”

“Extremely.”

When the wind picked up and pushed Victor back, telling him he could go no further, he declared that they should set up camp where they stood.

He tried helping Yuuri put up the tent but when it was finally put up, it looked somewhat untidy. It dipped to one side and would give if a strong gust of wind blew across it. Victor could see Yuuri wasn’t pleased but they tried their best. They went back and tried to fix their problem, only to create yet another problem.

In the end, they used multiple ropes and pegs to keep it upright, tying the rope around trees and hoped no bad weather would hit their way. Victor could feel rain coming in a few days but the weather was mostly cold and dry.

When everything was set up and Yuuri’s things were safely inside his tent, Yuuri crawled inside first. Victor followed behind, zipping the entrance shut behind him and laid down beside Yuuri. He stared up at the green glow that surrounded them. The tent hid away the sunlight but didn’t put them into darkness. There was a peculiar smell but it was warm and cozy.

His head rested on the soft pillow. It had been so long since he last slept in a bed. The sleeping bag Yuuri brought was soft under his fingertips. The pillow was cozy and cushioned his head nicely. And beside him laid Yuuri. Their hands laced and they stayed close, pressed up against one another as they said nothing but breathed.

It was a new experience for Victor and while not much happened, Victor would remember that moment for a long time.

They didn’t have much else to do either. After a while, their comfortable silence began to grow tiresome and they found themselves talking until night fell and darkness surrounded them. They talked about things they’ve already spoken about and new things neither ever mentioned before. Yuuri told him stories. Victor told Yuuri things he had seen in his lake, strange weather phenomena that fascinated him and made him love his season even more.

Yuuri was interested in every word Victor spoke. He could tell. His eyes stayed focused and he asked questions. He tried to find an interest in the subjects what Victor liked – mostly his season, but other things too. Victor wanted to pull Yuuri close and keep him there. Nobody had ever tried to be interested in Victor.

When Yuuri began to shiver from the cold, Victor moved his hand around his middle and pulled him close. Yuuri molded into him as his arms went around Victor and he pressed his head into the crook of Victor’s neck. Yuuri was warm and cozy.

“I never realized how cold you actually are,” Yuuri murmured against Victor’s neck. His warm breath tickled Victor’s skin. “Is that because you’re a ghost or because you’re a winter spirit?”

“I’m a spirit, not a ghost,” Victor corrected before thinking about Yuuri’s question. He never thought about it. He wasn’t aware that he was cold. “I guess both? I’ve never thought about it.” His mind then clicked. Yuuri was cold and Victor had pulled him into a cold embrace. He shouldn’t have done that.

He tried to pull back but Yuuri raised his head and held on tight. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“I didn’t realize I was cold,” Victor said. “I don’t want to make you colder.”

Yuuri didn’t say anything as he leaned forward and kissed Victor softly. Their foreheads pressed and Yuuri hummed before saying, “You’re not making me colder. You just feel cold. I like being so close to you.”

It was a relief Yuuri felt that and Victor didn’t hesitate as he pulled Yuuri close. When the sun dipped into the horizon and darkness fell through their tent, Victor counted the days, hours, and minutes he had until he needed to leave.

He had six days left.

 

_Your sleep is long but he will wait. Winter will return soon._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments in the last chapter. You really made me feel so much better. Words cannot express how much I appreciate it. Thank you <3<3<3


	10. Chapter 10

_Victor was twenty-one when he left home._

_He had many reasons to leave but one made him need to get out as soon as possible._

_He was walking back from the lake when a blizzard hit. It startled him at first. He didn’t understand why it didn’t wait for him to get home. But the winter and wind always gave him signs. It always tried to tell Victor something somehow. The blizzard was a sign._

_The blizzard that hit was strong. Its gust of winds nearly knocked him off his feet. His eyes stung from the force of the snow hitting his face and the icy bite of the cold air nipped every inch of his skin. He couldn’t move or get to shelter. He was helpless, lost, and alone. He was quick to realize he was a dead man walking. That was going to be how he died – surrounded by the only thing that ever loved him._

_But the longer he stayed out in the blizzard, the sooner he realized that he was going to survive it. The blizzard had hit for a reason. It did more than just show Victor the extent of his unknown connection with the season. It showed him that he held something special with his season. He held something that if anyone in his village were to discover, he couldn’t say with confidence that they wouldn’t try something to end his strange connection._

_When the blizzard slowed, Victor made it back home with icicles hanging from his hair, ice frozen on his clothes, and his skin frostbitten. And yet, he felt fine. He walked in with ease as if the blizzard never happened. He found himself smiling because he felt he had protection. He could survive something like that but nobody in his village could. It could keep him safe. It was his bodyguard._

_The moment his mother laid eyes on him, he knew in seconds that he needed to leave._

_He had suspected that one day, his mother would learn how different Victor was. She was going to find out somehow and Victor couldn’t say with confidence that she wasn’t going to hurt him because of it. Her disgusted stares and her scowl never faded over the years. They remained harsh on her face. He could see the day where she would decide not to have a son anymore – where he would be more of an inconvenience and decide it was best for him to be gone. He knew she would get rid of him one day._

_Victor wanted to be the one to make that choice. When he tore his eyes away from her red glare, he hid away in his bedroom until the dead of night. He packed away his belongings. He didn’t have much. He only had the clothes he wore and his ice skates he kept hidden. He then decided that a fresh start wasn’t fresh if he didn’t change something. He cut his hair short and as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he knew he was making the right choice._

_He left the house before she could even ask questions – at early dawn before she woke up. He wasn’t going to let her know where he was going to go or why he decided to leave. That wasn’t for her to know. This was his secret. This was his safety – the last inch of freedom he had left._

_He needed a new start. He needed an escape and this was his last chance. He was better off by himself. He was safer._

_This was his escape and he was never coming back._

* * *

 

The first few days, they did nothing.

They found solitude in the peace and the silence. It had them lie with each other until the late evening in the comfort of each other’s arms. They had time alone and they had privacy. It was something they struggled to find when they were at the lake. They could huddle close to one another inside the tent, hidden away from the world as they talk about everything and more.

In their pastime, Yuuri would draw what was on his mind. It was sometimes people Victor had never seen before. They sometimes shared a resemblance with Yuuri. Sometimes it was a scribble that never got finished. It remained a messy blur that was once going to be something. Victor noticed that Yuuri had a lot of people on his mind. And often, Yuuri had Victor in his mind.

Yuuri would draw Victor from both perspective and memory. Yuuri could never look up once when he draws Victor and still get his features exactly right. While he could draw Victor from memory, he often drew him from sight. He would draw Victor no matter what Victor was doing. He could be lying down or sitting outside, gazing around his surroundings and Yuuri would find a reason to draw him.

Victor would join him too sometimes. Yuuri helped him learn more techniques. He felt he was getting better. He wasn’t as good as Yuuri – nowhere _near_ as good – but he was getting better. He wasn’t as dedicated to art as Yuuri is but he enjoyed it. It was a fun pastime.

Yuuri showed him more than how to draw. He showed Victor what was on Yuuri’s phone and what the internet was. It was the most mindboggling thing Victor had ever seen. It was a world of information at his fingertips. It was an entire library in a small device and Victor couldn’t comprehend the unfathomable size of the internet. The world had changed so much since he was last alive. He wished he didn’t have to miss it.

Victor wanted to learn more about it but when Yuuri’s phone died, Yuuri then realized that he had nothing to charge it with. Neither really minded. They didn’t want to find themselves on Yuuri’s phone for most of their time together.

It wasn’t until their third day that they finally left the tent for longer than five minutes. Yuuri needed to get up and stretch his legs. Victor needed to get out for some fresh air. Hiding away from the world was nice but the tent began to feel cramped and claustrophobic.

Again, they didn’t do much when they sat outside. It was very similar to most days back at the lake. They sat close beside each other as they took in the peace and breathed in the crisp air. Victor never used to like not doing a lot. It was long and painful having to wait for each day go slowly tick by. But as he was sat there with Yuuri and neither had anything to say or do, Victor enjoyed doing nothing. He enjoyed being with Yuuri and he hoped Yuuri felt the same.       

They were forced to stay inside the tent on their fourth day. There was a sudden rainfall that didn’t leave all day, no matter how hard Victor tried to ease the weather and move it someplace else. The rain hit against the roof and sides as droplets of water ran down the tent. The gusting wind rippled against the tent, straining the ropes and pegs as it blew wildly around them.

Although the rain was cold and wet, neither found any annoyance in it. It pushed them back into the warmth and comfort of Yuuri’s sleeping bag, cuddled close as they talked more about themselves.

“There’s still a lot that I’m curious about,” Yuuri’s breath tickled Victor’s lip. He moved his head back so their eyes met and he let Yuuri continue. “When you go… does another spirit haunt this lake?”

“No. I only haunt here because I died here.” Yuuri’s grip on his shirt suddenly tightened and Victor caught it. He noticed whenever he mentioned his death Yuuri would tense. Yuuri may not mention anything but Victor could tell. “The other spirits haunt the places they died too. I’ve never met them and I doubt I ever will. I don’t know where they died and I can’t live through their seasons, so we’ll never meet.”

Yuuri nodded his head as he took in the new information. His face suddenly dropped as he asked, “So when you’re gone and I visit here, nobody would be here?”

“Only the people who visit the lake.” Yuuri breathed in a deep breath and Victor said, “Once I’m gone, the lake will be silent.

Yuuri went silent as his gaze fell. Victor raised his hand to lace through Yuuri’s hair to comfort him but he paused when Yuuri’s eyes suddenly met his and he asked, “How do you know when it’s time to leave?” Victor’s hand dropped. “Does somebody tell you or is it something that you just know?”

Victor was pleased that Yuuri was asking questions. He had feared Yuuri wasn’t going to face his departure head on and avoid it as much as possible. He didn’t want Yuuri to do that but it seemed he was trying to accept it. Victor had to smile as he said, “The wind tells me.”

Yuuri’s brows dropped. “The wind?” He asked and Victor nodded. A sudden howl of wind whistled above them and Yuuri wide-eyes glanced around their tent. He looked just as confused as before and looked back at Victor to ask, “Does the wind… talk to you or something?”

Victor chuckled and shook his head. “No. The wind doesn’t talk to me,” He said. “The wind guides me. The wind points me to the right direction and lets me know what is the right and wrong thing to do.”

Yuuri still held the confused stare. “So, the wind is like earth talking to you?”

“In a way, yes,” Victor nodded. “You see, every season has its differences. Spring has rainfalls and warmer days. Summer has heatwaves and clear skies. Fall has colder days and changes. And I have snow days and frozen nights. But there is one thing that every season has.”

“Is it the sun?” Yuuri asked.

Victor bit back a light laugh as he shook his head. “It’s something on earth, Yuuri. It’s something you were just asking about.”

It then clicked in Yuuri’s mind. “The wind.”

“Yes,” Victor nodded. “The wind is in every season. No matter how hot or cold, wet or dry it is, the wind will always be somewhere around us.”

Yuuri smiled warmly. “That feels kind of comforting,” He said. Victor could agree. The wind always felt comforting to him. “The wind is like a parent. It’ll always guide you and watch over you.”

“It looked after me in my youth,” He said and in an instant, memories flashed through his mind. A sudden feeling of dread and sorrow washed through him. “It had always been there because nobody else was.”

It was there more than anyone else had been. His mother never cared for him, his father was absent, and any potential friends always left – just like his first lover did too. The wind had been there through it all. The wind was there for him when he left home. It was there for him the day he died – cold and alone and with nobody to help.

“You’ve had this since you were alive?” Yuuri’s voice snapped Victor out of his mind. He blinked rapidly and it took a moment before he processed what Yuuri had said. He nodded.

“Yes,” He said. “I was born with this.”

“To control the weather?”

Victor sighed and shook his head. He was certain he had already gone through this with Yuuri. “No, I don’t control it. I’m like a coach. I don’t have any magical winter powers or abilities. I was just born to… understand it, really.”

Victor had always understood it. For as long as he could remember, he knew it was more than him than just liking the season. He had a connection with it. He had a deep bond with the winter season that went beyond a love for it. He was the winter. He was the snowfalls and frozen ice – the cold bite of the wind and the gleaming ice against the morning sun.

Victor was a winter spirit. That was all he was and all he ever will be.

“You were human before you were a seasonal spirit,” Yuuri said but it wasn’t a question. It was neither a confident response either.

“Yes. I was born and I died.” A silence fell between the two. The patter of rain strengthened its force against the tent, hitting the material with loud punches that seemed to echo through their small space. “I died quite strangely if I must admit.”

Victor didn’t know where the words came from but as Yuuri’s brows dropped and concern flashed through his eyes, he wondered if he should have said anything at all. “Do you want to talk about it?” Yuuri asked.

Victor wanted to smile. He knew Yuuri would never pressure him to speak about something but just hearing Yuuri ask instead of demanding an explanation made him feel so light and warm. And while he wanted to smile, he couldn’t. The memories hurt. Victor still struggled to accept the truth of what happened.

If Victor were to tell anyone what happened to him, he would let Yuuri know. But he wasn’t going to tell Yuuri his horrible past days before he was due to leave. He would wait until he returns for another winter to even think about telling Yuuri.

“It was my own season that killed me in the end,” Victor spoke. There was a slight tremble in his voice. He cleared his throat to ease it. “But how I came to that situation was different.”

Yuuri’s eyes turned dark. His stare was like death as he asked, “Did somebody hurt you?”

Victor held his breath. He couldn’t answer that, no matter how hard he tried. He closed his eyes, sucked in a deep breath, and said, “I don’t want to talk about that, Yuuri.”

“Okay,” He heard Yuuri say.

There were suddenly arms around him and he was pulled into a warm chest. Victor blinked twice before his mind caught up and put together the scene. Yuuri had him in an embrace. His hand was laced through Victor’s hair as he stroked through the strands and his other gently rubbed his arm. His heartbeat was clear in Victor’s ear and Yuuri didn’t show any sign of letting go.

He took a deep breath as his arms circled around Yuuri. He sunk into his warmth and pulled tight. He closed his eyes and let himself feel the comfort and support. He was safe in Yuuri’s arms. His touch made the world around them melt away and come to a complete stop. There was no time, past, or fears in Yuuri’s embrace – only peace and love.

Victor didn’t want to leave.

On their sixth day together, they explored even deeper in their relationship. They hadn’t meant to have gone so far but in the haze of lust and knowing they had a place that was private, neither could stop their hands from exploring each other. Victor couldn’t stop his hands from slipping beneath Yuuri’s underwear and pressing themselves together in a lustful gasp. Yuuri couldn’t stop his hands from adventuring into Victor’s. They hugged each other close, their bodies against one another’s as they came to pleasure.

It had been a long time since Victor felt that kind of pleasure. It wasn’t since he was alive that he experienced that. He couldn’t help but wonder how experienced Yuuri was. Victor had been in a relationship before. He had done all that – and more. But any of Yuuri’s relationships were unknown and Victor wanted to keep it that way.

But still, they explored further and Victor couldn’t wait to discover more. He wanted to find what made Yuuri tick. He wanted Yuuri to find his own pleasures and what made Victor gasp and moan with desire.

They stayed close when they finished. Yuuri breathed heavily but caught his breath sooner than Victor could. Victor hadn’t felt that alive and awake in a long time. He felt powered and strong, that he could overcome any obstacles.

Yuuri’s touches lingered on Victor’s body and sent sparks across his skin. Yuuri reminded Victor of soft kisses and sleep, music and dance, stories and words. His lips left a lingering warmth that even now, Victor could feel as his fingertips stroked his own lip. Victor could experience the entire world and learn every language, sound, and song, but he would never find the right words to describe Yuuri.

Yuuri’s hands touched Victor’s face. His brows dropped as he stared Yuuri in the eye. He was too focused. His fingers caressed over Victor’s cheeks and through his hair. They ventured across the bridge of his nose and his bottom lip. He didn’t come close to stopping and Victor had to ask.

“Yuuri?” Yuuri’s eyes found his. “What are you doing?”

“I’m feeling you,” Yuuri replied as his fingertips trailed across his jawline and down his neck. It sent sparks across his skin that made Victor shiver. “You feel so real.”

Victor blinked. “I am real.”

“For a spirit,” Yuuri said as his hands rested behind Victor’s neck. His fingers played with the end of his hair. “You feel soft and alive. It’s like you’re… you’re alive but I’m the only one who can touch and feel you like this.”

“You are.” Yuuri was the only person who could touch him and not go through him. Yuuri was the only one who could see him without fail. He couldn’t before they spoke but after, Yuuri suddenly became very aware of Victor. “You’re the only one.”

He didn’t know why but he didn’t find the need to complain.

“Perhaps the world is letting us?” Yuuri suggested.

Victor smiled as the wind rippled the tent. “Perhaps.”

He had guessed long ago that Mother Earth was being kind to him. Mother Earth had always been kind. It had always cared for Victor. His guess was that it was giving him a break from the solitude and the silence. It was letting him experience and feel – to live the life he never had the chance to when he was alive.

Victor was forever thankful to Mother Earth. And he knew when the wind strengthened again, rippling across the tent, he knew Mother Earth had responded to his silent thank you.

“I think it’s nice,” Yuuri said as his forehead pressed against Victor’s. Their eyes closed. “I like that it’s giving you the chance to experience this life again. If it didn’t, I don’t think we could have done… _that_.”

Victor chuckled and nodded. “Yes. Let’s hope that one day, it’ll let me explore outside of the lake.”

Yuuri fell silent for a moment. The absence of his forehead against Victor’s had him open his eyes. He met Yuuri’s browns. “It’s because you died here that you can’t leave, isn’t it?” Victor nodded. Yuuri swallowed hard. “Your body is here?”

“Yes,” He nodded. Yuuri’s gaze fell and he chewed on his lip. Victor could see he didn’t like the idea but he wasn’t surprised. He didn’t either. “You get used to the idea after a while. It becomes this… numb thought.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“It was hard at first,” Victor said without thinking. He hardly remembered the first few years when he died. They were blurred memories. He recalled a few events but nothing he could be certain of. As he stared into Yuuri’s eyes, he saw someone he trusted. He knew Yuuri wouldn’t run away – not like his first lover did. Yuuri was to stay and Victor wanted him to know his story.

“I – I had a few years where I went insane,” He began. Yuuri held his understanding stare. “It was the silence, the loneliness, and the memories that all piled on top of me and I lost my mind. I don’t remember much of what happened but I remember not being here. Well, I _was_ here but I didn’t believe I was. I didn’t believe I had died but that I became this God instead. I knew I had this connection with my season but I believed I was in full control. And then there was the rage, the mania, the paranoia… It’s hard accepting your own death but knowing how you died and who did it…” He fell silent. He couldn’t continue.

“Somebody killed you, didn’t they?” Victor pressed his lips together and squeezed his eyes shut as he nodded. Yuuri’s arms pulled him close in an instant. Victor’s grip tightened. He never wanted to let go.

“I snapped out of it after a while,” Victor murmured against Yuuri’s chest. Yuuri’s hand then ran through Victor’s hair and it calmed his mind as he closed his eyes. “I woke up one winter and suddenly I was at peace with myself. I could think clearly and make better choices. It was as if those years where I went insane had just been a bad nightmare.”

“Did the earth help you?” Yuuri asked.

“I suspected that. It must have helped me during my sleep. I did go horribly chaotic during those years.” A sudden dread flushed through Victor. “I wouldn’t be surprised if I had killed people from my insanity. You don’t handle the cold well.”

“You couldn’t help it, Victor,” Yuuri said and Victor nodded.

“I know.” He was thankful that Yuuri knew that too. Victor had accepted long ago that it was completely out of his control. It wasn’t his fault, but the trauma and the situation that caused him to go insane was. It wasn’t his fault – and he repeated that until he truly believed it was true. “While I can’t say I feel fine about it, I feel like I can live with it.”

Yuuri pressed a light kiss to Victor’s forehead. “I’m proud of you for talking about it,” Yuuri said. Victor was too. “Thank you for trusting me and telling me.”

Victor raised his head and met Yuuri’s eyes. “I will always trust you,” He said and watched a small smile grow on Yuuri’s face. “But I do have to ask if you’ve ever told anyone about me.”

Victor knew he never said to Yuuri to not tell anyone but he couldn’t help but wonder. He wasn’t going to be angry at Yuuri. He trusted that Yuuri would tell people who he trusted too, but he had to ask. The thought hadn’t left his mind for a while now and he wanted to know before he left.

Yuuri moved back. His eyes widened as he stuttered, “I – I didn’t think you didn’t – I mean, you never said – I – Victor, I only told two people and they –”

“Yuuri, I’m not mad!” Victor said quickly to stop Yuuri’s rambling. He fell silent and Victor felt he could breathe and speak. “I’m not mad. I know you would tell people who you trust. I was just curious.” He then recalled what Yuuri had said during his rambling. “You told two people?”

Yuuri nodded. “The first was by accident and the second, they figured it out.”

Victor’s brows dropped. “Who is it?”

“I accidentally told Phichit.” Victor bit back a laugh. He thought it so Yuuri to accidentally tell his best friend about him. It made him want to laugh. “I was on the phone to him and I mentioned that I had talked to you and he asked who you were because I hadn’t spoken about you at that point. I didn’t say you were my lover but I said something that made Phichit ask if we were dating.”

“What did you say?” Victor asked.

“I panicked first and said yes.” Victor snorted a laugh. “Then I double panicked and denied it.”

“What was the outcome?”

“I felt bad for lying so I told him the truth.” Victor’s smile didn’t falter as Yuuri continued. “I told him how you were a spirit and we started to talk. I said how you really liked my drawings and that you saw the drawings I did of you… and how I had a crush on you for a long time.”

Victor’s cheeks warmed as he cooed, “Yuuri…”

Yuuri’s own cheeks blushed a deep pink. He cleared his throat, almost desperate to change the subject and distract Victor away from his blush. “The second was my sister, Mari.”

Victor didn’t know why but it surprised him. He knew Yuuri was rather close with his sister but he never expected her to find out before his parents did. He was curious how she found out “How did she find out?” Victor asked.

“She had seen a few drawings of you by accident. She never asked me about them but I knew she was slowly becoming suspicious of the person I was drawing a lot,” He said. “I also stopped showing her my drawings. I think that didn’t help either.”

“She took a guess?”

Yuuri nodded. “She asked if the boy I was drawing was anyone I was seeing and I don’t like to lie to my sister. I said yes but told her to keep it a secret. I don’t want my parents to find out just yet.”

Victor was again surprised. He thought he would tell his parents soon. It came across that Yuuri had a good relationship with his parents. “Are they not trustworthy?” Victor asked.

“They are. I just don’t know how to explain to them that you’re a spirit.” Victor nodded. It made sense. “As far as they all know, you’re alive.”

“Oh.” Victor didn’t know why he didn’t know what to say. He tried to find some words to say but his mind went blank. He cleared his throat. “I guess that’s not too bad. Perhaps one day you’ll be able to tell them, and I could meet them?”

Yuuri smiled widely. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

When their sixth day ended, their seventh went quicker than they had hoped.

Yuuri woke up in Victor’s arms. They didn’t move until later in the day when the sun rose high and Yuuri’s stomach demanded food. Victor had fully expected Yuuri to have drawn that day. He thought he would grab his sketchbook and get in a few more drawings before Victor had to leave. Instead, once he finished eating, he curled back up to Victor’s side with no intention of letting go.

It warmed Victor’s heart but it also hurt, too. He thought he was prepared for himself to leave but now the day had arrived, he realized he wasn’t as ready as he thought. He hadn’t long got with Yuuri. He hadn’t spent enough time with Yuuri for them to truly develop their relationship. They had just made a step forward. He feared him leaving would push them a step backward.

Victor was right when he said Yuuri wasn’t like everyone else. But there was a big wide world outside of Victor’s lake and anything could happen. Anyone or anything could take Yuuri away from him while he slept. He didn’t want to wake up alone. Not this year.

Yuuri was beginning to doze off when Victor shook his shoulder. He woke up quick. He sat up fast and his eyes blinked rapidly to wake himself up. He stared down at Victor as a sudden fear rushed through his eyes.

“Victor?” Yuuri’s voice slurred from his drowsiness. “It’s not time yet, is it?”

Victor exhaled as he shook his head. “No, Yuuri.” Yuuri sighed a relieved breath. Victor then paused. He had a reason for wanting Yuuri’s attention but now he had it, he didn’t know if his worry was enough for him to have bothered Yuuri.

Yuuri sat up straight. His brows hung low as he eyed Victor with concern. “Is everything okay?”

Victor didn’t know what to say or how to say it. He mutely shook his head. It was all he could do. He knew he should tell Yuuri his worries and fears but he also felt he was overreacting. He thought his worrying was pointless. He didn’t want to bother Yuuri with a fear on his last day. He knew he had no reason to feel it but he couldn’t help it.

Yuuri pulled him into an embrace and Victor didn’t hesitate to go into his arms. In that moment, he knew even without words that he wasn’t going to wake up alone. He knew he wasn’t going to lose the one person that meant something to him because he meant something to them – and as long as they stayed true to their feelings, Victor knew Yuuri would be there.

The day continued and Yuuri still hadn’t drawn a thing. Yuuri’s eyes were never focused on his sketchbook; they were focused on Victor instead. His eyes didn’t leave Victor’s but Victor didn’t mind. His own couldn’t leave Yuuri’s. Victor wondered maybe Yuuri wasn’t drawing with his hands, but with his eyes instead. That was what Victor was doing.

The sun was beginning to set. It cast a green glow that illuminated the tent and warmed the inside. Victor could feel the warmth of spring slowly making its way through. It pushed the cold aside, reminding Victor that he was closer to leaving. It was a horrible reminder, but it was going to come whether Victor liked it or not.

When Yuuri got up to stretch his legs, Victor had a sudden flush of tiredness. He felt drained and exhausted. His eyes were heavy and his mind was beginning to become hazy. He was trying to ignore it but the longer he waited, the more tired he became – the more drained he was. As the wind suddenly picked up and rippled over the tent, Victor couldn’t avoid it any longer. It was time.

“Yuuri,” Victor called when he stepped outside of the tent. The cool wind caressed his skin gently and moved the world around him. Yuuri turned and the moment his eyes fell on Victor, he knew too. “It’s time, Yuuri.”

The wind didn’t push him this year. It didn’t rush him to his clearing because it knew too that Victor wanted to spend as much time with Yuuri as he could. It knew rushing Victor wasn’t going to work. He was going to try and spend every final moment with Yuuri. He was going to give Yuuri a proper goodbye.

When Victor saw his clearing ahead, he stopped. Yuuri stood by his side. He silently laced his fingers between Victor’s and squeezed. As their eyes met, Victor took a deep breath. Now that they were here, it was even harder to leave. It was even harder to accept that he would be gone for nine months and Yuuri would be awake and breathing for that time. Yuuri’s wait was longer than Victor’s but it still hurt the same.

This was it.

“I’ll really miss you, Victor.” There was a slight tremble to Yuuri’s voice. Victor turned to face him. He wanted to gaze upon Yuuri’s beauty and remember his colors, his flaws, and everything that made Yuuri who he was.

Victor sucked in a deep breath. “I’ll miss you too, Yuuri.”

There was a silence that fell between them and neither knew what was the right move to make. Victor wanted to kiss Yuuri – to keep him close but he would never let go if he did so. He wanted to live on through the rest of the seasons and see the world beyond his lake. Even if he could never leave his lake, if he could just be alive throughout the year and see Yuuri every day of every season, he would be happy.

But it was wishful thinking. He knew as he stared into Yuuri’s eyes that he was feeling the same. He knew if he made any move, it would only make this harder.

Victor was reluctant to let go of Yuuri’s hand but he had to. He had to leave. There was no choice in the matter. He couldn’t stay no matter how much he wished he could. He tore his eyes away. He couldn’t do this. It hurt too much.

“I guess this is goodbye,” Victor spoke. His voice seemed too loud against the silence between them. He didn’t look up when Yuuri replied.

“I would say so too.”

He breathed in a deep breath and took a step back. He couldn’t look at Yuuri. If he did, he couldn’t be certain he would leave. He turned his back from Yuuri and stared ahead at his clearing. It was time. But Victor couldn’t help but notice how silent the wind was. It remained in the skies – far above him and away from the two. It was staying away. It was giving them privacy.

Victor sighed hard. He can’t leave like this. He couldn’t go without giving Yuuri a proper goodbye.

He turned and before he could make the move first, Yuuri had already pressed his lips against Victor’s. As they kissed, the world fell away. Nothing else mattered to Victor other than the touch of Yuuri’s soft and gentle lips. Victor needed to memorize every inch of Yuuri. He needed to remember the softness of his hair – the warm caress of his lips.

Victor touched him. He ran his hands over his waist – his fingertips venturing over his curves and his soft skin. His hands stroked over the curves of his waist and as his fingers slipped beneath Yuuri’s shirt and grazed his fingers down the dip of Yuuri’s back, he felt Yuuri shiver and his fingers tighten in Victor’s hair. The moment their mouths opened and Victor felt Yuuri’s hot breath against his lips, he pulled back.

Their breaths were deeps and their hands didn’t move. They remained in a close embrace, breathing heavily and filled with deep emotion. It was their goodbye. It was their final kiss until the end of the year when Victor will return once again.

For Victor, it was only moments, but those moments would still feel like a lifetime.

“I’ll see you here when I wake up, yes?” Victor asked, desperate to know that he wouldn’t wake up alone.

Yuuri smiled softly and nodded. “The first of December,” He said to confirm the date. “I’ll be here. I’ll wait for you.”

Victor couldn’t stop himself from kissing Yuuri one more time. The press of their lips was desperate and needy, but soft and gentle as it lingered longer than most. When they pulled back and the wind blew in between them, Victor let go of Yuuri and promised to himself that he would forever love Yuuri the same as he does now.

They said no more words. They didn’t touch or let their gaze linger any longer as they turned away. It was their goodbye until they next meet again.

Victor could easily say that it was the best season he had in years. Not because of the snowfalls or the constant stream of frozen mornings, but the chance for him to live the human life he never got to experience when he was alive. He had the chance to feel love from another living person and he was able to return that love with no fear or distrust.

For the first time, he felt alive.

As he sat by his tree and closed his eyes, he had a smile on his face. He was going to encourage a snowfall before he wakes up. He will let Yuuri know that he was coming back. It would be a sign Yuuri could never miss.

When sleep came, Victor smiled. He would see Yuuri again soon.

 

_He will be there when you wake up. Sleep soundly, my child._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've slowed down with updating but life has been so busy!
> 
> I will say that the next chapter will most likely not be updated until the beginning of November. I have a con I'm going to this weekend (The Saturday is my birthday too!) and I'm trying to get a chapter finished for something else I have planned... It'll be a surprise for some of you ;) Also, life, work, and everything will be in the way. I can't be certain for a regular update but I will try!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be a new winter and they'll be developing their relationship - and more!


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

_He didn’t know where he was going._

_He walked out of the place he called ‘home’ and adventured into the world beyond his village – further than he had planned but far away. He didn’t know where he was going and he didn’t care, either. He had his clothes and his skates; it was all he needed._

_He had the whole world he could explore. He could go to the coast and live by the ocean, or venture further north where it was colder and he could have his winters be a constant. Nobody could stop him from going where he wanted and yet, he still stayed by the lake._

_He lived there for a few days. He didn’t worry about the harsh snowfall that hit when he left. He knew he could survive the cold winter with little worry. He lived out there in peace, unafraid of freezing to death. He only ever left when he needed food. He visited a different village for food but he never stayed long._

_He did eventually explore further when boredom made his days go slow. He would sometimes adventure further than the nearby villages and beyond – further than he’d ever been before. He saw a world he never knew existed. He met new people and saw new things. But he never stayed long enough for them to learn his name. He would only pass by. He was there one day, gone the next._

_It didn’t matter how far Victor traveled. He would always return to his lake._

_A year went by and he no longer feared his mother coming to find him anymore. It had been so long. He hoped she assumed he was dead or long gone. It didn’t matter. He was never returning to her and she was never going to find him._

_He soon decided it was time to settle down. Traveling had its enjoyment but he needed a real place to call home. He found a small cottage not far from his lake. It was an hour walk – deep in the forest where there were no villages around and far from the one he grew up in._

_It wasn’t homed to anyone. There was no warmth or any signs of life. It was just as bare on the inside as it was on the outside. Spiders had taken it as their home instead. It would take some fixing up but Victor didn’t mind. Even the silence was welcomed without a single hesitation. The silence didn’t say a word about him or want to hurt him. The silence would be his only companion._

_It was going to be his home and he was going to live there until the day he dies. After all, he was better off on his own._

 

* * *

 

 

When Victor’s eyes opened, he was met with a world covered in white.

The terrain was blanket by snow. Snow fell from the sky in light flurries, taking home wherever it landed and building the scenic white around him. It The pleasant cold in the air chilled Victor’s bones and satisfied him in an instant. He smiled to himself. It was the perfect way to wake up from his sleep. He had promised a snowfall when he woke up.

But that wasn’t why he was smiling.

He got to his feet. He looked around in search for the one person he was expecting to see. It had been nine months, he didn’t want to waste a second away from his Yuuri. And he was certain Yuuri felt the same. He hoped so. While Yuuri’s wait was longer than his own, his excitement didn’t falter. He would reunite with his lover who was around him somewhere, he just couldn’t see him.

He took a deep breath and moved onwards. He tried hard not to think of the negatives because Yuuri had promised he would be there. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel nervous. There was the fear that Yuuri forgot about him in those nine months, and worse. Yuuri could have moved onto someone else. He could have found a new lover and thought it was easier to never see Victor again.

Victor shook his head to rid of the bad thoughts. Yuuri was there, somewhere. Victor didn’t doubt that.

He stopped before leaving the clearing. He stared ahead, scanning between the trees for Yuuri’s body to be walking towards him or hiding from him. He narrowed his eyes to get a better look but he couldn’t see his Yuuri. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen and a sudden feeling of dread rushed through him. His heart ached and pulled but he didn’t wait to believe it. He couldn’t believe it. He knew it wasn’t like Yuuri to say he’d be there and not. It wasn’t like Yuuri to –

“Victor?”

Victor’s breath escaped him. It was his voice – Yuuri’s voice – and he didn’t hesitate to turn.

Yuuri was standing by where Victor woke up. His heart set alight as their eyes met. Yuuri’s soft smile and warm eyes reminded Victor that Yuuri was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere or leaving Victor to be alone again. Yuuri was there to stay.

“Yuuri,” Victor said below a whisper. His legs began to move and he was suddenly running. Yuuri held his arms out. Victor didn’t stop until he was in Yuuri’s warm embrace – arms around each other and holding on tightly, unable to let each other go.

It had been a long nine months for Yuuri. But knowing he had that wait made Victor’s own heart ache and yearn for his touch.

They pulled back just to see each other’s eyes. Victor needed to look at him. He needed to remind himself that Yuuri was there and that he was very real. He knew Yuuri was real. There was no way he was a figment of Victor’s imagination but he needed to be certain. He raised his hand but Yuuri had done so first. Victor saw his fingers tremble as they gently touch his face and cupped his cheek. He felt Yuuri’s thumb move, caressing the soft cold skin beneath his fingers.

Yuuri’s hand then moved to weave his fingers through Victor’s hair to feel the soft strands move between his fingers. Victor didn’t stop Yuuri because as much as he needed to feel Yuuri too, Yuuri’s wait was longer. Yuuri needed this more than him. He could only imagine how the nine months had gone for Yuuri.

It didn’t stop Victor’s own hands from touching Yuuri the way he could. His hands roamed over Yuuri’s curves to feel his warmth but Yuuri’s coat disrupted the touch. Then Victor realized he didn’t need to touch Yuuri as much as he thought. He needed to see Yuuri and gaze upon his flaws and features. He wanted to remember Yuuri for who he was before he slept and notice the new changes in him.

Yuuri hadn’t changed much but there were some changes that Victor noticed. His hair that still had the same style, had grown longer. His shoulders were broader with muscle but he was still no bigger than before. His eyes held the same brightness. They were still big and bright and held the same love Victor saw before he slept. He noticed there was an absence in them – an absence that was being filled as he stared into the blues of Victor’s eyes.

He wasn’t aware that Yuuri was guiding him backward until his back hit a tree. Yet he didn’t pay attention to the low ache in his back. He could only focus on the coffee-dipped eyes that stared into his own and down to his lips, silently asking permission that Victor would give without a second thought.

They kissed for the first time in nine months.

Their kissed blurred into another, and another – until their mouths opened and both felt the push of their tongues meet in a mutual dance. Their lips stayed locked, desperate for the kiss that had now gone further. Victor let his hand slip under Yuuri’s coat. He allowed himself to feel Yuuri’s warm skin as his hand caressed the skin on Yuuri’s back and –

Yuuri gasped as he pulled back. Victor blinked, unsure why Yuuri did that until his mind caught up with the scene. Yuuri had his hand around Victor’s wrist and kept it away from his skin. He pulled his hand back but Yuuri didn’t let go of his wrist. It made him more confused.

“Your hand was just cold,” Yuuri spoke quietly. He hadn’t realized his cold hand would make Yuuri react that way. He refrained from doing it again and tried to pull his hand back, but Yuuri didn’t let go. He placed Victor’s hand back against the skin – where his hand once was and Victor’s brows dropped. “I didn’t say you couldn’t do it. It just took me by surprise.”

Victor didn’t hold back as he caressed his fingers down the dip in Yuuri’s back. He captured his lips once again. It had been so long. As Victor became aware of Yuuri’s warm breath on his lips and his cold fingers touching his skin, he realized how much he needed this too. He was aware of the minutes he had slept but his body was aware of the months without Yuuri.

He needed this just as much as Yuuri did.

There was something different about the kiss they were sharing. Unlike any other, it was desperate and needy. It lingered longer than most. They were both desperate for it – both in need of that touch and to make up for the time they spent apart. Even before Victor left, their kiss wasn’t the same as it was now. It was the first day of winter. They needed this.

Yuuri sucked in a breath when they pulled apart. Their chests moved fast and their breathing was heavy. Victor’s lips were warm and tingly with Yuuri’s touch and it was what he craved for. He dreamed of Yuuri’s lips on his own. He wanted to feel the press of Yuuri’s body against his and to adventure more into their relationship. He was back and they could do so. It was strange. His wait was only minutes and yet he missed Yuuri so much.

He didn’t just miss Yuuri’s touch. It was Yuuri being there that he missed too. It was Yuuri’s company that made his bad thoughts go away and his past seem meaningless. Yuuri was an antidote to his loneliness. He never felt alone with Yuuri around. Even when his lake was full of life, it never filled that void until Yuuri came along with a small dog by his side, and changed Victor’s view on life outside of his lake.

“I missed you so much, Victor,” Yuuri murmured as he gripped Victor’s shirt. He pulled him forward for another kiss then pulled back. “It’s been a long year. It’s been so long and I have so much to tell you.”

“I can’t wait to hear,” Victor replied with a smile. He wanted to hear everything that he missed. Nine months was a long time and he wondered so much. He hoped Yuuri’s art had gone well and pondered if he and Yakov had finished building his home – which reminded Victor to ask, “Did you finish building your home?”

Yuuri nodded happily. “Yes! We finished it last month!” Victor smiled along with Yuuri’s. He couldn’t wait to see the home and to be with Yuuri in the comfort of someplace warm. It was strange. He never wanted to be somewhere that was warm before. “I can’t wait to show it to you. I made sure it’s comfortable for both you and me.”

Yuuri took his hand and they began their walk. Yuuri knew the pathway better than Victor did and he had haunted that lake for years. But he wasn’t surprised. He suspected Yuuri spent a lot of time in his forest, waiting for him to arrive while he worked on his home with Yakov.  He wondered how Yakov was doing.

Yuuri rambled on about his year as they walked. It was an endless stream of him going off topic but there was enough for Victor to listen and learn. Yuuri had found his inspiration again. He was slowly getting himself back on track. It wasn’t instant like the last time he lost his inspiration but he was selling his work again. He admitted that he was a little upset he didn’t get as popular as he was before but he was taking his time and he was comfortable doing so. He found he had a fan too. They motivated him.

Yuuri did more than just draw. He said that because of Victor, he went ice skating for the first time. He had found it fun and Victor was so pleased to hear. He wanted them to skate together but Victor didn’t have his skates anymore. He lost them when he died. Instead, he stayed silent and listened to Yuuri ramble on about how much he loved it. He said it was fun, even if he constantly fell over.

It was nice hearing Yuuri had such a pleasant year. He loved to watch the smile grow on Yuuri’s face. His eyes would sparkle brightly when he remembered back to a time that made him smile. His laugh was like a beautiful song that Victor could sit and listen to all day. It was a delight to see Yuuri in such a way. He wanted to see Yuuri’s smile more often.

They stopped when they saw a home hidden behind a cluster of trees. Victor moved forward and past the trees to get a better look at the home. It had changed so much since he last saw it. It felt like home and he hadn’t even stepped inside yet. He heard Yuuri come up behind him and he turned, meeting Yuuri’s eyes with a wide grin on his face.

“And this is home,” Yuuri smiled and gestured towards the structure. Victor was about to move on when a sudden bark alerted them both.

Vicchan came pouncing out of the house. He stopped halfway to stare at Victor. His head cocked to the side as if he was trying to figure something out but it wasn’t coming to him. He stayed focused on Victor, even ignoring the snowflakes that fell around him. He used to chase after them in the past but he paid no attention now.

Then a switch was flipped and Vicchan remembered who he was. He barked and hopped on the spot. Victor laughed as the small dog came running towards him and jumped into his arms. His tail wagged wildly and he licked Victor’s face, slobbering over him as he gave his warm, wet kisses.

“I think somebody missed you,” Yuuri laughed beside him. Victor moved his face to stop the dog from licking him but Vicchan wasn’t done yet. And although his face was wet and he could smell nothing but dog, he couldn’t contain his own laughter.

“I miss him too,” He said when he had the moment to speak. Vicchan calmed from his excitement and jumped from Victor’s grasp. He bounced back towards the home but paused before going inside. He turned to stare at the two, waiting for them to hurry up inside where it was warm.

Vicchan barked when they moved and wasted no time running inside. When they walked in, the shack was completely different. Victor knew it would but the sudden change still surprised him. It was once worn down and decaying from age but now, the walls had been replaced with new, fresh good. Graffiti didn’t stain the walls and the windows were no longer broken. Yuuri and Yakov had put their hard work into it and it showed. The home was beautiful.

It screamed Yuuri, too. There was an array of canvases pushed in one corner, some with unfinished paintings on and others that were blank, waiting for Yuuri’s new masterpiece. His sketchbooks were on a bookshelf along with books he could read and Victor made a mental note to read some of the books. Scattered around the floor were a mess of pens and pencils that had no order or cleanliness to them. They were left carelessly on the floor along with a few paintbrushes with dried paint on the ends. Victor had expected Yuuri to take better care of his art material. It didn’t worry him too much because his eyes caught sight of something else that caught his interest.

He saw a picture hanging on the wall. It was like one of Yuuri’s paintings but more defined and much like the photographs Yuuri had once shown him. His eyes stared at the group of people in the picture who had Yuuri’s eyes. He knew in seconds that they were his family.

Victor wanted to smile but a sudden warmth flushed through him. The sweltering heat made the nape of his neck damp and his skin glisten. The heat was unbearable. He puffed out a breath and pulled the collar of his shirt, trying to ease the heat but it did nothing to help.

He wanted nothing more than to bathe in a blanket of snow and bask in the cold. He moved closer to a window and stared at the world outside. The snow was crisp and white but more importantly, it was cold. He wanted to lie down and remind himself that the cold was his friend. Winter was here and he wasn’t supposed to be feeling that kind of warmth.

“Victor?” Yuuri’s voice startled him from his thoughts. He reluctantly turned his gaze away from the icy cold scene outside and met Yuuri’s concerned stare. “Are you okay?”

“I just –” He stopped when he felt himself faze through the wall. He turned and saw one side of his body outside. But he could feel the cold air and he was reluctant to pull himself in. It was too hot in there. The room was beginning to spin. “It’s really hot in here.”

Hands were suddenly on his shoulders and he was being guided somewhere else. He took no notice until the sudden icy bite of winter nipped his nose and chilled his bones. He breathed in the crisp cold air, filling his lungs with ice as he sat on the porch and closed his eyes.

He didn’t know what Yuuri was doing behind him. He could hear the patter of his feet scurrying around his home but Victor didn’t take much notice. He could only concentrate on the cold around him. His fingers curled in the snow, feeling the frozen liquid beneath his fingertips. His hot flush was beginning to subside. He breathed in a deep breath as an icy breeze circled around him and gently kissed his skin with a frozen touch.

“Victor?” Yuuri spoke behind him and Victor turned. He had his hand held out, waiting for Victor to take it. He eyed his hand for a moment then glanced behind him, his curiosity now getting the better of him. He took Yuuri’s hand as he got to his feet and allowed his lover to guide him inside.

He noticed that although the fireplace was still burning and crackling away, the room had cooled down. He could feel a breeze and he noticed the windows had been opened. He turned to Yuuri as he closed the door behind him, brows dropped as he said, “But you’ll be cold.”

Yuuri shrugged carelessly. “It’ll be fine. I can deal with the cold,” He said. Victor went to argue back but Yuuri spoke before him. “You can’t handle the warmth. This is the only way I can make us both happy. Is this okay?”

Victor wasn’t happy but he could accept the agreement. He looked around and thought for a moment. If Yuuri got too cold, he could sit by the fire and if Victor got too hot, he could take a trip outside. It should be an easy agreement but Victor didn’t want Yuuri to force himself to be cold. But he appreciated that Yuuri would do that for him. It warmed his heart and made his lips curl into a smile.

“Thank you, Yuuri,” He smiled and Yuuri returned the grin. He then reached over and took Victor’s hand again. He guided him towards the couch sat in front of the fire and sat down. He patted the area beside him, asking Victor to join and he didn’t hesitate to do so.

Victor moved to sit sideways after a while. The warm fire burned his skin and suffocated him in an unbearable heat. With the fire on his right and the cold to his left, he was in a content middle. He was neither hot nor cold but switched between the two. It was more bearable than before and he pulled through. He wasn’t going to let the heat move him out of Yuuri’s arms. He was there to stay, no matter how hot the room was or how much he wanted to sit outside in the cold like they used to.

There had been nine months of complete silence. The heat wasn’t going to take it away.

There was so much that Victor wanted to ask about and after a while of sitting in silence, he asked, “Have those ghost hunters visited while I was gone?” He asked from curiosity but also because he needed to know if they started to bother Yuuri. When Yuuri shook his head, Victor was relieved. “They stopped trying?”

“Not really,” Yuuri said with a weak shrug. “They’ve been quiet for most of the summer but I suspect they’ll be here soon. I don’t think Georgi is the kind of person to give up so easily.”

Victor thought that hearing Georgi would be back would bother him more but it didn’t. He wasn’t so angry anymore. He wasn’t completely sure why. His first assumption was that Yuuri had a home now. He could hide away from them, behind the protection of closed doors. It felt less likely that Georgi would find them now than before and Victor was pleased to think that.

They fell into a silence again.

Victor found himself looking around Yuuri’s home again. It was so interesting to see how different life was compared to when he was alive. He noticed they relied on electricity more than he did when he was alive. They had more technical things but their homes had a different look to them too. They had more things and random miscellaneous objects scattered around that he was certain had sentimental value to them.

What he found stranger was the flat, black object pushed to the side beside the couch and fireplace. It looked like it was a larger phone. He wanted to ask about it but he never found the moment to when Yuuri spoke before him.

“I really missed you,” Yuuri said and Victor couldn’t help but pull Yuuri close. He pressed his nose against his hair and smelled his shampoo and cologne. He wanted to remind himself of Yuuri’s scent. He wondered what he smelled like.

“I missed you too,” He replied before gently kissing Yuuri on the crown of his head. He heard Yuuri him with content and Victor smiled.

“It was horrible coming here and not seeing you waiting for me,” Yuuri spoke quietly. Victor couldn’t help himself grip Yuuri tighter. He never wanted to put him through that wait but he had no choice. He couldn’t change what had to happen. “I think I convinced myself a few times that you were still there, that you were just invisible but still watching over me.”

“You know I wasn’t,” Victor said and Yuuri nodded fast.

“I know. I know. I just…” He paused as he took a deep breath. Yuuri then pulled back and Victor already missed feeling his body against his. Yuuri turned to face Victor and they stared eye to eye. “It was hard because you’re a spirit. It’s not the relationship but it was my own mind that was never certain of the truth. I knew you weren’t there but I couldn’t stop asking myself if I was certain of that. I couldn’t help it.”

Victor never wanted Yuuri to question his own logic and thought. He knew that his existence could make Yuuri uncertain of everything but he thought Yuuri was doing well. His absence had affected Yuuri more than he hoped. He couldn’t do anything while he was asleep but now he was awake, he was going to try his best to help Yuuri be certain again.

“If you’re not certain of anything, ask me, Okay, Yuuri?”

He nodded. “I know. But you were gone. I couldn’t ask you.” They fell silent as neither knew how to reply. “It was my first time away from you. It was hard on me, Victor.”

Victor’s chest hurt with an ache that didn’t seem to leave. He reached for Yuuri’s hand and laced his fingers between Yuuri’s own, grasping tightly. His thumb stroked across his skin in a comforting way, hoping to ease Yuuri’s tense shoulders and sad eyes with his touch. Yuuri closed his eyes and sighed heavily, trying to get a hold of himself.

“It was hard on me too,” Victor said and Yuuri opened his eyes to meet Victor’s stare. He stayed silent. “It was strange. I wasn’t aware of the nine months away but my body is. It knows it was away for so long and it misses you. I miss you, Yuuri.”

“Victor…” Yuuri trailed off. He didn’t know what to say but Victor knew exactly what to say. He had so much he wanted to tell Yuuri – to let him know and express his deepest desires to him.

“I miss your touches and how warm you are. I missed your voice that’s so sweet to hear, and your smile that brightens my day in seconds. And your eyes that hold so much about you and how you’re feeling. I know what you feel towards me, Yuuri, and I hope my eyes share the same.” He brought Yuuri’s hand up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss there. “You’re so beautiful. But you’re kind too, and so much more.”

Yuuri’s smile trembled and he breathed in a deep breath. He wiped his eyes but Victor didn’t see any tears fall. He could, however, see the glisten of tears in his eyes – ones that threatened to fall. Yuuri took another deep breath before touching their foreheads together. Victor’s eyes closed and he could feel nothing but the warmth of Yuuri. The fireplace was long forgotten. He could only focus on his Yuuri.

“You are too, Victor,” Yuuri murmured before their lips caught one another’s – locked together and unable to separate. It had been a long nine months, but they were there, together, and unable to tear apart from one another.

It was a long nine months and they’re finally together again.

 

_Welcome back. He missed you, Victor._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I know it's been two weeks but it's here and I should be back on regular updates now!


	12. Chapter 12

~~~~

_Life alone was lonely. But Victor learned that long ago._

_Loneliness was like an elastic band around his heart. It slowly squeezed with just enough pressure to cause a constant pain, but it was never enough to break. It was a slow, painful ache that every day hurt just a little bit more. It was the reason Victor struggled to breathe in the silence of his home or find the desperate need to fill that silence with a noise._

_One day, he feared the elastic would snap. Because that’s what elastic does when pulled too harshly._

_But Victor dealt with it. The loneliness was better than being at home with his mother and trapped in a village that hated him. He’d rather loneliness than the neglect from his mother and abuse from the villagers. He was safe where he was living. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t home just yet, but he stayed._

_As time went by, he struggled to come to terms with many things. He learned to block it all out when he was in the village. He had no choice but to. He had to stop their taunts and abuse somehow, and hide himself away from his mother. Now he was free. He could be who he wanted to be._

_That was the first thing he had to tackle – accepting who he was._

_He was twenty-four when he finally accepted himself for who he is. It was also the first time he saw another person in three years._

_Victor was desperate to talk to somebody other than himself. He was outside his front garden when the person came over. Victor was pleased to have a guest and was close to inviting them inside. He didn’t, however, when he noticed the fury in their eyes and their balled fists turning white from their anger. He wondered why the person was so angry at him._

_“You monster,” The person growled at Victor. He didn’t know what to say or do. He had never seen that person before in his life. “You’re the monster that’s cursed our village! You’re a killer. You – you killed my daughter, and we won’t let you get away with this.”_

_It was a quick conversation and it was one Victor wished never happened. The person walked away after yelling their threat. Victor stood back, his heart pounding hard in his chest and his mind running haywire. The person lived in his village. But he didn’t focus on that._

_He was a monster that was cursed. That was what the person had said. It was the first time Victor heard such words being yelled at him. Yet, Victor didn’t doubt the person's words. Perhaps he was a monster and maybe he had cursed his village. But Victor didn’t find himself wanting to care. If he were to curse the village, he would be happy to do so. After all, they never treated him kindly. He had no reason to wish them well._

_Whatever the curse Victor supposedly had, he hoped for it to be true._

* * *

 

Victor wanted to keep the snowfall for a few more days but he knew it wasn’t wise to do so. Mother Earth was beginning to become agitated with him. They were demanding a change of scenery. The world was too cold. It didn’t matter that it was winter. He needed to keep a balance in the temperature.

But more importantly, he should give Yuuri a break from the cold too. They tried to balance between the warmth and cold as much as they could but the fire was almost unbearable for Victor and the cold was sometimes too much for Yuuri, especially during the night.

He had to encourage the clouds to leave. It was time for clear skies and a slight warmth in the air.

The thought itself made Victor feel lightheaded but he could survive with a hint of warmth. And he would try harder if it meant Yuuri would be that little bit warmer. He didn’t want to be selfish. But he couldn’t help his displeasure towards the heat either.

The clouds moved within a day. Victor could feel the snow clouds slowly disintegrating and breaking apart, becoming nothing more than grey clouds that were once something. The further they traveled, the less Victor could feel them until eventually, they became nothing. They disappeared without a trace and all that was left was a bright blue sky that hurt Victor’s eyes and pushed him under the shade where it was cool.

Which had encouraged Yuuri’s question when Victor stood on his front porch, staring out across his forest, “What are you doing?”

Victor turned and met Yuuri’s eyes. He raised a brow until his mind caught up with what Yuuri had asked. He hummed and looked back at his forest. “I’m just thinking.” A silence fell between them. Only the wind above them, rustling the trees and whistling in the air, could be heard. “I haven’t visited my lake since I arrived here.”

Yuuri came up beside him. “You can leave if you want,” He said. “You don’t have to stay here. If you want to leave, you can. You know where I am.”

Victor knew that. He didn’t think Yuuri was forcing him to stay there. He stayed longer because he wanted to, for both himself and Yuuri. He missed Yuuri over those months and Yuuri did too. They expressed that enough to each other over the few days Victor had been back. He didn’t leave because he didn’t want to.

But the lake began to call him. It echoed his name in the wind and begged for his return. Victor knew it was him feeling homesick which confused him even more. He wasn’t far from his lake and yet, he missed the glistening waters and frozen air. He wanted to sit by his lake and watch the world go by like he used to do every winter. It was such a simple time. He had no worries or fears, responsibilities, or requirements. He could live life in peace with little care in the world.

It was a sudden change. He knew he wasn’t missing anything important at his lake, but he couldn’t help but want to go back and check it. He did, after all, spend the rest of his remaining life there.

“You could warm up your home while I’m gone?” Victor suggested. If Yuuri had the chance to warm the home up while he wasn’t there, he should take advantage of that. “Then when I get back, we can open the windows until the room is chilled?”

Yuuri nodded, pleased with Victor’s suggestion. His hand was then on Victor’s arm and Victor turned, meeting Yuuri’s eyes. They were soft and gentle, full of love and affection as he smiled warmly at Victor. “I’ll see you soon.”

It wasn’t a question. Yuuri knew Victor would be back and he smiled too. They shared a kiss and said their goodbyes, which took longer than it should have. It would be the first time they truly spent away from each other since Victor’s return. It was silly of them to be so needy to each other, but they were young and in love. It was a honeymoon phase.

Victor eventually pulled away but not before giving Yuuri one final kiss. It lingered as they cherished the moment. Then Victor really pulled away, stepping back before turning away from Yuuri and beginning his walk to his lake.

He stopped when he heard a bark behind him and the light patter of pawprints against the icy ground. He turned and saw Vicchan behind him, sat with his tongue hung out as he patiently waited for Victor’s approval on something. Victor glanced up at Yuuri, who was hiding his smile behind his hand.

“I think he wants to join you,” Yuuri said when he moved his hand. Victor glanced back at the dog who barked to hurry Victor up. “You can take him if you want. He’s very obedient to the people he likes.”

Victor was pleased to take Vicchan along with him but he couldn’t help but feel it was a bad idea. It didn’t sit right in his gut. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of what could possibly go wrong. He was just visiting his lake. There was nothing more to it.

“Alright, come on, Vicchan,” Victor said and the companion was quick to join Victor’s side. Victor waved a goodbye at Yuuri and then he began his trek to his lake with a companion by his side and a gut that didn’t feel right.

He still thought it was a bad idea but he convinced himself that nothing could go wrong.

His walk was pleasant and silent. Vicchan made no fuss or noise but only got distracted a few times to chase a stray leaf that flew through the air. He was quick to give up chasing it when it got too far away from Victor and instead, decided to carry a twig with him instead. The companion made Victor smile. He never had the chance to own a pet when he was alive.

It didn’t take him long to get to his lake. Even from a place he didn’t know so well, he could always find his lake. He stepped forward and stopped at the edge of the water. The water wasn’t fully frozen but the ice took charge along the side, freezing the water in a thin layer of ice and keeping it at bay. The sunlight melted away most of the frost and yet, it remained untouched in the shade, hidden away from the warm beams that took it away.

There weren’t as many people around as Victor would have liked. Yakov wasn’t in his usual place and there were only a few dog walkers and joggers that made a visit when Victor did. It didn’t upset him but he wondered why there were fewer people than usual. He didn’t think much of it.

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel. The air was cold and his lake was in content. As was he.

He _was_ in content. The loud boom of a voice startled him from his peace. He turned just as Vicchan did, both curious to the noise that yelled behind them. It was a voice and it sounded familiar, but Victor couldn’t see who it was.

He looked down at Vicchan. He knelt beside the companion who had his eyes focused on the noise instead. Victor snapped his fingers and the dog’s head turned to the new noise, and stayed there. “Vicchan,” Victor began. “I’ll see what that noise is. You stay here, alright?”

Victor stood but the dog didn’t sit down. He turned back to the noise when another voice echoed through the forest. “Vicchan,” Victor said louder, his voice stern and demanding. Vicchan looked back at him. “Stay.”

The companion sat down. He felt more prepared to adventure forth and see what the commotion was about. He took a deep breath, easing the light fear that settled in his chest and moved onwards. The closer he got, the more he began to recognize the voices that were speaking.

He came to a sudden stop.

He recognized the four people all too well.

“I thought it was funny that we hadn’t found anything in a while.” It was Georgi and his group. Georgi’s face was red with fury and his eyes held anger. Victor didn’t know what was going on between them but he didn’t feel prepared to face them. “You’re driving us away from the ghost!”

His finger pointed straight towards Mila. Her brows dropped hard. “Excuse me?”

“You’re hiding the ghost from us,” Georgi yelled. His hands flailed around him, exaggerated but full of fury. “I’ve been wondering why our findings have suddenly dropped. You’re guiding us away from the spirit!”

Mila sighed hard as she crossed her arms. “That’s stupid, Georgi, and you know it.” Victor swore he saw her look at him for barely a second. He wasn’t certain.

Georgi stepped forward. His eyes were narrowed and there was a sudden calm that made the atmosphere feel more heavy and thick. “Why are you doing this Mila?” He asked. Victor held his breath and focused on the scene. He feared for Mila. This was his fault after all. “Is it because the ghost asked you? Did he go to you and ask to be left alone?”

Mila opened her mouth but the words fell silent when a bark echoed beside them. Victor’s heart leaped to his throat as he spun on the spot. He saw Vicchan racing towards him and he wasn’t going to stop. Victor shook his head fast, desperate for Vicchan to go back and leave them alone.

“Vicchan!” He yelled and ran towards the companion. His hands reached down when the dog ran past but he failed to stop the dog. His hands fazed straight through instead, deeming his action pointless and a waste of time.

A growl and bark had Victor turn fast. Vicchan was stood in front of Georgi, growling harshly at the man who held more confusion in his face more than fear. Victor’s heart stopped.

“Whose fucking dog is that?” Yuri’s voice spoke to Victor’s left. He hadn’t paid much attention to him, or Otabek who stood beside him. Vicchan continued to growl and bark at Georgi but he ignored the dog.

“I don’t care,” Georgi stated firmly. He held his stare towards Mila. “We’re going to continue this discussion, Mila.”

Victor could only watch in fear. He couldn’t stop Vicchan. He couldn’t pull him away, apologize to the group, and take him back to Yuuri where he would be safe and comfortable. Victor had no control and Vicchan wasn’t going to give up until Georgi left the lake. Any action he could make to stop Vicchan wouldn’t work. He had to watch and hope the dog would give up.

“There’s a dog here, Georgi!” Mila yelled as she gestured towards Vicchan. “This isn’t the time for this!”

“You’re just avoiding the conversation because you know what I’m about to do,” Georgi yelled over the loud barks that continued below him. Victor focused his attention on Vicchan, making sure he was safe, and the conversation going on between the group. He was curious what Georgi was about to do. “You’re fired!”

The two words stunned the group into complete silence. Well, as silent as it could be with Vicchan barking and growling at Georgi. The man wasn’t fazed by the noise at all.

“…What?” Mila’s voice was silent, barely heard above the barks.

“I’m getting a new medium. I’ll find somebody that’ll actually help me,” Georgi said as he stepped towards her with his arms crossed and brows hung low. He then turned to Yuri and Otabek. “In fact, you two are fired too.”

The two were startled by the news, both sharing a look towards each other but Victor could see that neither cared as much as Mila did. He could see her own anger slowly building, churning deep within her. “You can’t fire me,” She said loudly, needing Georgi to hear her voice above the growling. “I’m the best medium you’ll ever have!”

“I can find a new one,” Georgi replied as if it was the easiest thing to say.

It was that moment that Mila met Victor’s stare. He didn’t know what was going through her mind but her expression never faltered. Her anger stayed true even when she turned back to Georgi. “You’re making a mistake,” She growled through gritted teeth. “He doesn’t appreciate being stalked every winter. He’s been trying to hide from you and your camera. I’m saying this as a warning but he will retaliate one day and I won’t be there to help you.”

Mila was right. He would retaliate if Georgi got too close to Yuuri. He didn’t want Georgi to go anywhere near his lover. He didn’t know what Georgi would do if he did find out but Victor didn’t need to know. He was going to keep Georgi away from Yuuri for as long as he could. And if Georgi got too close, Victor would react.

“Then I’ll be there with my camera and I’ll get it on video.” The group was stunned. Victor was too. He stared wide-eyed and his hands began to shake – whether it was from anger or fear, he did not know. Vicchan’s barks had subsided but his growling was low and threatening. “I will find the person he is attached to and I’ll get my proof without your help.”

“You’ll never find him without me,” Mila growled and Georgi gave a faint grin. There was mischief there and Victor didn’t like it.

“You’re right, I won’t.”

Georgi bent down and reached for Vicchan. Victor’s heart pounded hard and he moved forward quickly, his hand reaching out for the companion and desperate to stop Georgi. “Don’t touch him!” Victor yelled with the knowledge that Georgi could not hear him. His hand reached Vicchan but rather than him feeling his soft fur, he fazed through instead. Victor pulled his hand back as a gasp escaped his lips.

There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t touch Vicchan or yell at Georgi for being so idiotic. He was helpless. He trembled from anger and sorrow as he watched Georgi pick Vicchan up. Vicchan reacted back, growling and attempting to bite Georgi to escape but the man saw it coming before it happened. The dog was small, he couldn’t fight back so well. He growled in Georgi’s arms. “This little guy will help me.”

Mila’s stare swapped from Georgi to Victor. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung agape as she shook her head. “Georgi, don’t,” She warned, her finger pointed towards him. “That’s not your dog.”

“That’s fucked, Georgi,” Yuri stepped forward. He was far more angry than Mila was but his anger didn’t bother Georgi. “You can’t just use someone else’s dog to help you find some god damn ghost.”

“I’m only borrowing him for a couple of days and then I’ll return him to his owner,” Georgi said as he took a step back away from the group. They were beginning to crowd around him, ready to pounce any moment. The wind around them picked up and it wasn’t from Victor encouraging it to do so. Georgi looked down at Vicchan’s collar. He hummed. “Katsuki Yuuri will get his dog back soon.”

Then Georgi turned, walking away from the scene and leaving everyone behind in a stunned silence. Victor couldn’t move. He could only watch Georgi walk further away from him with Yuuri’s companion in his hands. His fists balled tightly and his whole body trembled. He stifled his sobs in an attempt to hide his grief and anger, and refused to have them fall. He wasn’t going to let them win.

“I’m sorry,” A voice said, directed to him. He tore his eyes away to meet Mila’s. “You’ll get your dog back soon, I promise.”

Victor didn’t know if he could trust Mila’s words but for his own grief, he was going to try.

“Who are you talking to?” Yuri asked, moving forward towards Mila.

She looked at him. “The ghost Georgi wants to find,” She said so easily and walked away before they could ask any questions. Yuri looked at Otabek who looked back at him, both of their eyes wide before they scanned the area, searching for Victor.

But Victor didn’t want to be there anymore. He couldn’t contain himself and he needed Yuuri. He was desperate for Yuuri to be there and he needed to explain himself. He couldn’t believe this had happened. He should have listened to his gut feeling and let Vicchan stay inside. The whole incident wouldn’t have happened if he had done so.

He ran. He ran through the forest and didn’t bother moving out of the way of the trees. He could move through them with little worry and ease. The wind picked up behind him, pushing him onwards and helping him move faster. It was helping Victor get back too.

He saw Yuuri’s house ahead and Victor didn’t hesitate to call for help. “Yuuri!” He wailed, breathing heavily from his panic and the run. “Yuuri!” He yelled again. The door finally opened and Yuuri stepped outside.

“Victor?” Yuuri yelled back in question. His brows were dropped and his eyes searched around Victor.

Victor didn’t hesitate to jump into Yuuri’s arms when he reached them. His arms went around Yuuri and tugged tightly, desperate to feel his touch. His hands gripped the back of Yuuri’s shirt, trying to pull him as close as he could. He forced back his grief. He didn’t want Yuuri to see his tears or have Yuuri’s own fall down his cheeks. He needed to stay calm.

Yuuri knew not to ask just yet. They sat on the porch, surrounded by the wind that tried to sooth Victor’s panic too, and stayed locked in their embrace. Yuuri was going to ask about Vicchan soon. It wasn’t a subject that would be avoided and Victor wanted to talk about it. He had to tell Yuuri what happened. Only he couldn’t, not yet.

“Victor?” Yuuri pulled back after a while. His hands were either side of Victor’s face.

When Victor met Yuuri’s eyes, a strong rip tugged in his chest. It pulled and ached and made him choke out a sob. Yuuri’s thumbs dried his tears as they fell. “Victor, are you okay?” He asked first. Victor’s heart ached. He closed his eyes but the tears still fell. “Where’s Vicchan?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and his lip wobbled. He sucked in a deep breath, desperate to force his tears back. He opened his eyes and through the blur, he stared into Yuuri’s.

“Yuuri, I am so sorry.”

~

Blankets were too warm. They itched and make his skin feel warmer than what was deemed comfortable. But Victor wrapped it around himself. It was comforting and he felt he could hide away from the world.

But it didn’t matter if he hid himself under the covers and suffered from the heat for years to come, he had to face reality. Vicchan was gone and it was his fault.

“So, let me get this straight,” Yuuri began and Victor pulled the blanket down just below his eyes, peaking over to look at Yuuri. They were sat on the couch, both facing the fireplace that long lost its heat. “The guy who’s trying to find you fired everyone on his team, took Vicchan, and is using him to try and find you?”

Victor bit his lip when Yuuri met his eyes. He couldn’t tell what Yuuri was feeling. He could be angry, annoyed, upset, or a combination of them all. “Yes,” Victor spoke. “I tried to stop Vicchan but I’m… I’m just a spirit, Yuuri. I can’t do things that you can do and I couldn’t take Vicchan back or tell Georgi to not take him and I –”

His words stopped when Yuuri’s hand gripped his own tightly. He stared at their intertwined fingers then up at Yuuri’s eyes. They held a determined and strong stare as he said, “Victor. I’m not mad at you.” It was a relief to hear Yuuri say but it didn’t stop Victor from blaming himself.

Victor turned away. “I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

“I didn’t have to forgive you in the first place,” Yuuri said and Victor glanced back. “I am annoyed that this happened. Well, more irritated than annoyed. I know you couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening and I am well aware of your inability to do things and speak to people. If I were mad at you, I’d be mad at the wrong person.”

“You’re irritated at me?” Victor asked. He didn’t blame Yuuri if he was. He would feel that too if he were in Yuuri’s situation.

“A little,” Yuuri admitted. Victor chewed on his lip, trying to hide the sudden hurt that jabbed his insides. “It’s more at the situation than you but I’m more angry at Georgi. He’s my main concern. I am worried about you too, but like I said, Georgi is my main concern.”

Victor nodded. “That’s understandable.” Then a silence filled the room. The wind whistled outside, angry and irritated much like Yuuri was. It too was upset with the situation. Victor cleared his throat. “So, what can we do to get Vicchan back?”

Yuuri sat forward and rested his head in his hands. His brows hung heavy and his eyes stared with concentration. He was deep in thought. “You said he would return Vicchan in a few days, yeah?” Victor thought back and nodded. “Vicchan will guide him here. He’s very attached. He wouldn’t want to be away from me for long, and he also knows the woods well too. He’ll come back.”

“But doesn’t that just give Georgi the answer that I’m here?” Victor asked. He didn’t want to turn it back to himself. He wanted Vicchan back just as much as Yuuri, but he didn’t want to give away his existence either. Nor bring Georgi to Yuuri.

“Georgi thinks Vicchan will take him to you and he will.” Victor was about to protest but Yuuri’s words stopped him. “But we won’t let Georgi know you’re here.”

Victor’s brows dropped. “I don’t think I understand what you’re trying to say.”

Yuuri turned to face Victor and Victor dropped the blanket from his head, letting it rest on his shoulders to get a better look at Yuuri. “Vicchan will come home. I’m here and you’re here too,” He began. Victor still didn’t understand. “But what I’m saying is that we try and convince Georgi that Vicchan just wanted to come home, and not find you instead.”

Victor shook his head. “But Georgi wanted Vicchan to help find me,” He argued back. “I’m worried that if Vicchan comes here, Georgi will think that I’m here too.”

Yuuri gave a careless shrug. “Then we let Georgi think that.” Victor didn’t want that. He wanted Georgi to be gone and never bother them again. “He can’t see you, can he? He has no proof.”

Victor still shook his head. He wanted to protect Yuuri – he _needed_ to. Georgi was to not come anywhere near Yuuri. The fear that Georgi would piece everything together and realize that Yuuri was the one he was looking for was too much for Victor to handle. He wanted to protect Yuuri, but with what happened with Vicchan, he feared he couldn’t.

“But –”

“Victor,” Yuuri spoke over him to stop him from arguing back. Yuuri reached over and held both of Victor’s hands in his own and squeezed lightly, comforting him without words. “I can fight my own battles. And in this case, I have to. I appreciate that you’re trying but please, let me help you too.”

Victor took a deep breath. Yuuri was right. As much as Victor wanted to try and help Yuuri with his battles, Yuuri had to fight his own when Victor couldn’t help. This was a battle that Victor was completely powerless in. There was no way he could help or be there for Yuuri. He was a spectator, unable to help and assist.

It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. He would be there for Yuuri when Yuuri might need him.

“Okay,” He nodded. “I guess this means we have to wait.”

Yuuri agreed and moved close. “We have to wait.”

 

_Vicchan will be back by his side soon. Do not threat. He is okay._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for Georgi to be this bad buuuuuuut it kinda happened, much like this chapter! I knew the conversation between everyone would happen but not for another few chapters! Yet I feel really pleased with how this chapter was written and the direction it went. It's strange, really, but I'm happy with it and I hope you guys enjoy it too! <3
> 
> ~~Also check it out I'm back to regular updates yay!!!~~


	13. Chapter 13

 

_Victor wondered for a while what he was to his mother._

_She had said he was nothing but a pebble in her shoe. She looked at him with such disgust and anger. It was clear that she didn’t want him. But there was a question that didn’t leave his mind – one that made him second guess her words and question why she said them to begin with._

_If he was such an inconvenience to her, why did she keep him?_

_He was clearly a problem to her. She hated him for something that was unknown to him, but she never got rid of him. She never tried to abandon him or make him someone else’s problem. She still cared for him for those twenty-one years he lived with her. She may have hated him but she never tried to rid of him._

_When he ran away, she had her chance. She could have left Victor to run away and never have him be a problem to her. But she didn’t. She went out to find him herself and brought him home. It didn’t make sense and Victor couldn’t work out exactly why she did it._

_He had pondered a few ideas. He could have been an easy convenience for her. He followed the rules without question. He did what she told him to do. If she needed food, he would go out and get it. If she wanted some coal for a fire or wood to keep it burning, he would collect it without arguing. He was a good kid who did what he was told._

_But none of those ideas felt right. It was something else – something more._

_The villager who called him a monster made him ponder. He questioned if that had anything to do with it. The villagers were never kind to him. They treated him like a monster before but being called one only added to his list of unanswered questions. They knew something he didn’t know and whatever it was, he was certain it influenced his mother’s hatred in him._

_Time away from his mother and the village had him reflect. It wasn’t an easy decision for Victor to make, but he felt it was the right thing to do._

_He wanted to reconnect with his mother._

_If it went good or bad, it wouldn’t matter. At least he tried. And maybe, just maybe, he might finally get the answers he deserves._

* * *

 

Yuuri didn’t sleep well the first night.

He was awake until the early hour of the morning, complaining how sleeping felt more like a chore than something that should be so natural. Victor couldn’t offer any advice. He hadn’t slept like a living person for centuries. Yuuri tossed and turned in the sheets but while the darkness consumed the room, it didn’t cradle him into an easy sleep. He was restless.

Yuuri was missing Vicchan more than he was admitting. Victor could see it in his eyes. The absence of his companion hurt him more than he was letting himself feel. He was bottling it up – pushing it as far back in his mind as possible. As much as Yuuri said he was okay, he wasn’t. Victor knew that. He was hiding how he really felt because he didn’t want Victor to see.

Victor didn’t want that. He never wanted Yuuri to hide how he really felt. Whether it was Victor’s fault or not, he was responsible for his own actions. He had to face the consequences. And Yuuri wasn’t helping that by hiding his emotions from Victor.

However, Yuuri’s emotions broke through a little on the second day.

He was irritable. His brows hung low and his lips had a slight scowl to them. He stomped around and everything was nothing but a problem to him. It ranged from big to small things. Either his electrical box didn’t cook his food fast enough, or his big phone box that wasn’t his phone was going too slow for him. His frustration and anger aimed at everything and everyone. Victor knew he was just angry at the situation, but he didn’t want Yuuri to snap at him. He kept his distance.

Yuuri grumbled to himself late that night. He complained and moaned about every little thing. It was beginning to get on Victor’s nerves but he reminded himself that Yuuri was just angry. Victor made Yuuri go to sleep early. His tiredness wasn’t helping him. He had slept better but his eyes didn’t close until early morning. But he slept better. Victor did all that he could.

The third day without Vicchan, Yuuri became more sad than frustrated. He’d sit and stare off in the distance, deep in thought with low eyes and a frown on his lips. Yuuri was upset and Victor was too. It helped neither of them that the wait for Vicchan to return home might be longer than they had hoped.

Victor couldn’t stay in the house any longer. It wasn’t from Yuuri’s mood changes. He was pleased Yuuri was getting out his emotions. It was needed. He just couldn’t be stuck in the same rooms any longer. The home was getting smaller by the hour, and hotter as the days went on. He needed the open space and the cool air to ease the tightness in his chest and the irritation in his mind.

Victor needed a break and Yuuri needed one too. It wasn’t from each other – not entirely.  Victor needed to get his head back where it belonged. He needed to cool his skin and rest his soul. Yuuri needed to think of the situation with Vicchan. He had to get his head to focus too rather than look at all the problems around him. He had to ease his mood and take a breath. It was best for them both that they be alone for a little while.

Victor adventured around his lake. If he ever needed to cool down, his lake was the best place for him to go. It relaxed his body and soul – easing it into an eternal peace as he watched life go by. He noticed the people that walked by, watching each unique person tread past him. And Victor realized for the first time in a long while that he didn’t recognize as many as he used to. He always had his regulars at his lake – Yuuri was one of them – but the people who walked by were known to him. He had never seen their faces before.

He had been away from his lake longer than he realized.

He stayed for a while and began to recognize a few people. There was the old couple who took their daily trip around the lake every day without fail. He recognized the young girl with ink on her skin and unnatural hair. He had even seen Yakov walking along the pathway with his companion running behind. There were the few he knew but in the majority, he didn’t.

He took some time out of his day to say hello to Yakov and to give Makkachin a fuss. It had been a while since he spoke to the man. He didn’t have a lot to say but he had wanted to say thank you for giving Yuuri a home. It was only fair that he thanked the man himself. It wouldn’t have become a reality if it wasn’t for Yakov.

Their conversation was short but it was sweet. Yakov gave him a quick review of his year and Victor told him as much as he could about his own. It wasn’t much, but again, it wasn’t a long conversation. Yakov hadn’t done much other than help Yuuri build the home and fish in his spare time. Victor learned that Yakov had more spare time than he thought. He delved into fishing not long after his divorce. Victor’s heart went out for the man. He hoped him the best, and Yakov did too.

He didn’t stay long. While he didn’t have a lot to say, it wasn’t why he chose to leave so soon. His mind was elsewhere and he couldn’t focus on Yakov’s own stories. He could only think back to Yuuri, wondering if he was beginning to wonder where Victor had gone. He had been away for most of the day. Vicchan was absent from Yuuri’s life and Victor didn’t want to be either.

Victor said his goodbyes when the sun was high in the sky. The clouds trailed past, leaving wake a clear blue sky. He had a spring in his step and a smile on his face as he walked back through the forest. His head was a thousand times lighter and a slight weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

He wasn’t completely happy. There were still many things dragging behind him, but the break he had that day felt like a temporary escape. His mind eased for the first time in a long while and he was able to go back to being what he always knew, and doing what he could only do. He was nothing but a spirit again – unknown and unseen.

But if Victor was given the chance to go back to that life or spend the rest of it with Yuuri, he would choose Yuuri in a heartbeat.

When Yuuri’s home appeared from behind the trees, Victor smiled to himself. He wanted nothing more than to cuddle up to Yuuri’s warm side, find comfort in his company and kiss him until his lips knew nothing but the feel of Yuuri’s own. He strode forward, wanting to get to Yuuri fast, but he came to a sudden stop when he heard a noise that sounded familiar.

He paused and listened.

A bark came from inside Yuuri’s house. Victor’s mind clicked in an instant, identifying the noise as Vicchan. He recognized his bark and Victor was delighted that Vicchan was back.

His delight was short lived as his mind then pieced everything together. There was only one way Vicchan would be back by Yuuri’s side. It didn’t settle too well in Victor’s gut. He closed his eyes and breathed in a deep breath to prepare himself. And without a single hesitant thought, he phased through the wall and was inside the warmth of Yuuri’s home.

His blood ran cold when he saw Georgi sat on Yuuri’s couch with a warm drink in hand. Yuuri was beside him with his own mug in hand and Vicchan sat on his lap. But then his blood boiled at the sight. His lips twisted into a harsh scowl and his fists clenched tightly. Georgi was _not_ supposed to be there. It took Victor a lot not to reveal himself and push the man away.

But Victor kept his eyes focused on Yuuri, watching him to make certain he was okay.

 “So, you found him wandering around the forest?” Yuuri asked. There was skepticism in his voice. Victor assumed Georgi hadn’t long arrived. Yuuri was still asking questions.

Georgi took a sip from his drink before nodding. “Hm, yes, he was along near where all the homes are far up north.”

It was that moment that Yuuri’s eyes met Victor’s. His breath hitched and he tore his gaze away fast. He feared Georgi suspecting anything, but Georgi was too focused on his drink to notice Yuuri had looked at another person. It didn’t stop the fear that struck through their chests.

Yuuri cleared his throat and went back to his questions, brow raised and distrust in his eyes. “And what were you doing that far out too?”

There was a pause. “Hiking.” Yuuri’s eyes narrowed and he stayed silent. Yuuri knew it wasn’t true and Victor did too, but Georgi didn’t know. He was unaware that they knew the truth that it was almost laughable.

Yuuri pulled Vicchan close. The companion allowed it, now happy to be back in his owner’s arms. Victor was pleased to see Vicchan was back. He could see in Yuuri’s face that he was too. His eyes would glance down at his companion in his arms and the warm smile on his lips reminded him that Vicchan was back and safe. Yuuri had missed Vicchan. Victor did too.

“This is a very strange place for someone to move to,” Georgi spoke as he looked around the room. His brow was raised in question as he glanced at Yuuri. “May I ask why you decided to move into this forest?”

“You’re very interested in my life,” Yuuri commented, making Georgi shift uncomfortably in his seat. Victor had to smile at Yuuri’s confidence. He wasn’t panicking or worrying. His words were smooth and his voice was strong. “Give me a reason why I should tell you, a stranger, why I moved here?”

Georgi cleared his throat and placed his drink on the side. “Just curiosity is all.”

The silence that followed hung thick. Victor kept his eyes on Yuuri and stood between the two. He needed to check on Georgi too and make sure he didn’t do anything or try something. His main focus was on Yuuri. He had to be sure Yuuri was okay. He didn’t doubt Yuuri had the situation well handled, but it was just in case.

“I’m an artist,” Yuuri eventually spoke, taking Victor by surprise. He had expected Yuuri to lie. “This place helps me think. It’s quiet and peaceful, makes painting and drawing feel easier.”

Georgi didn’t reply. He let the silence return and Yuuri fumbled with his own drink, trying to distract his mind from the quietness that made even Victor uncomfortable. He shifted where he stood and Yuuri drank his drink. They didn’t know what to do or say.

“Do you believe in ghost stories?”

Georgi’s voice startled them both. They were quick to look at him with wide eyes. Victor’s heart raced in his chest, beating fast against his palm that was pressed against it. He turned his eyes back to Yuuri who was shaking his head fast.

“No, no. I – uh. I can’t say I do.”

Victor continued to applaud his confidence.

“Well, it is believed that a spirit haunts this forest and the lake,” Georgi began to explain. Yuuri shot Victor a quick glance that roughly translated to, _we already know this_. In the mix of tension, it made Victor smile. “The spirit is named Victor and he died here many years ago. He haunts this lake from his attachment to it in his living life.”

Victor’s brows dropped. Georgi’s description had changed since the last time he heard it. It didn’t follow Mila’s made up story anymore. He wondered if, during their argument, he decided to follow his own story and had taken a lucky guess. He may have figured it out by himself. Victor didn’t know and it bothered him more than he wanted it too. One guess made him shiver with fear, and it wasn’t from a lucky guess.

Yuuri raised a brow and asked sternly, “Why are you telling me this?”

Georgi’s smile was supposed to be polite but it annoyed Victor more than it should have. “I am a Paranormal Investigator,” He announced and Victor couldn’t hold back the roll of his eyes. “If you don’t mind, I would like to ask you a few questions about this spirit and if you have any connection to him.”

“Yuuri, don’t,” Victor spoke without realizing. He was shaking his head but Yuuri wasn’t looking at him. His eyes stayed focused on Georgi, narrowed and full of question. Victor knew Yuuri wouldn’t tell Georgi anything but he couldn’t help but worry. It didn’t ease the pounding in his chest or the tug in his gut.

“And what if I don’t want to answer them?” Yuuri asked. Victor let out a breath of relief, but fear continued to rush through him.

“Then I will have to suspect you.”

Victor didn’t know what to say or do. And from Yuuri’s silence, he assumed Yuuri was the same. Victor didn’t want Georgi to suspect Yuuri but Yuuri wasn’t going to tell him the truth either. They were stuck, uncertain how they were going to continue on from those words. Victor’s mind went blank. He didn’t have any ideas.

But when Yuuri’s eyes darkened and he pulled Vicchan close, he had found something to say.

“I appreciate you returning my dog,” Yuuri began and Victor wondered how he would continue. “I don’t, however, respect you coming into my home and accusing me of hiding something from you. Whatever this paranormal stuff is, I don’t appreciate you suspecting me of hiding anything.”

Georgi held his stare. “Then give me a reason not to suspect you.”

There was a long pause where neither turned their stare away. Victor glanced at them, wondering who would speak first and what would be said. He was quaking with nerves and the seconds passed too slowly. He took a deep breath.

Vicchan suddenly jumped from Yuuri’s lap and he was standing up. His finger pointed towards the door and in a firm voice, Yuuri said, “Get out of my house.”

Georgi held up his hands in defense. “Listen, just hear me out,” He said as he stood to his feet. “I’m desperate to find this ghost. He’s my only chance of getting anywhere. I’ve been stuck in this same spot for years and I’m desperate to get out of it. Please, just give me a chance and I promise you, you’ll never see me again.”

Victor didn’t believe him. Georgi was trying to guilt trip Yuuri into giving him information. He was trying to make Yuuri feel sorry for him but it wouldn’t work. Yuuri knew more than to tell him about Victor. Victor reminded himself that. And he knew Georgi would not give this up if Yuuri told him any kind of information. After everything he heard from Mila - their argument, and many discussions from before - Georgi wouldn’t quit. If Yuuri told him anything, it would only encourage Georgi to continue his search.

“Yuuri, don’t give him the time,” Victor said as he moved closer to him. Yuuri didn’t look at him but he could see he was trying hard not to. “Yuuri, just get him out. He won’t quit unless you do. Please.”

Victor could see it in Yuuri’s face that he was conflicted. He shook his head but Yuuri’s expression didn’t change. Yuuri then sighed heavily and sat back down on the couch. He looked up at Georgi and with a stare that held defeat, he said, “Fine, but can only ask me one question, then you have to leave.”

Victor was trying hard to believe in Yuuri but those words made it much harder to do so. He wanted to trust Yuuri’s words. He wanted to believe that whatever he had planned would work but Victor couldn’t see a positive outcome. He just wanted Georgi away from them, yet Yuuri allowed him longer than he was welcome

He hoped that whatever Yuuri did have planned wouldn’t make Georgi more determined to find him. He took a deep breath as he watched Georgi sit back down, calming his frustration and anger. He had to sit back and pray for the best.

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Georgi spoke but Yuuri didn’t reply. He held his stare, sharp and stern. Georgi cleared his throat. “Only one question? You’re really making this difficult for me.”

“You disrespected me,” Yuuri snapped with his arms crossed. His eyes shot daggers. “If you hadn’t, I might have been more cooperative.”

Georgi took a deep breath. “I guess that’s fair.”

“So, let’s get this over with,” Yuuri said, hand waving towards Georgi to hurry him up.

Georgi turned and reached for his bag beside him. He then pulled out what appeared to be a camera and held it in his hands. “I can ask many people if they’ve seen a spirit, but I can’t get anywhere if nobody knows what he looks like.” He turned his attention to the camera. He clicked a button and it came to life. “My medium lied to me about his looks. In a recent picture I had taken, I found that he has short, silver hair and blue eyes.”

A pin drop was heard. Even above the sudden gasp that escaped Victor’s lips, the room was uncomfortably silent. His heart pounded hard and his breath shook as he breathed in a deep breath. He caught Yuuri glancing at him quickly before turning his eyes back to Georgi. He understood the look.

Yuuri blinked once. Then twice. “A recent picture?”

He passed his camera to Yuuri, showing him the picture. Victor moved behind Yuuri, curious to see what image Georgi had somehow gotten of him. And the moment his eyes fell on the image, he gasped.

It was distorted but the shimmer of his outline was fairly clear. His body was ghostly – white and faded, like smoke caught in the wind. His face was the clearest. His features were more defined and his colors were clear. He could see the blue in his eyes, his pale skin, and the platinum of his hair. He’d have been more shocked if he weren’t so intrigued by the way he looked. It had been so long since he’d seen what he look like. He had long forgotten.

“…Oh,” Yuuri blinked. He didn’t know what to say either. He handed the camera back, unable to find any proper way to reply. There wasn’t anything they could say.

But Georgi looked eager. “Have you seen him?” He asked fast, excited in his assumption that Yuuri was going to tell him something.

“No, no. No, not at all,” Yuuri said quick. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. “I – uh, I’ve never seen someone like this before.” Georgi stayed silent and Yuuri met his stare for just a moment. He took a deep breath, calming his sudden nerves. “Like we promised, it’s time for you to leave.”

Georgi nodded and they both stood. Yuuri didn’t waste a moment to head to the door. Georgi followed behind but his steps weren’t as fast as Yuuri’s. Victor noticed his pace. He was in a hurry. Victor understood that he might want Georgi out but he didn’t expect Yuuri to be so quick getting him to leave. He wondered why.

The door opened but Georgi didn’t leave just yet. He turned to Yuuri. “Thank you for hearing me out,” He said with a nod. “I think maybe I will…”

He paused. His eyes squinted, focusing on something behind Yuuri. He focused for a moment then suddenly, his eyes grew wide. He was looking right at Victor.

Victor shook his head. There was no possible way Georgi could see him. But the longer he held his stare, the more his fear traveled through his veins. He refused to let it reach his face or muscles. He wasn’t going to show his fear. He refused to – especially in front of Georgi.

He watched Yuuri turn to look behind him. He knew Yuuri could see him but he continued to pretend. “I thought you were leaving?” Yuuri asked as Georgi stepped forward. He moved slowly, coming closer and closer to Victor but he did not move. He walked past Yuuri, ignoring his words and questions and as he came face to face with Victor, he let out a shaky breath.

“This is…” His words fell silent. “Are you seeing this?”

Victor’s eyes shot towards Yuuri who was already staring back at him. He saw Yuuri mouth ‘I’m sorry’ but Victor didn’t blame Yuuri for this. It wasn’t his fault. He had tried and it was all he could do.

“No,” Yuuri lied. He crossed his arms and moved forward. “What is it?”

Georgi raised a hand and Victor trembled on the spot. He couldn’t move. “He’s like… a shimmer,” Georgi whispered as his hand came closer. Victor’s breath shook as he watched Georgi’s hand come closer. “The air is moving but… I can see him.”

Those were the only words Victor had to hear before he was gone. He moved back and focused his energy on his own soul, dispersing before Georgi’s eyes and forcing himself to become unseen. Georgi’s hand reached out, desperate to grab Victor. He reached forward and Yuuri did too. Victor gasped as a hand stopped right in front of his face, but it didn’t move. Everything came to a stop and then Victor’s mind caught up with the scene.

Yuuri’s hand was grasped around Georgi’s wrist. They were both frozen on the spot – Georgi from his surprise, and Yuuri from his anger. He didn’t loosen his grip and his expression didn’t falter. He held his stare, threatening and ready to pounce if need be.

“Get out of my house,” Yuuri demanded, his voice stern.

But Georgi didn’t move. His eyes were wide as he stared at Yuuri and just above a whisper, he said, “You’re… you’re the person he’s attached himself to, aren’t you?”

Everything in Victor’s mind came crashing down in a heap. He couldn’t think, speak, or move. He was stuck, staring between Yuuri and Georgi with a horrible pull in his chest and tears prickling his eyes.

“No, I’m not,” Yuuri scowled as he released his grip. It was again, a lie, but it was needed. Yuuri stepped back towards the door and grabbed the handle, pulling the door further open. “I said get out of my house.”

Georgi didn’t say a word. He only stared at Yuuri and even his expression was unreadable. Something was going through his mind and whatever it was, Victor did not like it. It was only a recipe for trouble. Georgi was planning something and the fact that neither knew what it could be made them fear it the most.

There was a sudden smile on his lips. “Alright,” He said before walking towards the door. Victor thought he was finally leaving but he paused in the doorway. He turned slowly, eyes falling onto Yuuri. “I won’t forget our conversation or what I saw. If you truly have nothing to do with him, you won’t see me.”

“And if I do?” Yuuri asked, crossing his arms, and raising a curious brow.

His smile widened. “Then we will meet again.”

Victor’s mind went silent. His eyes unfocused and fear struck his heart like a knife. He heard the door slam shut but he couldn’t focus. He couldn’t breathe. His hands were pressed against his mouth, trying to hide his fearful gasps and cries.

Georgi knew he was there. He had seen a hint of Victor in that sudden moment and he knew he was real. He knew Victor was there inside Yuuri’s house. He was suspicious of Yuuri now and Victor couldn’t stop blaming himself. If he hadn’t watched the conversation unfold, he wouldn’t have been seen. He should have just left them to have a discussion.

He should have known it was possible for him to be seen. He’s a spirit. He should have known.

And those words repeated in his mind. ‘I won’t forget our conversation or what I saw’. He would never forget. He would never leave Victor alone and Victor could deal with that. If Georgi followed him until the day Georgi died, he could accept that. He could handle that by himself.

It was knowing that Yuuri was involved. His living, breathing Yuuri. His lover, his best friend, his everything and more, was now involved in his problem. He had sworn that he wouldn’t let Georgi find Yuuri. He had failed. He was a failure who couldn’t even keep his promise to his lover.

“Victor?” Yuuri said loudly. Victor’s mind snapped back for a moment, turning to look at Yuuri. His eyes were searching the room. “Victor, where are you?”

Dread replaced fear. Yuuri couldn’t see him anymore.

But Victor wasn’t going to let that defeat him. He refused to fall even further down. He breathed in a deep breath and focused on nothing but getting himself seen again. He forced his energy back into his soul, refilling it once again and allowing himself to become stronger – yet, he never felt weaker. He was drained, tired, and as he came back into existence, there were warm hands on his face.

 “Victor,” He heard Yuuri’s voice. The warm hands cupped his cheek, a thumb stroked his cheekbone. His eyes focused only on the chocolate browns of Yuuri’s eyes – his comfort. “Victor, please, calm down.”

“He knows,” Victor pulled his hands down to whisper. They pressed against his chest, attempting to ease the pounding. “Yuuri, he – he knows about us – about me! Yuuri, I –”

“Victor,” Yuuri’s words forced his to be silent. He sucked in a deep breath and held it. “There’s nothing he can do. Even if he gets a full picture of you, nobody will believe him. I promise, I’ll try and stop him as much as I can. He won’t ever find you. I won’t let him.”

Victor squeezed his eyes shut and did the one thing he desperately needed to do. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri and grasped at the back of his shirt to pull him close. Neither hesitated to fall into the warm embrace. It was needed. They were both desperate for the comfort and Victor let out the breath he was holding.

“I didn’t want him to get to you,” Victor mumbled against Yuuri’s neck. He felt the embrace tighten. “I feel like I failed at keeping you safe. He knows it’s you. He knows I’m with you and he won’t give up, Yuuri.”

“Then he will be wasting his time,” Yuuri replied. Victor wished he had Yuuri’s optimism. “You couldn’t do anything to help. You did all that you could. Don’t blame yourself for something that was my own fault.”

Victor stayed silent. He wanted to argue back but his mind was too tired. He was drained. His energy was gone and his mind went to mush. All he wanted was to stay in that embrace and pretend his problems didn’t exist. It had been so long since anything happened to him. He wasn’t used to the drama.

But in Yuuri’s arms, he was able to switch off. He was safe. And Yuuri would be too. He would make sure of that.

 

_I am not reckless. I am not ambiguous. I know what I am doing. You were seen for a reason, and you will understand soon._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life likes to make me busy! I'm sorry for the delay in this chapter. I will admit though, I did rewrite half of this chapter so I could have gotten it up sooner. My fault, really! And I'm also sorry for the delay in replying to everyone's comments! I will get to it soon, I promise! ((´д｀))


	14. Chapter 14

~~~~

_“I don’t quite understand why you came back.”_

_Victor stared at his mother from across the table. His hands clasped in front of him, resting against it as his brows dropped in question. “I told you,” He said. “As much I know you don’t like me, you still looked after me all these years.”_

_His mother huffed a single laugh and smirked as she said, “I did, didn’t I?”_

_Victor chewed his lip with anxiety. He breathed in a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had been nervous to speak to her again and so far, it was going… okay._

_“That is something that I don’t understand myself,” Victor said as he wiped his clammy hands on his pants. His mother raised a brow. “I – uh… I know that you don’t like me. You might even hate me more than I know… But there was something about that which makes me wonder why you kept me when you never wanted me to begin with. I think I deserve to know.”_

_She was unmoving. Her stare didn’t shift and her eyes held daggers. Victor shifted in his seat in discomfort. She then sat forward and Victor watched her lip curl into a frown before she spoke the few words he had been afraid to hear._

_“It’s because of who you are.” Victor stayed silent. He didn’t know what to say. “I had suspected nobody told you and I’m glad they didn’t.”_

_Victor knew he was different, but there was more to it. “Told me what?” He demanded. His mother didn’t rush._

_“My mother warned me of a child like you,” She spoke harshly. Victor sat up, needing to move away from her stare. “It was said that the day a baby boy with white hair and blue eyes is born, he will curse our village into an eternal winter and it will never end until he takes the life of everyone. And the day you were born was the first day we saw snow.”_

_Victor had nothing to say. Everything finally made sense to him. It was the reason the villagers hated him – why they called him a monster and wanted him gone. They feared he would bring a blizzard and never stop until he killed every one of them._

_And in that moment, all Victor could think about was how much he wished he could control that. He wanted to make it happen and show them that they should fear him. He wanted to punish them for the years of torture they put him through and laugh as they begged for his mercy._

_But Victor thought back to the villager that yelled at him. He’d be a killer, willingly and knowingly. He would kill innocent children and destroy families from his own bitter hate. He’d become something he didn’t want to be. He’d prove them right._

_He didn’t know if he could do that._

_“You don’t have my eyes, nor your father’s,” She spoke as she stared him up and down, scowling harshly. “I know nobody who has silver hair like yours. I knew the second you were born that you were the curse our village had been waiting for.”_

_“Is that why you hate me?” He asked when his words finally returned to him._

_“No,” She said, shaking her head. “It’s because you took my child away from me. You snatched his life away to live your own. I knew when I saw you that you were not my child.”_

_A rush of anger surged through Victor – bubbling and boiling away in his mind. He clenched his fists and huffed a breath. “Then why bother even keeping me?” He asked through gritted teeth. “Why bother even keeping me alive all these years if I somehow took away the life of a child you expected? Was it to torture me? To despise me and hope that I end whatever curse I have myself?” He stormed to his feet, kicking the chair back as he yelled, “Tell me the truth! Why did you even bother keeping me all these years?!”_

_His mother didn’t even flinch. She was unmoving and unblinking as she stared at him with the cold, hard glare he was so used to seeing. She then stood on her own two feet, crossed her arms, and said, “Because I couldn’t kill a child.”_

_“And now?”_

_She never answered._

_“Come with me, Victor,” She said as she moved towards the door. Victor stared at her, uncertain what she was planning. She paused when she noticed Victor wasn’t moving and looked at him. “Are you coming or not?”_

_“Where are you taking me?” He demanded an answer. He wasn’t going anywhere with her unless he could say confidently that it was safe for him to walk with her._

_“You like ice skating, yes?” She asked and Victor blinked rapidly, taken back that she knew one of his pass times. He nodded and she smiled dimly. “Perhaps we can take a visit to that lake of yours. You clearly need to calm down.”_

_“And then we will continue our talk?” Victor asked and his mother nodded._

_“Yes. We will continue our talk.”_

* * *

 

“Do you think he’s outside?”

Victor narrowed his eyes, scanning the forest through the window. He could see nothing but the tall trees and wind rustling the world in front of him. When he deemed it safe, he sighed in relief and shook his head. “No. I can’t see him.”

Yuuri came up beside him. He looked out the window himself, just to be certain. He hummed. “Perhaps he’s given up today?”

A week had passed since that day with Georgi. A week where they saw him every day, wandering around their area with a camera in hand and the intention of finding Victor. They honestly thought he wouldn’t make his reappearance for a while but it seemed he was eager.

Vicchan found him first. It was the morning after that day and Yuuri let Vicchan out to use the bathroom. The companion did his business but didn’t come inside. That was when Yuuri saw Georgi in the distance, his camera facing their home and preparing to take a photo.

But the second he noticed Yuuri had seen him, he bolted in the opposite direction.

They didn’t expect him to try again the next day but he had. Victor was walking back from visiting his lake when he saw Georgi searching the area. He tried not to panic but the second his eyes fell on Georgi’s camera, he decided quickly that he’d rather take the long way around than risk walking past him.

He didn’t know when Georgi had taken that first photo of him but he was determined not to have a second.

It became repetition. Every morning they’d find him somewhere in the area or near their home and both were getting more annoyed day by day. Yuuri was beginning to stress eat and Victor was bottling it up – pushing it as far back in his mind as possible. He was refusing to let it get to him, but the longer it remained inside his mind, the more it bothered him.

Yuuri mentioned that he should report Georgi to the police. It was stalking and Georgi was technically trespassing on Yuuri’s property. He decided against it, however, when he didn’t know how to explain to the police that he had a ghost boyfriend who Georgi was so dedicated finding for his paranormal research. He could imagine them laughing at him at it getting them nowhere.

“Or maybe Yakov scared him away,” Victor said with a smug grin on his face.

They had told Yakov about Georgi after they had enough of seeing his face. Yuuri invited him over and they told him everything. Yakov was quick to jump to their defense. “I could have a talk with him,” Yakov said, determined and ready. “I’ll tell him exactly what I think. Neither of you deserves to be stalked.” They both agreed, hoping that Yakov could help.

And by the lack of Georgi’s appearance the day after, they could only assume.

“Let’s hope so,” Yuuri replied. “I just want a day where he isn’t out there, watching us.”

Victor hummed and agreed. “It makes love making feel rather uncomfortable.” He watched Yuuri’s cheeks turn rosy and he couldn’t help but smile warmly. He pulled Yuuri in for a kiss, just to feel his warm lips against his own and help him ease his blush. Yuuri wasn’t used to that kind of talk – not yet. “Perhaps today, we can finally make love in peace?”

Yuuri eyes turned dark with desire. He curled an arm around Victor’s waist, pulling him close as a hand brushed through his hair. Victor smiled as his own needs burned deep within. When Yuuri’s confidence burst through and surprised Victor in those sudden moments, he could never help himself. He glanced at Yuuri’s lips and his eyes. When he saw Yuuri’s lips curl into a soft grin, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

They met halfway for a desperate and needy kiss. His lips pressed hard against Yuuri’s before going in for another, letting it linger longer than the last. He was then moving back until he fell against the wall. They broke apart for just a moment as their foreheads pressed together. Victor focused on not falling through the wall, but also on the heat that surrounded Yuuri and the soft caress of his lips. Yuuri took that moment to breathe but neither hesitated as their lips met again and their mouths opened against each other.

They needed the privacy. It had been too long and Victor couldn’t go a day longer without Yuuri’s touch. Making love hadn’t felt the same knowing that somebody was outside, stalking around the home with the intention of catching the sight of them. It didn’t feel right. They felt like their privacy had been snatched away from them and forced to go on hold.

But now, life was silent. The world slipped away, the forest was silent, and their home was filled with light moans of pleasure as Yuuri lips trailed down Victor’s neck. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself as he grasped the back of Yuuri’s shirt and caressed his hands over Yuuri’s hips. His head fell back as he sighed, letting Yuuri’s lips do as they please. They needed that privacy and nothing was going to tear it away from them anymore.

_Knock, knock._

They froze at the sound. Yuuri met Victor’s eyes before they turned towards the door. Victor’s heart raced and for more than just one reason. There was another knock. It hit harder that time, more demanding for someone to open the door. Victor had enough. He had gone for too long without a proper session with Yuuri and he wasn’t going to let the unknown stranger ruin it for him.

He gripped Yuuri’s chin and turned his head to meet his stare. He could see Yuuri was unsure what to do but Victor knew _exactly_ what he wanted to do. He couldn’t hold back any longer. His lips met Yuuri’s once again, desperate to keep them there and pretend the person knocking did not exist. It was just him and Yuuri – alone and in love.

But Yuuri didn’t want it. He made a muffled noise against Victor’s lips and pulled back quicker than Victor kissed him. “Victor,” Yuuri breathed before shaking his head, telling Victor that now wasn’t a good time. “It might be important.”

“But your beloved is in need of your touch!” Victor exclaimed. “I’ve gone too long without it!”

“We made love yesterday,” Yuuri mentioned and Victor knew that, he just wasn’t going to admit it. He tried hard not to sulk but he couldn’t help himself. He pouted as their eyes met, and hoped to sway Yuuri’s choice.

There was another knock at the door. Vicchan barked at the intruder, annoyed that nobody had dealt with it yet and Yuuri pulled away, finally making his choice.

Victor wasn’t mad but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t upset. He wanted them to make love but that wasn’t going to happen anymore. He moved to the corner of the room and arms crossed, visibly sulking as Yuuri unlocked the door and pulled it open. Cold air rushed through the open door, cooling the room to Victor’s liking. It didn’t make him feel better.

“Can I help you?” Yuuri asked the stranger in the doorway. Victor’s sulking was replaced by curiosity as he glanced at the door, wondering who it could be. He went to look but paused when he heard a familiar voice – one he trusted and hadn’t heard in a while.

“Hello, my name is Mila,” Mila introduced and Victor didn’t fear to show himself anymore. He moved forward. “I know you may not trust me, but I’m sure Victor will change your mind about me when I say I need to talk to you two.”

Yuuri looked at Victor, needing to have him confirm her words. Victor nodded as he moved beside Yuuri. He glanced at Mila who waved at him when he appeared. He couldn’t help but wonder why she decided to make an appearance, but either way, he waved back and smiled.

“She’s safe, Yuuri,” He said to ease the tension in his shoulders. His hand touched the low of Yuuri’s back, letting him know even without his words that they were fine. “I trust her.”

Yuuri was a little reluctant at first. It was mostly from caution, but he eventually moved aside to let Mila in. She gave a polite nod as she walked inside. Yuuri glanced outside for just a moment, checking to be sure she was alone before closing it behind him and locking it.

Victor and Mila had already made themselves comfortable on the couch when Yuuri walked over. He sat beside Victor, but closest to Mila. His body got in the way of the light conversation they began and Victor had to look around Yuuri so he could see Mila.

He wondered why Yuuri had gotten in the way but then he put it together. Yuuri was trying to protect him. He put himself between him and Mila but Victor didn’t worry. Mila was safe and he hoped Yuuri would soon realize that.

“So, what brings you to speak to Victor?” Yuuri asked with demand in his voice. Victor’s hand gripped Yuuri’s shoulder and squeezed lightly, hoping to calm the tension he hadn’t yet eased.

“I came here to speak to the both of you,” She corrected and Yuuri stayed silent. “I feel I should let you both know everything that I know. It’s about Georgi.”

They met each other’s eyes, sharing the same alarmed expression. They looked back at Mila and Victor had to ask about it. If they could learn anything about Georgi that could help them understand him or discourage him from finding Victor, they’d want to know in a heartbeat.

“What about him?” Victor asked. His voice trembled slightly and he cleared his throat. He wasn’t afraid – not anymore.

Mila held her stare, unmoving and still. “There’s more to Georgi than you realize.”

“We gathered,” Yuuri spoke, startling Victor from his thoughts. His mind had rushed to hundreds of possible theories about Georgi, many of which were silly and unlikely, but some were… possible. “There’s more to him than just someone who wants to find a spirit, isn’t there? I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

Victor’s eyes moved to Yuuri. He hadn’t realized Yuuri was thinking a lot about Georgi and his motive. He hadn’t done that much himself. He thought Georgi was just obsessive over spirits. He hadn’t even considered the idea that it could be something more. He sat forward, curious to hear what Mila had to tell.

“I have too. I was trying to work it out while I was working with him, but now this has happened, I finally have my answer,” She straightened her back as she spoke. Victor could see she was confident in her findings. “But first, I want to explain something.”

“Okay?” Yuuri said.

“It’s not easy seeing a spirit,” She began. Both stayed silent, wanting to listen to her explanation. “They usually hide themselves out of fear, but they mostly don’t realize that they can allow themselves to be seen.” Victor’s brows dropped, thinking hard about it. “But when you can see a spirit, it’s usually about how spiritually open you are. I am very open. I am a medium after all. I can access even the deepest parts of the spirit realm and learn things that nobody else can. People like Georgi, however, are limited. They can only see so far, but that doesn’t mean he can’t see at all.”

There was a point there but Victor struggled to find it. His mind was mostly focused on her first point – how spirits don’t realize they can allow themselves to be seen. He didn’t remember if he knew that or not. Anything before Yuuri had become a blurred memory – a repetition of days that didn’t seem to change. His life felt so dull before Yuuri, but the peace and silence he sometimes wished to return to.

“What do you mean?” He finally asked. It was about Georgi now. They were going to learn something new.

“I mean he can see spirits and he has once before. How else did you think he got into ghost hunting?” Victor hadn’t thought of that and by the way Yuuri’s brows raised, he didn’t either. “He saw a ghost as a child and it changed his life ever since.”

“Does this have anything to do with me?” Victor asked, wondering if that was another reason why she was there. It seemed like she was hinting at it. “That must be why he’s desperate to find me.”

“You’re not some average ghost we’ve tried searching for. You’re the strongest spirit I have ever met – that any of us have met, for that matter.” Victor blinked rapidly, taken back by Mila’s words. He knew he was stronger than most spirits. He was a seasonal spirit, after all. He had to be, but it still shocked him. “Because of that experience Georgi had as a child, he wants to do more than find a spirit. He wants to desperately learn about your world. He wants to access it and learn all its secrets. He can’t do what I can do, so he has to work with what he’s got. That’s why I believe he really wants to find you.”

There was somewhat a relief that Georgi’s intentions in finding him wasn’t going to hurt Yuuri in any way or reveal him to the world. He was thankful for that. But he couldn’t have Georgi trying to learn about his world. He wasn’t an average spirit. He wasn’t s ghost. He was a seasonal spirit.

He understood his season more than anyone and he was the only one who did. It was more than a liking. He had a deep bond with his season that went further. He understood the way it moved and acted. He knew where each snowflake would fall and hear the light crunch of ice as it froze. He could encourage a snow day just because he wanted one. He could discourage a frosty morning with just a willing thought and a confirmation from Mother Earth.

He was more than an average spirit. He lived a world that only very few knew. The wind outside howled and whistled against the windows. Mother Earth was speaking.

“Nobody else can learn about my world,” Victor spoke and the wind fell silent. “I’ve only told Yuuri about it but I was given permission to. They helped me prove it to him.”

Mila raised a brow. “You’re not an average spirit, are you?” Victor nearly choked on his own breath. He cleared his throat and met Yuuri’s eyes, silently begging for him to change the subject. “You’re something more…”

But as Victor listened, the wind did not protest. It didn’t whistle against the windows or throw a gale in anger. It remained silent and Victor wondered if this was permission to say yes. Mother Earth was being silent. He could only assume he was allowed to agree.

“Yes,” He finally said, and the world continued to stay still.

“You’re a strong spirit, Victor. But you don’t always make the choice to be seen, do you?” Victor blinked, unsure how to respond. He wondered how long she had thought about everything. “I know Georgi saw you. He blabbed about it on his blog. When I read it, I couldn’t understand why you would let yourself be seen by him but then I realized maybe you didn’t. It goes further than that, doesn’t it? There’s a higher force that’s making that decision for you. For a reason.”

Victor didn’t understand how Mila had such a good reading on him but he wasn’t going to question it. He assumed it was her mediumship that took part in the answers too. He had to applaud her, even if he didn’t fully understand her. “What do you mean?”

“It’s strange,” She said as she cocked her head. “Think about it. All the people who can see you have helped you in some way. The people who cannot, have not and will not help you. Those who can have all see you clearly but when Georgi saw you, he only saw an outline, like smoke or mist. Why didn’t he see all of you like everyone else can?”

Victor went to speak but Yuuri had before him. “Is this to do with the higher force?” He asked, glancing from Mila to Victor.

“I believe so,” Mila said as she met Victor’s eyes. It was almost as if to get his confirmation on her assumption, but Victor couldn’t say with confidence that she was right. He didn’t know what Mother Earth had planned for him. He wasn’t aware that she had anything planned. “Something is guiding you to a new future. I can’t sense it but I know it surrounds you. It protects you and looks after you like a mother. That’s what I discovered.”

As Victor reflected on everything Mila had told him, he was certain about something. Mother Earth protected him, unlike the woman he called his mother for twenty-seven years.

“You’ve thought a lot about this, haven’t you?” Yuuri said before Victor did. He was thinking the exact same thing.

But he was thinking more than just that.

Mila’s findings made him question more about himself than ever before. He was aware that he could disappear when he wanted – that was discovered the day Georgi saw him. But when Victor thought back to that moment, he wondered if he was even aware himself if he knew how to do that or not. He never had to do it before but it was such an automatic thought.

It made him question if Mother Earth _did_ have something planned for him – something that was unknown to him. If it was a new future, he hoped Yuuri was in it. If it were to help his loneliness diminish and weaken from its tight grasp around his chest, he’d take that too. If Mother Earth had anything planned for him or not, he hoped it wouldn’t come between him and his Yuuri.

Mila left not long after. She expressed that if Georgi were to return, it wouldn’t be good for any of them. She advised them to continue ignoring him and as hard as that one, they promised to try. They then said their goodbyes, waving at Mila as she left their home and disappeared into the forest.

When the door was closed and the silence hung, it reminded them that they were finally alone once again. And that time, nobody would interrupt them. Yuuri gave Victor a knowing grin and he didn’t have to question what it meant as he pulled Yuuri into his embrace and kissed him.

Their privacy was back, and neither had any intention of stopping.

 

_I am sorry. But it has to happen._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was there going to be spice? ye  
> will there be? probs not
> 
> We shall see ┐(‘～`；)┌
> 
> Anyway I hoped you enjoyed the chapter! And I hope it makes you guys understand Georgi's motives just a little more.
> 
>    
> #victorprotectionsquad  
>  ~~#stopGeorgi2k17~~  
> 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!!!!!!! Major Character Death warning for this chapter!!!

 

Mila’s words never left Victor’s mind.

Her voice was like a broken record, jumping back and repeating itself on a loop. They echoed in his mind; her suggestions and assumptions, all making Victor ponder the questions he couldn’t answer and wonder his conclusions that didn’t feel right anymore.

His life felt like the moving pictures on Yuuri’s electrical box (That he not long learned was called a Television). It told stories that were far too dramatic and fast-paced for him to concentrate on. Everything would happen all at once and it was exactly how Victor felt.

And much like those stories, there was always that moment where everything came to a halt – where the hero was at a standstill. That was where Victor was, uncertain where to go or what to do next.

So, he did nothing but overthink in hopes he could progress forward.

It didn’t matter where he was or what he was doing, he found his mind would always begin to question and think too much. He could be sitting on the couch with Yuuri and Vicchan, watching something on his television when his mind would slip and he’d stare absentmindedly ahead. He’d be lying in bed with Yuuri who was asleep by his side when he’d suddenly remember something Mila had said and he had to sit down and wonder what she meant. His nights used to be occupied with silly fantasies of a future that didn’t exist, but now, it was of his worries and stress.

Even when they made love, he’d lose focus when an assumption would jump to mind and he’d just have to pause to think about it. He hoped Yuuri didn’t notice he started thinking a lot. He was sure he didn’t, but he wasn’t confident.

After a while, it moved from Mila’s answers to Georgi himself. He still made his appearance every so often and they did all that they could do and ignore him. But the more Victor saw Georgi, the more he wondered.

He felt so stupid for being so scared of Georgi. He had been so fearful of him that he didn’t stop to think maybe Georgi had his own reasons to want to find Victor – that maybe Georgi was the weird kid growing up who was obsessed with spirits instead of snow and that he wanted to prove everyone wrong. In certain ways, he could see himself in Georgi. The dedication and near obsession for the one thing they loved, Victor could understand. He was the same with his season. He gave up a lot in his living life to be with his season, and Georgi had too so he could look for Victor.

But Georgi was a jerk who didn’t know when to stop. He didn’t care about Victor. He only cared about finding him. He showed no sympathy for his death or letting him live the rest of his life in peace. He even risked angering Victor just so he could get his evidence. He was selfish and greedy and Victor couldn’t find it in himself to feel sorry for Georgi just yet. They may be similar in some ways, but that didn’t excuse what Georgi had said and done.

Georgi wanted to discover Victor’s world. And Victor knew no matter what Georgi could do or how often he’d apologize, Victor would never let him know of his world. That was a certainty. Georgi would have to find another spirit to pester.

Victor knew he had a lot on his mind and maybe talking to Yuuri about them would help, but when a new thought plagued his mind, it became increasingly harder to do so.

His birthday was getting closer. He lost excitement for his birthday years ago. It just felt like another day of haunting where every year, he’d receive no gifts and no attention. He was used to that. He even expected Yuuri to have got him nothing. But sometimes it was more than him not getting the birthday he wanted. It was the dreaded reminder of his death – that his body wasn’t far from where he laid with Yuuri and that he could no longer exist in it like he used to.

Most years the reminder was only minor. But as he laid by Yuuri’s side, he was unable to get his death out of his head.

Everything was piling up in his mind. Mila’s warnings, Georgi’s appearances, and the day of his death was causing a mixture of chaos inside his mind. He was going near insane with every thought that went through his head. It was questions to old conversations, realizations, and the screaming and begging that he cried that day –

_“Please! I – I can’t control this! Stop!”_

He was desperate to distract his thoughts.

He suddenly became enchanted in Yuuri’s painting. He was always stunned to silence when he watched Yuuri paint but it was suddenly different. He would read too far into the painting, picking out what certain colors meant to him and how they made him feel. He’d bother Yuuri with too many questions and assumptions because, for the first time in a while, his mind was focused on something else. As his eyes gaze upon the beautiful array of colors that filled his mind with light and joy, he wouldn’t stress and he wouldn’t worry. He would be happy again, even if it was temporary.

But it was even better seeing the bright smile on Yuuri’s face as he complimented his painting. And even more so when he begins reading into it. Victor could be at his lowest moments but just seeing Yuuri smile would bring him back up again.

It did so much until his birthday and death day was a few days away. He couldn’t focus on anything and his head was thumping. There were too many thoughts all crammed together but he was neither desperate to release them or do something about it. He kept them all in his mind where they wouldn’t bother anyone. He would eventually get out of his slump.

Yuuri was painting that day and it didn’t do much in helping the pounding ache at the back of his head. But regardless of the ache, Victor couldn’t help but wrap his arms around Yuuri’s waist and watch him paint. He rested his head on Yuuri’s shoulder and hummed with delight, feeling just that little bit better doing so.

“What are you painting?” Victor asked as he watched Yuuri glide his brush along the canvas. “It’s beautiful.”

Yuuri paused as he glanced at Victor. “I’m just cleaning my brushes.”

Victor blinked. “…Oh.”

Yuuri laughed lightly, shaking his head as turned back to the canvas. He resumed brushing colorful streaks in a repetitive motion, back and forth and Victor still couldn’t tear his eyes away. His brows hung low. He didn’t understand why Yuuri was cleaning his paintbrushes on a canvas. Victor only ever saw him paint masterpieces on it.

Yuuri never cleaned his brushes like that before, so Victor had to ask. “Why are you cleaning your brushes on a canvas?”

Yuuri continued to paint as he spoke. “Well, it was _going_ to be a painting but I ruined it. You can still see where I started just here-” He pointed to a change of color that didn’t align with his cleaning. Victor hummed in thought, still unsure why Yuuri was using the canvas. “I didn’t want to waste a canvas so I thought why not just clean my brushes on it and see what it looks like?”

“So, you have some intention of making it a work of art?” Victor asked, smiling warmly.

Yuuri paused. “Well, yeah, some.”

Victor nodded as Yuuri reached over and grabbed a new brush. He dipped it in some water that had turned into a murky brown and brushed it over a clean area of the canvas. A hint of green brushed out with a dull yellow color that – as Yuuri painted – became a horrible brown instead. Victor turned his nose up at the color but Yuuri was more satisfied with the result.

“I didn’t expect two colors from that,” He said as he moved to brush it in a different area. The colors had completely blended into a dull muddy green. “This is a problem I found with the brushes I haven’t cleaned in a long time. The colors blend into a brown.”

“But some of them didn’t,” Victor said as his eyes met a bright red and dusky blue. Yuuri hummed with agreement and turned back to his painting. Victor pursed his lips when he had a thought. “Perhaps if you clean them properly before you put them away, you wouldn’t have to clean them all in one go?”

Yuuri stopped painting. He turned and met Victor’s eyes with a raised brow as he said, “Yes, but what artist is ever that clean?” A small grin slowly grew on his face and Victor couldn’t bite back his own. Yuuri then glanced towards his desk. “My work desk is no better.”

His eyes fell to Yuuri’s desk. It had only gotten worse since he had arrived and he wasn’t entirely sure how that was possible. He smiled to himself as he shook his head, letting out a light laugh at Yuuri’s untidiness.

He then caught Yuuri putting down his paintbrush. As he looked, Yuuri turned and met his eyes. Yuuri ran a hand through Victor’s hair, brushing it away from his face as he hummed to himself. “You’ve been thinking a lot, haven’t you?”

Victor blinked rapidly and stuttered, “W-why… why would you think that?”

Yuuri didn’t speak immediately. He chewed on his lip with anxiety, uncertain whether to continue talking. He then took a deep breath. “Was I wrong in my assumption?” He asked. Victor suddenly had the need to spill out every single one of his worries.

He had been thinking a lot. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about them.

His death was the main thought on his mind. He couldn’t get it out of his head. The words that were spoken and the actions that were taken repeated in his mind, rapidly and chaotic with little sympathy. And Victor failed to find a good distraction that day. He couldn’t turn his thoughts away from a time he was alive - when he could breathe, feel, and exist.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No. No, you’re not wrong,” He swallowed thickly. “I just… there’s a lot of questions and, uh… memories going on in my head. They don’t seem to want to stop.”

“Do you want to talk about them?” Yuuri asked when Victor looked up.

His heart warmed but he shook his head. “No. I don’t think I do just yet.”

He appreciated that Yuuri wanted to help. It made him feel that little bit better knowing somebody wanted to help him but he didn’t want to be a burden. He didn’t want to throw his problems onto Yuuri and not be certain if it could even help himself. If he could keep his problems to himself and find a way to cope with them alone, the better it would be.

Yuuri nodded before kissing him lightly. He pulled back and gave Victor a warm smile that sent warmth through Victor and said, “You know where I am if you want to talk.” Victor smiled back and nodded. He always knew where Yuuri was.

Victor thought he was going to be fine. And he was fine until it was Christmas Eve, then suddenly, he was _very_ not fine.

Yuuri had informed Victor of his plans for Christmas. He was to spend the morning with Victor and the evening with his family. He had wanted to see everyone and spend time with them, but he hadn’t wanted to leave Victor alone on his birthday either. Victor didn’t mind that. Yuuri had a busy day ahead of him and his rambling and scrambling around to get everything ready kept Victor’s mind at peace for the first time in a while.

But then night fell and the world was silent. Yuuri was asleep, snoring lightly by Victor’s side and even that wasn’t enough to fill the suffocating silence. There was nothing that could distract Victor’s mind from the memories that plagued him. His questions repeated with demand and his memories replayed like a broken record. They wouldn’t stop no matter how many times Victor told himself to stop thinking about them.

He turned to his side and forced himself to focus on Yuuri.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was soft in his peaceful slumber. Victor wondered if he was dreaming. His fingertips gently touched Yuuri’s hair, feeling the soft strands that he loved to feel between his fingers. His eyes glanced at Yuuri’s lips. They were so soft and warm, much like Yuuri’s skin. It was smooth like fresh snow and reminded Victor of silk. His hand twitched with the want to feel Yuuri’s warmth beneath his palm and remind himself that Yuuri was real, alive, and very much in love with him too. Yuuri as too beautiful for words.

_The walk through the forest was cold as ice. It wasn’t the same cold that comforted Victor with a gentle hug. It was harsh. It bit hard as he walked beside his mother in silence. He stared at her as they walked, cautious, yet no longer afraid of her._

The memories pounced back the second Victor lost focus. He huffed out a breath and pressed his forehead against Yuuri’s chest, breathing heavily to calm the rapid beating of his heart. The smooth material of Yuuri’s shirt was soft against his skin and Victor tried to focus on what he could feel instead. Yuuri’s skin was warm against his cold palm. His breath brushed along his hair. And his eyelashes touched the fabric of Yuuri’s shirt when he blinked. And although it felt strange, he had no reason to stop.

_“Why couldn’t we talk inside?” Victor demanded as he saw the lake come into view. He knew his mother told him to calm down but he didn’t understand why she’d take him to the lake. He huffed out a breath when his mother didn’t reply. “I would have thought someone who was so against me enjoying the cold would rather stay inside in the warmth.”_

_“Don’t be so rude,” She snapped and Victor fell silent._

The memories didn’t stop. It pulled at his chest and brought a lump to his throat. He swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut, desperate to keep back the tears that threatened to spill. He had to grip Yuuri’s shirt tightly in an attempt to keep his cries back. He wasn’t going to cry. He had enough of feeling so emotional. But it wasn’t enough to keep one tear from falling.

He felt so weak – so fragile.

A hand ran through his hair as lips gently touched his head. Victor opened his glassy eyes and glanced up. Yuuri’s eyes were still closed but he was awake. His hand continued to brush through Victor’s hair, attempting to soothe his tears that began to fall. Victor’s arms circled around Yuuri and pulled him close. He needed the comfort and the distraction.

“I know what it’s like to think too much, Victor,” Yuuri murmured lowly. His voice was groggy from sleep and his speech slurred. “I know talking about it doesn’t stop it from happening, but it can help you make sense of whatever is going through your head.”

If talking about it allowed Victor to make any sense of his death, he would do it in a heartbeat. But it was easier said than done. He’s never spoken about his death to anyone. He barely even talked about it to himself – only ever left it in his mind to forget. But he could never forget and he wondered maybe Yuuri was right. If it stopped his memories or not, talking could help him more than he knew.

It was quite possibly a long-awaited conversation but Victor didn’t think of that. He saw this as more than just talking about a subject, but one that he was going to share with one person only – who he trusted and loved with all his heart.

He breathed in a deep, shaky breath before he whispered, “I can’t stop thinking about my death.”

Yuuri eyes blinked open. His brows dropped as his eyes searched through Victor’s, trying to find something to help him find the right words to say. But Victor didn’t care what Yuuri said. If it distracted him from his memories, he wanted to hear it.

“Do… do you want to talk about it?” Yuuri eventually asked.

And for the first time, Victor wanted to. “Yes.”

_They got to the lake. Victor couldn’t help but notice the ice wasn’t so thick that day. If his mother wanted him to ice skate, he would have to stay on the side but even then, he couldn’t. He didn’t have his ice skates._

_And he didn’t want to skate either. He was there to talk and demand more answers. He wasn’t finished speaking with her. Not yet._

_“I don’t want to ice skate,” He said as he turned to his mother. She ignored his comment as she walked closer to the lake, moving dangerously close to where the ice was frozen. Victor moved forward, wondering why she was ignoring him. “I want to talk.”_

“Talking to her was supposed to be the plan,” Victor paused to think. He closed his eyes, sighed hard and shook his head. “I don’t know why she wanted me to calm down when she knew the things she was saying would make me mad.”

Yuuri’s brows dropped. “What things was she saying?” He asked. “Was this before you two got to the lake?”

Victor chewed on his lip as he nodded. He opened his mouth to speak but the words got caught in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a breath. “What kind of a mother tells their child that they’re not their child? That – that I took away the life from the child she was supposed to have?” He asked, desperate for an answer he knew he wasn’t going to get. “I didn’t ask for any of this, Yuuri. I – I didn’t ask to be her child or to have this connection with my season. I asked for nothing and yet, she blamed me for everything that was out of my control.”

_“We are talking,” She snapped back as she held her glare. Victor swallowed hard and moved to stand beside her. They fell in silence for a moment, neither speaking as the world around them fell still. “I had wondered for a long time why you loved this season so much. Explain it to me.”_

“I hope you know that you deserved better than her,” Yuuri said as he ran his hand through Victor’s hair. Victor didn’t know how to reply. “You’re more than what she saw you.”

He was so much more. But that didn’t help him when he was alive.

_Victor blinked as he looked at his mother. Her eyes were focused ahead. Victor took a deep breath and played with his hands. He didn’t know where to begin._

_“Well, I… like the cold,” He began. It was simple. He glanced up at her, waiting for a reaction but she did not move. Then Victor wondered if he wanted a reaction out of her, he would tell her exactly how he felt without hesitation. “It’s the way this season can transform a world into a new wonderland and cast it into a bright white scene that sparkles against the light of the sun.”_

_“That wasn’t what I wanted to hear,” She spoke. Victor narrowed his eyes at her. If she wanted to know more, he was going to say it._

_“It’s connected to me,” He began, holding his stare as he waited for her to react. “I feel its icy bite like a kiss across my skin. I take comfort in the cold wind that surrounds me like a blanket. I can survive the deadliest blizzard because the season loves me too. It cares for me like a mother. It did more for me than you ever did and it cannot even speak. Me and this season are linked in more ways than you will ever know. Is that what you wanted to hear?”_

“I told her exactly how much my season meant to me. She did ask, after all.” He smiled weakly to himself, thinking back to the day. How he had been so stupid. “She didn’t even reply back to what I had said. She changed the subject.”

“What did she say?” Yuuri asked.

_His mother refused to meet his eye. “I didn’t want to love you.”_

“She never liked me. I don’t doubt that on that day, she hated me more than she ever had, but…” He paused to take a deep breath. He reached for Yuuri’s hand that was tangled in his hair and laced their fingers together. He brought their hand down and squeezed lightly. “But she couldn’t stop herself from loving me once.”

_“So, you did love me once?” He asked, waiting for his mother to reply. She stayed silent and Victor’s fists clenched. “Don’t avoid this.”_

_She took a deep breath. “I never wanted to love you. I was so disgusted with myself that day. It was when you ran away and I came looking for you. I should have left you there. It was what you wanted, after all.”_

_Victor remembered that day. He looked around the lake, remembering back when he was young and he first found this place. “I wished you had.”_

_“What did you expect me to do?” She snapped. Victor jumped at the sudden force of her voice. “You asked me if I ever loved you and I couldn’t let you know I did. I may have loved you but I hated you more than death itself. I shouldn’t love a monster. I was a disgrace to everyone.”_

_Her eyes closed as she paused. Victor held his stare, scowling hard as he waited. “If it makes you feel any better…” He paused himself and looked away. “I never loved you back.”_

_“I know what you’re going to do to us,” She suddenly said. Victor glanced back, brow raised in question. “I know you’re going to kill us all someday and yet, I could never come to stop you.”_

“It’s hard not to love you, Victor,” Yuuri said as he tried to smile warmly, but Victor could see the ocean of dread in his eyes.

Victor’s smile was more real. Yuuri’s words warmed him and brought a tear to his eye. He sucked in a deep breath and quickly wiped the tear away. “As much as that’s something I needed to hear, you’re making this just a little harder to talk about.”

_“Pathetic,” Victor spat. He turned to stare across his lake. It felt tainted knowing she was there. “I hope you know it’s my birthday today.”_

_“Born on Christmas Day,” His mother said. “It’s impossible to forget.”_

_Victor huffed out a single laugh. “I don’t suppose you got me anything.” He already knew the answer. His mother shook her head and it was expected. He let out a weak laugh again. “You didn’t want to waste time on me, huh?”_

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri apologized but Victor wasn’t mad. Yuuri brought his hand to his lips and kissed them gently, taking Victor by surprise as he stared and met Yuuri’s eyes. “But just know my statement is very true.”

_His mother didn’t reply because she knew it was true. She didn’t want to waste time on him. They fell silent again. It was thick and heavy between them but neither could find anything to say or ask. Victor kept looking at her, waiting for her to show a single ounce of sympathy towards him. Her expression never changed._

_“Your winters have gotten worse since you left,” Her voice tore through the silence like a knife. “A young girl died a month ago, frozen to death in her own home. A family got caught in a blizzard. We’re slowly starving because our food is low and freezing.” She glared at him with a fiery blaze in her eye and a scowl that was sharp. “We’re dying because of you.”_

“I hope you realize that you love a killer,” Victor muttered. He knew Yuuri wouldn’t turn away from him but he feared Yuuri not realizing the extent he had gone with his season.

But when Yuuri’s warm hand cupped his cheek, he felt nothing but relief and love. “You told me before that you couldn’t control it,” He said and Victor breathed in as he nodded. “It isn’t your fault.”

Yuuri was right, but it was hard not to blame himself.

_Anger grew inside of Victor. It was a flame going out of control, unable to stop spreading as his rage became hotter. “Had it ever occurred to you that maybe I can’t control this?” He snapped at her, turning to face her but she didn’t look his way. She refused to give any answer and it only made Victor’s anger grow. “Had it ever occurred to you that maybe if you treated me kinder – that you saw me like a son and not a monster – that maybe I wouldn’t feel this desperate hatred towards that village and I wouldn’t want a blizzard to hit and kill everyone?”_

_“How could I treat you like a son when you never were my son?” His mother yelled back. Her face was red and her fists clenched so hard that her knuckles turned white. “You’re a monster, Victor. You’re this disgusting creature that stole my son away from me and forced me into accepting you as my child because you knew I could never kill a child!”_

_Victor’s heart stopped in an instant. “What… what do you mean you couldn’t kill a child?” He demanded but she stayed silent. “Tell me now. What do you mean you couldn’t kill –”_

“…What happened?” Yuuri asked with nerves when Victor came to a sudden stop. He swallowed hard, trying to push back the lump in his throat. His chest raced and he saw his hands tremble as he curled them behind Yuuri’s neck to feel the tips of his hair. It was his comfort – a distraction.

_His words fell silent as his mother grabbed his shirt tightly and pulled him close. Her lip was curled into a tight scowl and the blaze in her eyes had grown. Victor did nothing but bask in the hatred he could feel from his mother. He didn’t care for her anymore. She had made it loud and clear that there was no future for the two. She was not worth his time._

“She grabbed me,” Victor said bluntly. It was the easiest part for him to explain. “I could see how much she despised me and I could feel it too. It was like her aura was nothing but hatred and yet, it didn’t scare me.” He paused and took a deep, shaky breath. “I should have seen the sign. She said it herself, she could never kill a child.”

“Victor,” Yuuri’s whisper was filled with terror. His hand squeezed tightly around Victor’s. “What did she do to you?”

“She said something to me first.” Victor breathed in to ease the tugging in his heart.

_And as her grip tightened, not a single ounce of fear ran through Victor. “You were a mistake the moment you were born,” She growled and Victor could only stare._

Yuuri shook his head in an instant. “No, you were never a mistake,” He said fast, rapidly shaking his head side to side. “You are anything but a mistake, Victor. I hope you know that.”

He closed his eyes as he nodded. “I know,” He said. It had taken him a long time to accept that, but he knew now. Her words boomed through his mind and he pressed his lips together tightly, trying to force back the sob that was sat in his throat. When it eased, he breathed in heavily. “That wasn’t even the worst thing she said.”

When Victor met Yuuri’s eyes, he saw fear flood through them as they glazed over. “What did she say?”

_Victor’s mind struggled to catch up as his mother moved fast. His body suddenly hit the cold hard ground. He yelped and went to yell but his words fell silent as a hand grasped his hair. Victor grabbed the wrist holding him, digging his nails into their skin to stop their grip as he was pulled up to his knees._

_The grip didn’t loosen as they tugged his hair back. Victor met his mother’s face staring down at him with cold, dead eyes. And through her gritted teeth, she growled, “I should have drowned you the moment I had the chance.”_

Yuuri’s hand pressed against his mouth, stifling the gasp that escaped his lips. Victor knew he worked it out quick what his mother had done. He could see it in Yuuri’s wide eyes, the way his grief sat heavily in his chest and the gloss of tears that flooded them. He weakly shook his head in disbelief. “She didn’t…”

_He was thrown forward. He hit the icy cold surface of the lake and it only took Victor a second to realize what his mother was about to do. He stared up at her with wide eyes, desperately trying to shake his head but her grip was still in his hair. “P-please, don’t!” He begged but he only saw the flame grow in her eyes._

Victor tried forcing his tears back but as his lip trembled and the memory replayed in his mind, he couldn’t stop them anymore. He pressed his hand to his mouth to hide the sob that escaped his lips but he knew he couldn’t hide it. Yuuri pulled him into an embrace, keeping him close as he weaved a hand through his hair.

“I – I begged her to stop,” He choked out a cry against Yuuri’s chest, unable to keep his emotions under control. “I – I just remember realizing that s-she wasn’t going to stop. A-and that nobody was coming to help me.”

_His head smacked against the ice. A sharp crack broke through his ear as pain erupted across his face. He cried out in agony as his head began to thump with pain. “Don’t!” Victor cried out, desperately praying that his mother would change her mind or loosen her grip. His hand grasped at his mother’s wrist in a weak attempt to pull her hand away. He could feel his tears slipping down his face. “Please! I – I can’t control this! Stop!”_

“Nothing hurt more than knowing I couldn’t escape,” Victor murmured against Yuuri’s shirt. He whimpered weakly as he brought his hand up to his lips. He pressed it over his mouth, desperately trying to stop his sobs that were threatening to break free again. “I could have begged as much as I wanted, she… she wasn’t going to stop, Yuuri.”

Yuuri pressed a lingering kiss to his head. It made things feel just that little bit okay. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you, Victor.”

Victor pressed himself closer to Yuuri. It had been so long since he cried over his death. But as he thought about it, he wondered if he ever cried at all. He could never remember being a Winter Spirit and sitting by his lake with tears down his cheeks, knowing it was where he died. He remembered his years of insanity but no years of grief.

“It isn’t fair,” Victor wept. He choked on a sob and sucked in a shaky breath. “Why – why did it happen to me?”

 

_He clawed at his mother’s hand but it only encouraged her to raise Victor’s head and push it down with all her strength. He heard another crack in his ear and in that second pause where his mother didn’t move, he met her eyes. All pleading and begging was no use. She was unstoppable and she wasn’t going to quit._

_“Please…”_

_But Victor continued to beg._

_She raised his head one last time. Victor knew this was it – this was how he was going to die. In a moment of desperation, he prayed. He prayed silently, begging for someone to save him or for a miracle to happen. Victor sucked in a breath and then –_

“And then?” Yuuri asked.

_The ice broke._

“I went under.”

_The water was cold and suffocating. He struggled against his mother’s grip, desperate for her to let go and let him breathe. He clawed at her hand that was holding his hair, trying so hard to dig his nails into her skin and force her hand away but he was losing strength. His head was pounding and his lungs screamed for oxygen. He couldn’t breathe. He was desperate._

_Everything became a strange haze and his mind felt it was about to explode. He knew from the moment his mouth opened to breathe and he only tasted the salty water that he was not going to make it._

_He was going to die there by his mother’s hand. He was going to die over something that was out of his control – something that was unknown to him until recently. It wasn’t fair, but it was how it had to be._

_He couldn’t stop his winters._

“I refused to stop fighting,” Victor said through gritted teeth. His lips pressed together hard as shook his head. “I was never going to let her see me give up. If there was even the smallest ounce of hope, it was worth the fight.”

_But he didn’t stop fighting. He still clawed at her hand, swearing to fight until his last breath._

_When darkness slowly enveloped him, the water closed in around him. His entire body was wet and his mind no longer fought for the will to breathe. The coldness he felt upon entering the water had completely gone, and for the first time, he was numb. He was sinking further below and as he watched the silhouette of his mother turn away, he found peace._

_And then it went all black._

“And just like that, I was dead.” Victor’s tears had stopped. There was only a numbness that remained as the last of his tears dried on his cheeks. “She had done what she wanted. I was gone and I died by her hands, but…”

Yuuri brushed his hair back as he asked, “But?”

Victor struggled to find exactly how he felt. While his mother had ended his life, he couldn’t decide if the outcome after his death was worth it – that he was in the right to unleash what he had or if he was wrong and a monster like she had called him – but he felt _something_ that made him feel just that little bit better.

“But she died by mine.”

_“Prophesies are always fulfilled one way or another, but they don’t always follow a plan.” The voice was light and sweet. It reminded Victor of daisies and a taste of sunshine, but also crackling fires and oak wood. “It didn’t matter if you died young or old, your prophecy would have come true.”_

_Did Victor have a voice in the emptiness of the void he was surrounded by? Did he have sight, sound, and smells?_

_“What happened?”_

_He found his voice. It was muffled and it bubbled. He didn’t know how he knew, but he was speaking underwater. He couldn’t recall what happened, but he knew for certain that he had passed on. He could see a light above him, glistening in the water that was unmoving. He wanted to swim to it but he could not move his body._

Yuuri pulled back to meet Victor’s eyes. There was no anger in them, nor disgust or repulsion. They were more surprised than anything and as Yuuri suddenly blinked rapidly, he asked, “How – how did you end her life?”

“Mother earth spoke to me after I died.”

_“Your winter came,” They spoke and Victor suddenly knew what they were talking about. His winter that he supposedly cursed on his village wasn’t false after all. It was true and he had cursed them. “It hit your village. There were no survivors.”_

_“Not even my mother?” Victor asked. He knew even before they replied that she was gone._

_“Not even your mother.”_

“They told you?” Yuuri asked and Victor nodded.

“Yes. They told me everything. They answered my questions and helped me finally understand my life and who I was destined to be,” Victor said with a small smile on his face. He remembered the relief he felt and the weight that had been lifted from his shoulders. He had been carrying that boulder for so long. “Mother Earth then brought me back. I remember waking up in my clearing on the first day of winter, but that was all I remembered until years later.”

“Those were the years you went insane, wasn’t it?” Yuuri asked. Victor had forgotten he told Yuuri. He sighed heavily as he nodded. Neither said a word for a moment, not until Yuuri shook his head and said, “After everything you went through, I’m glad the winter happened. They deserved it for what they did to you.”

Victor didn’t know if he felt the same way. He had a long time to look past his anger and move on but hearing those words fall from Yuuri’s lips was something he never expected. He had always imagined Yuuri being a pacifist – he’d prefer peace over war. But Victor always learned something new about Yuuri, one being that Yuuri had more anger and hatred than he thought. Yuuri always found a way to surprise him.

“It was a long time ago, Yuuri,” Victor tried to calm Yuuri’s hatred as he cupped Yuuri’s cheek and smiled softly. “I’m moving on. I have something better in my life now, someone who makes me happy and glad that I’m here today.”

Yuuri didn’t hold back when he let his smile stretch across his lips. He moved forward to kiss Victor softly on the lips and Victor had to go in for one too. He smiled against Yuuri’s lips, unable to contain the happiness that burned through him. And as Victor pulled back and met the sweet chocolate browns of Yuuri’s eyes, for the first time, he was thankful for his long-lived life he was living. He would never have met Yuuri if he hadn’t. He would never be this happy in his life if it wasn’t for Yuuri.

And Victor knew without a doubt that Yuuri was his life and his love.

“I love you, Yuuri.”

He watched Yuuri’s smile reach his eyes and as a light laugh escape his lips, Victor’s heart warmed with a burning desire and a yearning. “I love you too, Victor.”

 

_You will understand. When it’s all over, you will realize why it had to be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hurt... ):
> 
> But it is my longest chapter written so I'm happy. And even more so, because I have a new idea for a story! I'm super excited to get it out but that won't be until this is finished! I am actually over halfway with this story, so it may be sooner than planned! My goal is to get this finished before Christmas, so not long!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!! <3


	16. Chapter 16

 

The days went on just as uneventfully as before.

December turned into January. Georgi still hung around with his camera in hand, desperate for a picture to prove Victor's existence. And Yuuri and Victor lived their days away in Yuuri’s home with Vicchan beside them. Their life seemed to just move on as if nothing had changed.

But more had changed than they thought. There was a strange shift in their relationship and Victor could see it.

It wasn’t just Victor who had something on his mind that he wasn’t talking about; Yuuri did too. Victor could see it in his eyes, the burning red flame of fury that didn’t fade no matter how many days went by. His anger was beginning to grow and Yuuri’s hatred for certain people strengthened. It blazed high, making Yuuri scowl if he had to go near the lake and grumble to himself if he saw Georgi near their house. His anger encouraged a sudden protectiveness that Victor wasn’t used to. It wasn’t bad. Yuuri had more of his attention on Victor. He swore to do everything in his power to make sure Victor was treated with the respect and dignity he deserved. He wanted to keep those he knew could hurt him away. While Victor didn’t mind it, Yuuri was too angry at the world, and Victor sometimes wished he kept his problems to himself.

He loved that Yuuri cared about him enough to go the extra mile, but Victor felt that maybe he shouldn’t have shoved his problems onto Yuuri. He knew talking about it helped him, but it didn’t help Yuuri and he should have thought about that. Yuuri wouldn’t have been so determined to make Victor’s life easier. He would be painting and drawing more, not staring out their window for Georgi to appear so he could yell at the man. Yuuri had made Victor his life and that wasn’t what Victor wanted out of their relationship. It was a mutual understanding, not a selfish dedication.

But Victor was no better. While Yuuri cared too much, he didn’t care enough. He decided that compared to the torture he went through in his waking life, what he was going through in his dead one was child’s play. Georgi was not a problem to him – not anymore. He didn’t care if Georgi got a picture of him because Georgi couldn’t see him. Georgi could only get proof, but not the answers to the questions he has. And while Georgi was not much of a bother to Victor anymore, Victor was enjoying his life for once. He was having fun. He had new friends and made love with somebody who cared so much about him. He had a home. He had a future. And his life and love were overflowing inside of him, making him want to squeal with excitement and dream of their future together.

Victor was happy. But Yuuri was angry. He was vengeful. And Victor didn't want Yuuri to be so hateful.

He knew it was a lot to ask of Yuuri not to be. He had expressed how much he despised Victor’s mother and the village people who treated him just as poorly. Victor understood and Yuuri had every right to be angry, but Yuuri was letting it get to him. He was letting it take control by making him say horrible bitter words and say frustrated complaints. Victor knew it would be hard for Yuuri to do so, but he wanted him to start moving on. He had to accept that it happened – much like Victor had – and that there was nothing that could be done.

He needed to talk to Yuuri, but he also needed Yuuri to understand.

 

* * *

 

The snow crunched beneath Yuuri’s feet as they walked. Victor’s was silent. He hadn’t heard the crunch beneath his feet in a long time.

“Victor…” Yuuri mumbled behind the scarf wrapped around him. His arms crossed to keep himself warm against the cold blast of wind as his teeth chattered audibly. “Do we really have to out now? It’s nearly dark.”

Victor looked up at the darkening sky. The grey clouds hung heavy in the sky and between the spaces, an array of pinks and blues cascaded the sky as amber rays lit up the world with a twinkling shine. The sun was setting over the horizon. It was getting later and colder, but Victor needed to bring Yuuri to the lake. It was now or never and Victor wasn't going to settle for never.

“I fear if we don’t go now, I won’t ever say anything,” Victor replied as he looked straight ahead. The lake slowly came into view as they walked. He needed to talk to Yuuri and Victor needed to do it now.

A hand grabbed his arm to stop him. Victor turned and looked down at Yuuri, brows dropped as he wondered why Yuuri had stopped him.

“Victor,” Yuuri said as he lowered his hand and laced his fingers between Victor’s. “I know you want to talk to me about something, but I don’t… I don’t want to go to the lake anymore.”

Victor looked back towards the lake and sighed. “This’ll be the last time,” He said when he met Yuuri’s eyes. “I know you don't want to see it anymore but please. I need to talk to you there. It’ll be the last time, I promise.”

Yuuri didn’t say anything. He held a stare that showed hurt and pain, but he pulled through it as he tore his gaze away and forced himself to walk. Hand in hand, they continued their trek towards the lake. Victor knew Yuuri would be reluctant to go back. He hated having to take Vicchan for a walk there but he had to walk Vicchan. Victor knew if Yuuri had the choice, he would stop going there altogether.

Which was exactly why Victor had to talk to him there. Yuuri needed to understand and learn.

For the first time in a long while, the lake was silent. Only a few people were at the lake but on Victor’s side, it was silent. Not a single person walked along the pathway, unknown that a spirit would be watching them. Victor felt strange thinking like that now. It had been a while since someone hadn’t seen him. Yuuri always saw him – he became used to it.

“Victor?” Yuuri alerted him from his thoughts. He turned, watching Yuuri as he rubbed his gloveless hands together to keep them warm. “Why did you bring me here?”

Victor had too much to say. He had so much that he wasn’t certain where he should begin. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, following a path that was once so familiar to him. He heard Yuuri moving behind him, and when Victor found the exact spot he was looking for, he stopped. He turned to Yuuri. There was confusion on his face, but grief that struck as he stared out across the lake. Victor didn’t have to say anything for Yuuri to know why he was there, but Yuuri had to hear Victor’s words.

“This is where I died, Yuuri,” Victor began. Yuuri tore his eyes away to stare at Victor. “Right here, where I am standing is where my mother hurt and drowned me.”

Yuuri breathed in a shaky breath that wasn’t from the cold. Tears welled in the corner of his eyes but none fell as he stepped closer to Victor. He took Victor’s hand, squeezing it lightly as he pushed it into his coat pocket to keep their hands warm. “I don’t want to know this, Victor,” He said as he kept his gaze focused on Victor’s arm. His free hand picked at the material, distracting his eyes from looking where Victor had died.

“I know, but I need you to.” Yuuri then closed his eyes and pressed his face into Victor’s arm. Victor’s free hand went to Yuuri’s hair, stroking his fingers through the strands as he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of his head. “Behind us is where I walked with her. It’s the same pathway we walk when you used to sit on the bench with Vicchan and draw.”

“Victor,” Yuuri murmured desperately. He shook his head, wanting Victor to stop but he needed Yuuri to know. He needed Yuuri to understand.

“The way we walk towards my clearing is the way my village used to be,” He said, staring ahead towards the direction. He breathed in his own shaky breath, not realizing he was getting emotional himself. He thought he was over crying, but he still surprised himself. “I don’t know what’s there anymore. My village was further than my clearing, but I know it’s gone now.”

Yuuri then pulled back. He stared up at Victor, tears staining his cheeks but no cry fell from his lips. There was a light scowl on his mouth and Victor didn’t know if it was towards him, or that he mentioned his mother and the village. Yuuri’s eyes were cold as he asked, “Why are you telling me this?”

Victor didn’t answer. He looked away and instead, he asked, “Do you know how long ago this was?”

“No,” Yuuri said, shaking his head.

“Me either. It was years, possibly centuries ago,” Victor replied. He watched Yuuri’s eyes for a change – to see if his anger fades or his grief slowly becomes accepting. But nothing had changed, and Victor continued to speak. “That’s how long I’ve been a spirit for. That’s how long I’ve had to think about what happened to me. And I need you to understand that I moved on.”

“I understand that, Victor. I do,” Yuuri said, nodding fast as if to convince himself too. Victor smiled and brushed a hand through Yuuri’s hair. He knew Yuuri did and how much he was trying to do so, but Yuuri didn’t understand completely.

“I know you do,” Victor smiled weakly. Yuuri held his stare with gleaming brown eyes. “But I don’t think you understand that I’m not angry anymore.”

Yuuri’s brows dropped but he never tore his stare away. “I don’t understand.”

“I know you’re angry, Yuuri, and you have every right to be.” Victor paused, uncertain if his next few words would do him any good or cause him more harm. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and said with nerves tugging in his gut, “But I want you to try and move on too.”

There was a prolonged silence that made Victor’s nerves pull even harsher. Then suddenly, the warmth around his hand disappeared and Victor’s eyes snapped open. He watched as Yuuri took a step away from him, slowly shaking his head with his brows hung low. “How can you ask me to do that?” He ran a hand through his hair, his head still shaking. “Victor, how – how could you possibly think I can move on after what you told me?”

“I want you to try but I also want you to know why you need to.” He took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to hold back and as he met Yuuri’s eyes, Yuuri knew too. He was preparing himself as he chewed his lip with anxiety and breathed in heavily. “I’m not going to hold back. Just be aware of that, Yuuri.”

Yuuri nodded. “I know.”

“Do you want to know what hurt most about my death?” Victor could see Yuuri was tempted to say no, but he remained silent and allowed Victor to speak. “It wasn’t the fact that it was my mother because, by that point, I didn’t see her as my mother. It was that she hated me so much that she didn’t care how badly she hurt me, she just wanted me dead. She wanted to kill me for something that was out of my control and do you know what that’s like?” He stepped forward, needing to get close to Yuuri. Yuuri didn’t move back. “Do you know how much it hurts having your head smacked repeatedly against the ice – knowing that the person who was supposed to love you and bring you up in the world was doing that with the intention to kill?”

Yuuri’s gaze dropped to the ground. He couldn’t meet Victor’s eyes and as much as Victor wanted him to, he knew how much this was weighing down on Yuuri. It was a lot to take in – too much, even, knowing that his lover was brutally murdered. But Victor had his reasons to explain everything. He had to try, no matter how badly he wished to stop, hug Yuuri, and tell him to just forget everything and go back to the start, he had to try and help.

If this made Yuuri worse, Victor had to accept that maybe moving on wasn’t going to be easy for Yuuri. He didn’t have years of silence to think about it and realize what’s done is done. But if Yuuri’s anger subsided and he tried to calm himself, that would be enough.

Victor had to try and help Yuuri.

“It hurt so much, Yuuri. I have never, _ever_ felt so powerless before and – and…” Victor didn’t want to cry but his eyes stung with tears and a sob violently broke out of his lips. He pressed his hands to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to stop the tears that flooded down his cheeks. He didn’t want to cry anymore.

“Victor,” He heard Yuuri’s voice – soft and sweet. He sucked in a breath and looked up, meeting the warm, chocolate browns of Yuuri’s eyes. Yuuri was the only warmth he loved. Yuuri gently pulled Victor’s hands away from his mouth and held them tightly in his hands, squeezing with enough pressure to give Victor the comfort he needed.

Yuuri was letting him speak. Victor forced in another deep breath before continuing.

“It did more to me than just kill me.” Victor’s voice was hoarse and shaky. “It drove me to near insanity because I let it get to me so much that I… I became this spirit with this power and I could destroy everything with a willing thought because I was so, _so_ angry at the world that I just…” He had to pause again. He needed to stop. But as he looked away from the ground and back to Yuuri’s eyes, he finally found the right words to say to him. “Don’t be angry at the world, Yuuri. Be angry that it happened, but don’t look for revenge where you can’t get it.”

The silence hung thick. Even the wind was barely above a whisper as it swirled and danced around them. It made Yuuri’s hair sway in the breeze and in the sudden silence of it all, it was such a gentle gesture. For just that small moment, Victor found peace and security.

“It just isn’t fair,” Yuuri eventually said. His own voice trembled as tears welled in the corner of his eyes.

Victor breathed in heavily and nodded. “I know.”

“You didn’t deserve that,” Yuuri stated firmly. His grasp on Victor’s hands tightened and his eyes stayed on Victor’s. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t – I can’t understand how she could hurt you like that. The anger she felt over something you couldn’t control and the way she hurt you…”

Yuuri pressed his lips together tightly and closed his eyes. He let out a breath, nearing a choked sob as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Victor. The gesture took Victor by surprise but it was certainly one he needed – one that Victor delved into without a second hesitation. They stayed together in their tight embrace, pressed against one another as closely as possible and hands grasping to keep the other in place. If Victor could, he would never let go.

“You’re too kind for this world, Victor,” Yuuri’s voice was muffled against Victor’s shoulder but he still heard. And Yuuri’s words still made his chest race and swell with warmth and love. “I know our time is limited but I will make our time the best you’ve ever dreamed of. I will make this part of your life so memorable that those memories will never hurt you again. I love you so much, Victor. God, I love you more than I can express.”

And it was in that moment that Victor was certain of two things. The first is that no matter how angry Yuuri was – no matter how much he despised the people who hurt him and how badly he wanted them to pay, he wasn’t going to search for that revenge anymore. He was going to stay angry for a while, but he was going to try and see the positive in life. And that was more than Victor could ask for.

The second was a sudden realization. As he lifted his head and rested it on Yuuri’s shoulder, the words slipped from his mouth without realizing. “I wish I was alive again,” He said, loud and clear. “I wish I could adventure beyond this lake with you and meet all the people in your life. I wish I didn’t have to watch you age while I still stay young and unknown. I – I want to be with you Yuuri, in the way you deserve too.”

Yuuri didn’t pull back and Victor was pleased that he didn’t. He needed Yuuri to be close. He needed to feel his living warmth and beating heart. “You want to be alive again?” Yuuri asked before he moved a hand to Victor’s hair.

“I do,” Victor swallowed hard and nodded. If he was given one wish, that would be all he’d wish for. “I do. I really, really do, Yuuri.”

And the silence returned but it settled nicely between them. It brought them peace and tranquillity after the storm that hit. It was comforting, as was the embrace that both knew they should move back from. As they pulled back to meet each other’s eyes, they stayed close. Victor felt so much better and he was certain that Yuuri did too. While their eyes stayed locked in a love-filled embrace, Yuuri cupped Victor’s cheek and smiled. Victor couldn’t help but return it as he moved into Yuuri’s touch and took pleasure in the moment Yuuri’s lips pressed against his own in a loving and sweet kiss.

“Maybe coming back to the lake may help me move on,” Yuuri murmured before kissing Victor again. Victor moved back to reply but Yuuri spoke first. “I need to learn to love this place again. Maybe we could visit every other day so I can get used to it?”

“I think that’ll work,” He said, positive that it could help Yuuri. He then gave a warm grin and gently pressed his forehead against Yuuri’s. In just above a whisper, Victor spoke, “Thank you for trying to understand me, Yuuri.”

And in the corner of Victor’s eye, he could see a figure staring at them. Yuuri’s eyes were closed, so when a flash sparked Victor’s vision, only Victor would know what had happened. And while he knew, he couldn’t come to care.

Nothing was going to ruin that moment, not even a picture.

 

_It will hurt. You will feel pain. Life is not an easy road but you’ll be okay, I promise._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprised how quickly I finished this chapter. I only had a day to work on it and finished it within that day! I also know it wasn't long but without the flashbacks, chapters may be a little shorter now. I do apologize for that - unless you prefer smaller chapters? ~~I can't promise smaller chapters~~
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I didn't realize how close to the end I actually am! In the last chapter, I said I'm over halfway finished, but I actually believe I'm roughly 4-5 chapters away from finishing! I didn't realize how close to the end I was!  
> But don't expect nothing from me after this fic. I have another one in the works! I may even upload it before I finish this since I have the first chapter finished. I'm really excited to get it up! I just need a name and a summary and then a new fic!! 
> 
> I hope I see you guys there! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧


	17. Chapter 17

 

Everything was fine.

When they walked home from the lake, there was a shift in the air – a sudden weight that had been lifted. Victor was light on his feet. His mind was at peace. He felt like everything was going to be okay, for the most part. The flash he saw didn’t leave his mind and while it was something he _should_ be concerned about, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He and Yuuri broke past a barrier – destroying it with high hopes and love. Everything was fine.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was fine.

The days went by and Yuuri was moving on from his anger. It eventually subsided. It moved on to a bitter low – as Yuuri called it – and explained how he was in a grey area. He didn’t know he felt but knew exactly how he felt. He was A to Z. He was high and low. He was both and neither at the same time, and he was still trying to figure out how that could be.

Victor didn’t fully understand him, but he was willing to try.

He took notice. He watched and kept an eye on Yuuri’s emotions. And they were just as chaotic as he imagined. He’d be a little upset one day to being furious the next. Some days, he felt nothing at all then in the evening, he’d feel everything all at once. He was never a content middle, but a far left or a far right. It was a strange cycle of uncertainty where even Victor couldn’t guess what Yuuri would feel next.

So, like the grown adults that they were, they sat down and talked about it. They explained what they wanted and needed from each other, mentioned what they wanted the other to do, and tried to help each other in the way they needed. And by the end of their first conversation, they met each other halfway. They found that content middle. They helped each other in the way that they needed.

Everything was getting back to normal. A few weeks had passed with little trouble and Victor grew suspicious. He was pleased that nothing was going wrong but it didn’t feel right. The flash he saw had gone unnoticed – as if it hadn’t happened. But Victor knew it had. Victor knew it was a picture. And he knew it was Georgi who took it.

Only he didn’t know what Georgi intended to do with it.

He still saw Georgi stalking outside their home. On mornings where Victor would look outside and admire the divine change his season could bring, he’d catch a glimpse of Georgi hidden behind a tree. There were times where he didn’t see Georgi but he knew he was there, hidden somewhere in the forest. But recently, when Victor did see Georgi, he’d see this look on his face – a knowing stare with narrowed eyes and an impish grin. Victor would watch him from the window and sometimes, their eyes would meet.

Victor was on edge. But he chose to ignore it.

He knew he couldn’t ignore it forever. On the day where Yuuri came back home from walking Vicchan, Victor knew even without words that something had happened.

“Yuuri” Victor spoke as he watched Yuuri take Vicchan off his leash. “Is everything alright?”

But Yuuri stayed silent. He put away Vicchan’s leash, hung up his coat and took off his shoes, then moved to the couch where he sat down, still not saying a word. A nervous tug pulled in Victor’s stomach. His mind pondered multiple reasons for Yuuri’s behavior as he grabbed Yuuri’s favorite blanket. None of his guesses were good. When Victor walked over, Yuuri’s hands were on his face. He didn’t look up as Victor draped the blanket over his shoulders, nor when Victor sat beside him.

Victor then did what Yuuri asked him to do long ago – he waited for Yuuri to open up.

It had taken Yuuri quicker than Victor expected to take a long deep breath and finally look up. He kept his arm on Yuuri’s shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, letting Yuuri know to take him time. Then Yuuri closed his eyes, took another deep breath, then turned to meet Victor’s stare.

“You know that day you took me to the lake,” He said weakly. “That day we had that talk?”

Victor’s heart came to a full stop. He swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“Georgi somehow got a photo of us.” Victor didn’t hold back his sigh. He knew at some point, the flash he saw was going to come back and bite him. He just wanted to live in blissful ignorance while everything was fine.

“How clear is it?” He knew the picture was taken, but he wondered how obvious it was.

“You can see you’re there,” Yuuri answered. “You can see you’re a spirit. It’s so obvious. And I didn’t even – I had no idea he got a picture of us.” His hands weaved through his hair, obviously distressed by it all.

But Victor knew the picture wasn’t what made Yuuri so upset. There was something else causing his panic – something that was making Yuuri overthink and worry. He narrowed his eyes in thought and huffed audibly as he asked, “He spoke to you, didn’t he?”

Yuuri’s hands ran to his face and he nodded. Victor bit his tongue and clenched his fists, trying to keep back the rude comment he had about Georgi. He was furious – angry that Georgi made Yuuri feel this way. He had no right. But as much as Victor wanted to go out there, destroy his camera, and demand that he leaves them alone, Yuuri was his main priority.

“I don’t know what to do, Victor,” Yuuri let out a shaky breath. His hands dropped into his lap as he looked towards Victor. “He’s made a demand of you.”

A thousand questions rushed through Victor’s mind, but he could only ask one. “What did he demand?”

“He – he said either you tell him everything you know, or he will upload that picture.” Victor was ready to say no – to refuse Georgi of ever getting what he wanted. But as Yuuri breathed in heavily and shook his head, his words fell silent. “I don’t know what kind of reaction he will get if he uploads it but I have to be honest, Victor. I don’t want the questions. I don’t want people to wonder why I decided to get involved with Georgi if they don’t believe him…” He ran his hand over his face. “What do you think, Victor?”

Victor wanted to not care. He wanted Georgi to upload the picture and continue having them live in blissful ignorance, but he couldn’t do that to Yuuri. Yuuri had a life with friends, family, and was known by people who would ask questions and demands. Victor could hide. Yuuri couldn’t. As much as he wanted to just let it happen – to not tell Georgi about his world and just let whatever happens, happen. Yuuri was more important. Yuuri was his priority and if it affected him in any way, Victor would change his mind.

Somewhere in Victor’s mind was yelling at himself for not telling Yuuri sooner. If he had just mentioned it, Yuuri might not be so distraught about it now. They could have come up with a scheme or a plan to stop it from happening. Victor blamed himself for it getting worse. He had to tell Yuuri the truth. Now was better than never.

“You know I don’t like to hide the truth from you, which is why I’m telling you now,” He began and took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to say. “But I knew he took the picture. I didn’t say anything because… well, I didn’t care.”

Yuuri blinked once. “… Excuse me?”

Victor quickly took Yuuri’s hands into his own, both to distract his mind from running haywire and to calm the anger he watched burst in Yuuri's eyes. Yuuri had every right to be angry at him, but if he could calm Yuuri down and go around it without any more drama and hurt, he would.

“I didn’t care if he got a photo because I didn’t think he’d know a way to use it against me, and neither did I.” He kept his eyes down. He needed to speak first, then watch Yuuri’s reaction. “The picture wasn’t going to encourage me to tell him about my world. It wouldn’t hurt us either. It _shouldn’t_ have hurt us. I didn’t expect all of this.”

And when Victor met Yuuri’s eyes, his face was soft and his hand reached up to cup Victor’s cheek. “We should have been more cautious,” Yuuri said and Victor agreed.

“With grief comes recklessness. I should know that better than anyone.”

Then the world fell silent. Neither knew what to say. Neither knew what to do. It was a responsibility that Victor had to take – a choice for him to make. But Victor didn’t need to think about it to know what choice he was going to make. The only thing he had to lose was Yuuri. If anything came between them, he’d do anything in his power to make sure they come out strong and together.

Mother Earth may be mad at him, but he had no choice. He wasn’t going to risk having Georgi drive Yuuri away from him.

“You don’t want people to find out, do you?” Victor asked and Yuuri shook his head. Victor gave a nod and stood. “Then I must tell him.”

“No, Victor,” Yuuri said as he grabbed Victor’s hand, stopping him from moving. Victor stared down at him watching him shake his head. “You told me that he can’t find out about your world. What if something happens if you do? What if he uses it against you and – and?”

“Yuuri, listen to me,” Victor’s voice was stern as his hands pressed either side of Yuuri’s face. Their eyes met and in between the worry and distress, love was found. “I have nothing to lose other than you. If him releasing that picture gives even the smallest chance of you leaving, I will do everything that I can to make sure that doesn’t happen. I can’t ever lose you, Yuuri. And I don’t want him to drive you away, either.”

Yuuri swallowed hard. His hand curled around Victor’s wrist, pulling his hand to his lips, and kissing it softly. “You won’t ever lose me, Victor.”

Victor sat down. “I know, but I can’t risk it.”

Yuuri was thinking. His brows were dropped, his eyes were focused, and his finger tapped against Victor’s hand. Victor waited for him to come to his conclusion and see where they go next. Either they tell Georgi the truth and have the photo deleted, or they don’t and cause more drama for Yuuri.

At least, that was how Victor saw it.

“Okay,” Yuuri eventually said as he nodded to himself. “If you want to tell him, you tell him. He said we have three days to think about it, and then you meet him at the lake and tell him everything.”

“Me?” Victor asked. “What if he can’t see me?”

“He said to make sure you let him see you, or have me talk for you,” Yuuri answered. “He wants to talk to you alone.”

Victor sighed hard and nodded. If Georgi wanted to talk to just him alone, he would have to hope and pray that Georgi could see him. And once all of that is over, Georgi should leave them alone. He shouldn’t be a problem with them anymore.

“When all this is over, why don’t we let off some steam and I’ll teach you how to ice skate?” He suggested. After all the drama what was to come, he just wanted to get back to living with Yuuri – to being lovers and spending time together.

Yuuri smiled widely and nodded. “That would be nice,” He said. “I used to skate a little as a kid. I should still be able to skate.”

“I’ll make sure the lake is frozen that day,” Victor said with a smile on his face. “When it’s all over, I’ll cheer from afar.”

And just like that, the day that Victor was dreading was beginning to sound so much better.

 

* * *

 

 

“What do we say to him when we get there?”

Victor shook his head while keeping his eye on Yuuri. “I think you mean what do I say to him,” He corrected before suddenly throwing his arm up to grip onto Yuuri’s, stopping him from slipping over for the fourth time.

Victor had promised an icy day, but he hadn’t expected to encourage it to be so cold that the snow froze over too. Yuuri was having trouble making his way through the forest while Victor, being a spirit that he was, had no problem. He kept his eye on Yuuri and caught him every time he fell.

Well, most times.

When Yuuri had his two feet firmly on the ground, they set forth. “It doesn’t feel right you talking to him without me being there,” Yuuri said and sighed heavily. “I’m just being overprotective.”

Victor didn’t want to agree but Yuuri was being a little too overprotective. Victor could handle this better than before. He no longer wanted to live in fear but in harmony with the one that he loves. He wasn’t going to let anything bother him and his relationship with Yuuri – not anymore. But Yuuri’s protectiveness over him made him feel somewhat weak and incapable.

He knew Yuuri just cared about him, so he kept his response silent and changed the subject. “Just keep yourself busy and I’ll be with you before you know it.”

“And you’ll watch me skate?” Yuuri asked, smiling brightly at Victor. Victor let out a chuckle and nodded.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

When the lake came into view, Victor knew his encouragement did well. His season had frozen the world in a glitter of ice and frost, freezing the lake like a solid mirror. It was thick enough for Yuuri to skate, even with the center being a little thin, it was nothing that Victor was concerned about. The ice was safe for Yuuri.

In the distance, hidden in the stood Georgi. He was by the forest, eyes searching the area before they fell on Victor and Yuuri. He stood tall, watching them and waiting for Victor to walk over. Victor hadn’t expected his chest to tug and pound, but he swallowed back that fear and stared ahead.

“He sees me,” Yuuri commented and Victor shook his head.

“No,” He said, staring eye to eye with Georgi. “He sees us.”

Yuuri nodded as he took a deep breath. He then turned and laced his fingers with Victor’s. “If you need me, I’ll be on the ice,” He said as his grip tightened. Victor returned it, nodding as he did so. “Don’t hesitate to ask for my help. And if he so much as hurts you or insults you –”

“I’ll be fine, Yuuri,” Victor stopped him. He didn’t want Yuuri’s frustration. He just needed his support. “I’ll see you soon.”

Their kiss was quick but needed. It gave Victor the reminder who he was returning back to, and Yuuri the confidence to let Victor go fight his battles. And yet, neither hesitated when they met halfway for another. It wasn’t needed, but it was wanted.

“I love you.”

Victor bit back his grin and took a step back. “I love you too,” He said, unable to keep his smile back as he turned. His heart burned with love and life flowed through him, overwhelming him with such positivity that he couldn’t imagine any way Georgi could ruin his mood. And as he walked, he met Georgi’s eyes with a cold hard glare, letting him know he was ready and unafraid.

He felt a chill around him, circling his body in neither a protective or defensive way. It was following him, surrounding him in a cold whirlwind. Victor knew who it was. He took a deep breath and he closed his eyes, but continued his walk as he spoke.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t lose Yuuri.” The chill around him stayed. Victor continued. “You must understand that I am in love, Mother Earth. He is everything to me. I’d give up this life to be with him, but I’m certain you already know that.”

In the whistle of the wind, he heard a gentle voice reply, “ _I know_.”

Mother Earth always knew. And as Victor opened his eyes, he came closer to Georgi. He had that startled gleam in his eyes, the same one when he first saw Victor. His mouth hung open in awe, eyes wide and brows up high. He still wasn’t used to seeing Victor. Victor wasn’t going to go easy on him with his explanation.

“Well, I’m here,” He said, startling Georgi out of his awe. “So, what do you want to know about me?”

Georgi cleared his throat and turned. “Let’s move further into the forest,” He said and glanced over his shoulder, eyes glancing from Yuuri on the lake to Victor. “I don’t want either of you two making secret signals to each other. Or you communicating with other ghosts. It’s just you and me.”

Victor didn’t understand the paranoia but he cooperated. He nodded and followed Georgi further into the forest. He hadn’t expected Georgi to be so paranoid, or to have him assume that other spirits were at the lake too. But regardless, Victor wanted this done and out of the way. He turned and watched the lake slowly disappear into the distance, moving further away from his lover until it disappeared completely.

And then Georgi stopped and turned. It was time.

“Okay, I’m here,” Victor said, wanting them to get to the point so he could get back to Yuuri. “You wanted to know about my world, you ask the questions.”

Georgi scratched his head. “There’s so much for me to ask,” He began. There was a slight laugh in his voice, almost hysteric. Victor discretely took a step back. “I know you’re a ghost but your world… I have to confirm this. You are a ghost, yes?”

“I am a spirit,” Victor corrected, crossing his arms and staring daggers at Georgi. “There is a difference.”

A gust of wind danced between them. Mother Earth was there, watching in the silence of the wind. Victor could feel their presence watching over him, but they were not angry. There was no emotion to them and as Georgi took a single step forward, he felt their presence grow ever colder.

“You’re different,” Georgi commented. “I want to know. What makes you different to any other spirit?”

The wind caressed his skin like a gentle kiss and sweet touch. It was warm and comforting, like the arms of a mother and the warmth of a loved one. It circled around him like a blanket, reminding him of the safety they made him feel when he was alive and young – the protection it gave him that he didn’t need in years. He had almost forgotten.

But more than protection, it was the confirmation for him to speak – for him to tell Georgi about that world. Mother Earth knew Victor had no other choice, and they weren’t going to punish him for something he chose for someone else. Mother Earth was gentle. Mother Earth was kind.

“I am a Winter Spirit,” Victor began. He watched Georgi’s eyes widen with shock, brows raised high and a question on the tip of his tongue. But he stayed silent. He let Victor talk. “My role is to care for the winter season. I guide it in the right direction. I ensure my season remains controlled. I cannot control it, but I can only encourage it. I stop its chaos. I cool it down when it needs to and warm it up when I have to. I do whatever it takes to make sure my season is guided in the right direction. I think of its future more than my own.”

A thick silence fell between them, sitting heavier than a heap of snow. Georgi’s expression never faltered. He stayed stunned, unable to comprehend the information that was given to him. Victor couldn’t help but think back to when Yuuri learned. He was shown something beautiful, and accepted it quicker than Victor had ever hoped for.

Georgi’s reaction was different. Yuuri accepted but still saw Victor as a person. Georgi saw him as a ghost – a spirit who didn’t think or feel. He made Victor feel like an animal, stuck inside a cage while Georgi was the tourist with a camera. Victor hated the way Georgi made him feel.

“You are certainly a unique type,” Georgi finally said when the words came to him. Victor shrugged lazily. “I have never met a spirit like you before. Are there more of you?”

“Yes,” Victor nodded. “The spring, summer, and fall spirits all exist somewhere in the world. I just don’t know where they are. Just like me, they appear where they die.”

Then Georgi let out that hysteric laugh. It was sharp and made Victor jump as it boomed from his lips. Victor moved back, not even bothering to try and hide his displeasure as he watched Georgi smile to himself and laugh.

“Oh, I have been searching for the spirit world for a long time,” He said, letting out a snorted giggle. He then sighed, calming his laughter. “I wanted to know its secrets and truth for so long. I wanted to know everything that made your world so mysterious to us. You know, many doubt your existence.”

It wasn’t unknown to Victor that people didn’t believe he existed. Yuuri was one of them until he proved Yuuri otherwise. “I know they do.”

Georgi sighed with content and threw his hands in his pockets. “But they won’t if I let them know this.”

And suddenly, Victor’s heart stopped.

“Excuse me?”

This wasn’t a part of any agreement. Georgi was supposed to let them be if Victor told him the secrets of his world. He wasn’t supposed to let anyone else know anything. This was wrong. And as the wind between them picked up, blowing the world in no order or direction, he knew Mother Earth was furious too. He could feel it in the force of their wind, the way it threw itself around and between them in a fit of rage.

“If I tell them everything you told me, they would have to believe me!” He said with joy. Victor was far less pleased. “I can open up a new world for the spirit world. There will be new discoveries and beliefs. It’ll be a new religion, one that I can be in charge of, all because of you, Victor!”

Victor shook his head. He didn’t want to be involved in this. “This wasn’t part of our agreement,” He said, desperate to stop Georgi’s manic decision.

But Georgi furiously shook his head. His eyes grew dark. “No, our agreement was that I don’t upload the picture if you tell me about your world,” He said. “You have done that and I will agree with that bargain. But I said nothing about telling my followers what you said.”

“This is sick,” Victor spat. His teeth gritted and his fists clenched. He may not be strong enough to hurt Georgi, but he can certainly attack and he can scare him. People were easily afraid of the unknown. Georgi may know more about Victor, but he was still unknown to the man.

“And besides,” Georgi said as his hand raised from his pocket. In his hand was something Victor had never seen before. He was about to ask until Georgi pressed a button.

 _“I want to know. What makes you different to any other spirit?”_ Victor heard Georgi’s voice speak through the little machine.

 _“I am a Winter Spirit,”_ He heard his own voice come through the speakers. Victor’s heart came to a full stop but the recording continued. _“My role is to care for the winter season. I guide it in the right direction. I ensure my season -”_

And as Georgi paused the video and stared Victor in the eye, he replied bluntly, “I have my evidence.”

Victor didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do or whether there was anything he could do. He could only watch bug-eyed as Georgi shrugged carelessly and smirk at Victor, and all Victor could hear in his head was, “I won.”

The wind that surrounded him chilled his skin, reminding Victor that no matter what happened, he would be safe. And in a sudden, reckless decision, Victor fought back.

He built up as much energy as he could. He wasn't going to let Georgi get away. And with a single willing thought, he pushed it all ahead of him, aiming it towards Georgi as it knocked him to the floor. Victor scowled as he watched, eye twitching with fury as he built up his energy again. He knew he couldn't last long in the fight. He could feel how drained he was becoming just from one action, but he was angry. He was furious. He wasn’t going to stop until that device was destroyed.

The device fell from Georgi's hand. It landed on the ground and Victor raced towards it, grasping for it with needy hands. But Georgi's curled around it before his did, keeping the device hidden in a locked grasp. With an enraged cry, Victor grabbed Georgi’s wrist and started tugging. His hand clawed at Georgi's fist, trying to pull it out of his grasp, but Georgi wasn’t giving up so easily.

“Let it go!” Victor screamed, tugging at Georgi's with as much strength as he could. He could feel himself slipping through Georgi, his body slowly becoming weaker as he fought back. He hadn’t used this much energy for so long, he wouldn’t be able to keep himself visible to Georgi any longer, but he couldn't let the man have that kind of evidence. He couldn't let himself be used like that - manipulated for someone else's selfish reasons.

“This is mine!” Georgi growled back. Victor pulled hard but Georgi’s grip didn’t loosen. “This is my evidence! I need this!”

Victor didn’t care. He was going to get that device from Georgi’s grasp even if he had to force himself to be invisible to Yuuri for a while, he was going to get it and destroy it. Georgi had to accept that. He had to let Victor have this one thing.

Then suddenly, the wind blew hard. It knocked into Victor but he stood his ground. He didn’t stop his fighting with Georgi, determined to grab the device. But then the wind blew again. It was so strong, Victor fell to the side against its force, falling to the ground in a heap. And then the wind slowly calmed. Victor pushed himself up and met Georgi's eyes, both staring at each other with question and anger. Victor's fists clenched, ready to jump back into the fight when the wind blew him back once more.

It was trying to tell him something. Victor didn't know what exactly, but it never stopped him from making a choice. Only did it guide him, alert him, or help him run.

Then Victor stopped. He thought about the wind. It blew him back, circling around his body and flowing towards the direction where the lake sat. It was desperate. It was demanding Victor’s attention, and as he turned to stare towards the direction of the lake, his heart raced, and then it stopped.

Something was wrong.

Something was very, very, wrong.

“Yuuri?!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be two chapters, but that would have meant two very short chapters (roughly 2000 words) and you guys know that's not my thing
> 
> HOWEVER! Next chapter is the last! I didn't expect that either, but the end is nearly here! I hope it's been worth the read so far! <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is a big fat warning for Major Character Death!!  
> (casually points to happy ending tag)

 

Victor ran.

He ran until his heart pounded in his throat and his legs burned. But he still ran, desperate to get back to the lake – to get back to his Yuuri. Whatever the wind was telling him wasn’t good and Victor could focus on nothing but finding Yuuri. He repeated to himself that Yuuri was alright. He was fine. And as the wind continued to push him forward, he tried hard not to doubt.

His Yuuri was fine.

It was a complete lie and he knew that. But perhaps he could lie to himself enough to eventually believe it.

When the lake came into view, Victor felt triumph. He made it. But as he came closer and his eyes searched across the ice – searching every inch of his lake – he didn’t see Yuuri. He wasn’t on the ice, nor on the pathway waiting for him. Victor’s mind quickly assumed the worst. He never imagined he’d see a gaping hole in the middle of the ice. He stopped his running, frozen on the spot as his blood turned cold and his breath escaped him before a cry so raw fell from his lips – and he was running again.

He stumbled but pushed himself back to his feet, determined to keep his speed as he raced forward. He had to get to Yuuri. He had to find him before it was too late. He reached the lake and in between his rapid breathing, he cried out. He didn’t care for the ice that had weakened, nor the cracks that didn’t break beneath his own weight. He raced across the ice and fell to his knees by the broken hole. His heart wouldn’t calm. His hands trembled as they reached into the icy cold water. It bit his skin and froze his fingers as he pulled his hand back out. His eyes roamed the water.

“Yuuri?!” He yelled through his tears. His voice wobbled and cracked as his hand plunged into the water. He felt around for Yuuri, desperately searching for his body without him going in the water himself. He knew how cold it was. He knew it’s deep depths better than anyone else. But he would find Yuuri, no matter the cost.

He couldn’t feel him. He pulled his hand out and with a desperate cry, he yelled, “Please!” He needed Mother Earth to hear. He knew they were near – he could feel their presence around him, circling him with a light chill and a breeze that didn’t seem to end. They moved the world around him, alerting him of their presence. “Bring him back to me, please!”

The wind hit him hard, nearly knocking him into the water himself. He took it as a hint to reach in again. His hand delved back into the water and he frantically felt around the gap in the ice, trying to feel for Yuuri. He could feel nothing other than the icy water that surged around his skin. Then suddenly, he felt something. It wasn’t water. It was frozen solid and Victor didn’t second guess as he grabbed it. He pulled it and when it reached the surface of the water, his heart stopped as his wailed cry stifled against his palm.

It was Yuuri.

He could hear himself saying something but it made no sense to him. He was certain it was begging – pleading that Yuuri was okay. It was all that went through his mind as he pulled Yuuri out of the water. His limb body weighed against the ice, breaking it beneath his weight. But Victor continued to pull him out. He wasn’t going to let Yuuri fall back under. He could feel his tears slipping down his cheeks as he pulled Yuuri further away from the hole. When he stepped foot on solid ground, he collapsed to his knees and pulled Yuuri into his arms. He wasn’t moving.

“Y – Yuuri?” Victor stuttered with a shaky breath. He shook Yuuri’s shoulders, nudging him to wake up and open his eyes. When he choked out a so, he started rocking back and forth. He gulped for a breath, trying to ease the cries that wrecked his body. He pressed his hand to Yuuri’s face, desperate to feel the warmth he used to feel. “Please wake up, Yuuri… please.” He couldn’t stop trembling. His heart cracked and broke and Victor was in agony. It hurt so much.

His skin was so pale. A sickly blue covered his body and his clothes were frozen solid. They were tough against Victor’s hand as he tried pulling Yuuri’s coat tighter around him. His lips were purple with a tinge of blue and his hair once wet hair froze in place, tough to move when Victor ran his hand through it. He couldn’t stop touching Yuuri. His warmth was gone – his skin was cold. Victor picked up Yuuri’s hand - so cold and pale – and touched it to his wet cheeks. “Yuuri…” He wept as his eyes squeezed shut. He couldn’t feel Yuuri. His spirit was gone.

“I…” He heard a voice behind him. He looked away for only a moment and saw Georgi stood behind him. But Victor cared not for Georgi. He ignored the man and turned back to his Yuuri. “I am so sorry.”

Apologies didn’t bring his Yuuri back. His sympathy did nothing to stop the heart-wrenching ache in his chest that tugged and pulled with no mercy. He didn’t care what Georgi had to say to him – whether he was to rid of the device they fought over or apologize for his behavior. Yuuri was his only concern. His sweet, beautiful Yuuri. To see Yuuri dead was to die all over again. There was no Victor without Yuuri – no life without love. And Yuuri was his only love. He was more than his lover. He was his all.

But Yuuri existed when he no longer lived and it left a crack in Victor’s heart that would never heal. He squeezed Yuuri’s hand as his shoulders shook with a cry. He pressed his forehead against Yuuri’s. “I love him so much,” He wept loudly. His cries tore from his lips and punched through his body with force. “How – how can he be dead?”

And at his own words, he broke.

“Victor!” He heard a frantic call of his name. He ignored it. Whoever needed him had to wait because he couldn’t leave Yuuri. He can’t let go for even a second.

Still, Victor wept. He knew death like an old friend, but never greeted it with such heartache before. Even at his own death, it never touched him so close. But now it ripped away a part of him – a part that he loves so much. It snatched away his Yuuri and didn’t pretend to care. It was a cruel fate, one that Victor fell for himself, but never had he wanted Yuuri to meet the same.

“Why did this happen?” He asked loudly. He didn’t know who he was asking and he didn’t expect an answer either. He couldn’t feel the wind around him. It didn’t comfort him like it used to. It didn’t sing to him like a lullaby, calming his worries and drifting him into peace and serenity. The world was still. And Victor’s cries echoed. “This – this isn’t fair. He didn’t deserve this. How – how can he -?”

“Victor!” The voice yelled and Victor looked up. He now saw Georgi stood in front of him. His hand was on Yuuri’s shoulder, gripping it as if to pull him away. Victor held on tighter. “Victor, let me help!”

Victor choked on a breath as he shook his head. “No!” He yelled. Georgi wasn’t going anywhere near his Yuuri. He pushed Georgi’s hand away but his grip was tight. His other hand moved to pull Yuuri away from his arms, but Victor refused. “No, get off him!”

“I’ll save his life!” Georgi yelled back. There was a moment where their eyes met and everything stopped. The man who tried life and limb to prove Victor’s existence – that made their lives just that little bit harder – wanted to help him. He wanted to try and save Yuuri’s life. And Victor didn’t know why he let go. He didn’t know why he trusted the man he refused to trust before and letting him attempt to save his Yuuri. But he watched as Georgi pulled him back and laid him flat on the ground.

“W-what are you doing?” Victor asked as he watched Georgi lower his head to Yuuri’s, listening for something. He didn’t know what was going on but it didn’t look as if he was saving Yuuri. Victor’s trembling hands found Yuuri’s and he gripped it tight. He couldn’t let go.

“It’s CPR,” Georgi answered as he pressed his linked hands against Yuuri’s chest. He pressed down and Victor watched as he continued to do so on repeat. Georgi then glanced up. “I’ll try and bring him back but – but I can’t promise.”

If there was a chance to save Yuuri’s life, Victor would let Georgi have that attempt. He let the man continue what he was doing, watching him as his hands pressed against Yuuri’s chest before he moved to his mouth, breathing air into it then moving back to his chest. Victor didn’t know how this could help Yuuri but he was going to let it be. Georgi said he’d try and bring Yuuri back. It was all he could rely on.

He moved closer to Yuuri. His tears never stopped slipping down his cheeks, unable to keep them at bay. His hand stroked Yuuri’s hair as he whispered between his broken sobs, “Please be alright.” His chest ached and his hands were shaking. He couldn’t stop. “Please, please, please.” The pain that flowed through him stole his breath and forced him to gasp between his wails. He needed to hear Yuuri breathe in a single breath. He needed Yuuri to be warm again.

Yuuri needed to be warm. His skin was too cold and Victor knew Yuuri didn’t handle the cold so well. He wasn’t like Victor. He couldn’t survive in it. He shouldn’t be lying in the snow. And for the first time, Victor told his season to stop. He didn’t encourage but forced the air around him to warm – to be hotter than normal just to keep Yuuri warm. He was cold – so cold. He never knew Yuuri to be that cold before. And Victor hated it. It didn’t feel right for Yuuri’s skin to be so icy. It bit harshly against his own. The cold had never felt so horrible.

“What happened?!” A gruff voice yelled from behind them. Victor didn’t look. But he didn’t need to look to know it was Yakov. He couldn’t turn away from Yuuri, not even for a single second. He then heard Georgi answer.

“He fell in the lake!” Georgi spoke fast as he continued to press hard against Yuuri’s chest. Victor felt something warm and fluffy beside him and a rough tongue lick at his face. He knew it was Makkachin but he couldn’t look away from Yuuri. He waited for him to open his eyes. He waited for him to breathe. “I’m trying to bring him back but it’s been a while and I’m still waiting for an ambulance but I… I think he’s –”

“DON’T!” Victor’s scream tore through him like shards of glass. His body trembled and he gulped for a breath, trying to ease the cries that wrecked through his body. He shook his head as he mumbled, “Don’t – don’t say he’s gone…”

He knew Yuuri was gone. But there was a difference between admitting the truth and lying to oneself. Victor did both. He knew the truth, but lied because he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t bring Yuuri back. He couldn’t save his life. He could do nothing other than weep and beg for a miracle.

“Victor.” He felt a hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t look away. He heard Makkachin whimper beside him and it didn’t help stop his tears. He heard Yakov speak again – softly and carefully as he said, “I know this is hard but you have to listen to me, alright?”

He whimpered out a sob. His eyes squeezed shut as he pulled Yuuri onto his lap. He hugged him close, keeping his arms wrapped around Yuuri as he pressed their foreheads together. And in between his cries, he started to hum. He didn’t know the song. The lyrics were forgotten, but the tune he remembered. As he held Yuuri and rocked him back and forth, he continued to hum.

“Victor, you need to let him go so he can go to the hospital.” Victor shook his head. Yuuri would be too far away from him. He wouldn’t know if he got better or if he is completely gone. He couldn’t let Yuuri out of his sight. This can’t be the last time he sees Yuuri’s face. “Victor, it could save his life. You need to let go.”

“No!” Victor yelled as he rapidly shook his head. He couldn’t let Yuuri go. He’d never let Yuuri go. “No, I – I can’t leave him! I can’t let him l-leave me I…” He pressed his lips together as his tears fell down his cheeks. A sob broke free as he brought Yuuri into an embrace. He did not return it. His arms stayed limp by his side. But Victor had to keep him close. “Please, don’t leave me, Yuuri. Don’t – don’t leave me, please.”

“Victor…”

“Stop it!” He yelled. His hands grasped Yuuri’s shirt, pulling tighter to keep him safe. “Please, let me – let me just…” He didn’t want to let go. He couldn’t. He just needed to be with Yuuri. He needed to be close and remember everything about him that he loved so much. If this was the last time Victor was going to see him, he wanted to be with Yuuri for as long as possible.

Everything was silent. No birds sang, no breeze whistled around them, and not a word was spoken. All that was heard was Victor’s cries – so broken and painful. He will never feel happiness ever again. He will never love his season for what it did to Yuuri. It not only killed Yuuri, but Victor too. It had taken Yuuri away from him. It stole his life when he was alive. It ended Yuuri’s life and Victor could never care for his season ever again. And he didn’t want to. It was no longer his season.

Winter was nothing but a frozen wasteland. It was a killer. It had taken away his love and his life. He could never love the season again. Not anymore.

And in the second pause between his cries and a breath, he felt something. It wasn’t from Yuuri but was inside himself. He felt a warmth. It warmed his blood and enveloped his body, covering him with a blanket over his shoulders and protected him from the cold. He hadn’t felt that warmth in a long time, but what was even stranger, it didn’t bother him. He didn’t need to cool down or stay out in the cold. He didn’t become fatigued from the heat or drained. And when his body shivered for the first time, he heard them, loud and clear.

_As a spirit who no longer loves his season, what do you think happens next?_

A light and sweet voice spoke in the back of his mind. They relaxed is body – calming him with a sense of serenity. But no matter how calm he was, Yuuri’s death plagued his mind like a broken record. It broke his heart, shattered it into a million pieces. It was impossible to fix.

 _I move on,_ Victor replied in his own mind. The wind around him moved, silently telling him to continue. _I have nothing else to live for. I don’t want to live another thousand of years if it meant my loved one is gone. Just take me away. I’m no use to you anymore._

_You are right. Your use to me is done. But I cannot take you away, Victor. That is not my job. I can only give. I gave you your gift when you were born. You were always meant to care for this season, but your connection to it has been broken. It’s been twisted and you’ve turned away from it. So, tell me, Victor. What happens next?_

The wind around him twirled and danced. A fierce rustling swept through Victor’s hair, so loud that he couldn’t hear his own sobbing. Mother Earth surrounded him – waiting for Victor to answer their question. He didn’t know what happened next, but he knew what he wanted.

_I want to live with my Yuuri._

And the moment Victor felt a single beat in Yuuri’s chest, his own came to a complete stop before he suddenly gasped his first breath of life. It was different than before. His lungs filled and his heart pounded with the beat of life. It was refreshing and new but completely recognizable as he recalled his last living life, reminding him what it felt like to be alive again.

Victor was alive. He was breathing and real and existed amongst the living again. He knew that, and the Earth did too. The absence of the winds strong presence disappeared, along with Victor’s gift of the Winter season. It chilled his skin and made his fingers numb, but he cared not for that. Victor wanted life, and he received it.

But with his life, he wanted love. And that love was his Yuuri.

Everything came to a complete stop for just a moment – the Earth was still, the wind stopped, and awaited anticipation was in the air. Victor stared down at his love. He could feel his heart beat against his palm. His skin was warm and his frozen hair was now wet with melted ice. But his eyes did not open. His chest did not rise and fall with his breathing. He was perfectly still.

Then Yuuri jolted. His eyes snapped open as he choked out a cough and water spilled from his lips. He coughed and spluttered but breathed, moved, and Victor’s chest burned with absolute relief. His cry was nothing more than to release the heartache that hurt him so much. His trembling hands grasped for Yuuri as he pulled him into an embrace. And unlike before, he felt Yuuri return it.

“Oh, my god,” Victor gasped between the tears that fell, healing his broken heart as real joy and true happiness was reborn. He rocked himself side to side, almost to remind himself that this was real – that Yuuri was alive once again. He was breathing, living, and very much warm. “Oh, my god, Yuuri – I – Yuuri!”

Yuuri’s breathing was raspy. His hoarse gasps wheezed loudly in Victor’s ear but it was nothing other than a relief. It was the sound of the living – the breath of life. And Victor’s hands grasped the back of Yuuri’s wet coat. He needed Yuuri to be close. His Yuuri was the only thing that mattered to him in that moment as his heart swelled with joy and love.

“I’ll be damned,” A voice spoke behind him and Victor recognized it to be Georgi. He felt Yuuri move back and saw him look up at Georgi with heavy-lidded eyes. Victor couldn’t tear his own away as Georgi continued. “A gift from the Gods. You two must hold something special to be granted life.”

As Yuuri turned to meet Victor’s eyes – his tear-filled, glazy eyes – he smiled. And Victor did too, for they both knew this was a new beginning. The God’s didn’t grant this. Victor knew that all too well, and Yuuri did too. It was merely the return of life. It was a request that was granted by the being that gave Victor his curse. And Mother Earth’s question replayed in Victor’s mind.

What happens next?

 

 

 

_As a spirit who no longer loves his season, what happens next?_

_You were right when you said you move on. But I didn’t answer you completely._ _Do you realize now why it had to be? I do apologize for it being so cruel. It wasn’t my intentions for it to hurt so much, but it had to be._

_Your love for Yuuri was stronger than your love for your season. It was a strange connection – a bond that was stronger than my own gift to you. But this has happened before. You are not the only spirit who has fallen in love and you are not the only spirit to be reborn either. You lost your love for your season and once a spirit loses that touch, there is no point in me keeping you around. What use is a bike without wheels? What use is a guitar with no strings? They are items deems useless. But that doesn't mean you don't matter, Victor. You are loved by another - that is why I returned you your life. That is why I return every spirit who loses their love for their season their life back._

_I care for my world. I love it with my heart and soul and when a spirit decides that their season means nothing, why would I want to keep torturing them with an eternity of suffering? That isn’t me, Victor. You know that. I cared for you and loved you like the mother you deserved. What happens in your living life is out of my control, but what happens in your dying one is different._

_I hope you don't find this cruel. It was a horrible fate your lover nearly fell for, you must know that, but it had to be. Do you understand why Yuuri had to die? Do you realize what his death made you feel? You despised your season. You hated it and saw it as nothing more than a killer in your eyes. Yuuri's death destroyed that last ounce of love you had for the winter season, and I had to ensure you hated it before I returned you your life. I held your lives until you were certain, then returned them when I knew you'd never change your mind._ _I needed that certainty. I needed that hatred to set you free, otherwise, it can complicate things. If I hadn’t, you’d find yourself falling back in love with this season and your gift would return to you. You’d have to die all over again. That wouldn’t be fair. I returned Yuuri his life the moment you wished for nothing but to live with him. I was waiting for those words to be spoken. As I said, I needed that certainty._

_I try to be kind, Victor. I try to make things easy but life can never be. Humans are complex beings and your emotions are chaotic. You think too much and feel too little, but sometimes, it's the opposite. However, you have served me well all these years. I could only give you what you truly wanted and I hope you enjoy your new life. Treat it well - you won't get another back._

_Thank you, my silver angel. I wish you a lifetime of life and love._

 

 

 

And in a place far away, another child was born with hair like snow and eyes like the ocean – a new Winter spirit.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they went on to be the best couple ever known. And Mother Earth watched over them, knowing they made the right choice in letting Victor go. He was living the life he never got in his previous one and they smiled, proud of their decision.
> 
> Man, this chapter hurt. But then it got better, but it still hurt. It was a challenge to write but I think it came out well enough!
> 
> And that's it for another fic! Don't think I'm done just yet, I have another one I'm working on so I hope to see some of you there too! Thank you so much for reading and I hope it was worth it! Much love!!  
> ♡〜٩(^▿^)۶〜♡

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my Tumblr, if you'd like to follow me! I mostly reblog YOI fanart, but hey! Come and say Hi to me! [x](http://axlaida.tumblr.com)


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